Chapter 10 Flashcards
need to belong
A motivation to bond with others in relationships that provide ongoing, positive interactions.
- we don’t like ostracism
The pain of social rejection is so real that a pain-relieving Tylenol can reduce hurt feelings
Ostracism’s opposite—feeling love—activates brain reward systems.
Love is a painkiller and ostracism induces pain
Asked to recall a time when they were socially excluded—perhaps left alone in the dorm when others went out—University of Toronto students in one experiment even perceived the room temperature as five degrees colder than did those asked to recall a social acceptance experience
proximity
Geographical nearness. Proximity (more precisely, “functional distance”) powerfully predicts liking.
Interaction
Even more significant than geographical distance is “functional distance”—how often people’s paths cross.
Anticipation of interaction
Proximity enables people to discover commonalities and exchange rewards. But merely anticipating interaction also boosts liking.
John Darley and Ellen Berscheid (1967) discovered this when they gave women ambiguous information about two other women, one of whom they expected to talk with intimately. Asked how much they liked each one, the women preferred the person they expected to meet.
mere-exposure effect
The tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more or rated more positively after the rater has been repeatedly exposed to them.
students tested by Robert Zajonc (1968,1970) preferred whichever of these words they had seen most frequently. The more times they had seen a meaningless word or a Chinese ideograph, the more likely they were to say if it meant something good
Attractiveness and dating
- attractiveness is an indicator of how frequently someone dates, and physical looks is actually important
In other words, attractive wives led to happier husbands, but attractive husbands had less effect on wives’ happiness
matching phenomenon
The tendency for men and women to choose as partners those who are a “good match” in attractiveness and other traits.
physical-attractiveness
stereotype
The presumption that physically attractive people possess other socially desirable traits as well: What is beautiful is good.
Despite others’ perceptions, physically attractive people do not differ from others in basic personality
traits, such as agreeableness, openness, extroversion, ambition, or emotional stability (Segal-Caspi et al., 2012). However, there is some truth to the stereotype. Attractive
children and young adults are somewhat more relaxed, outgoing, and socially polished
what makes people attractive
To be really attractive is, ironically, to be perfectly average
Psychologists working from the evolutionary perspective explain the human preference for attractive partners in terms of reproductive strategy. They assume that beauty signals biologically important information: health, youth, and fertility.
social comparison
attraction is not all hard-wired. What’s attractive to you also depends on your comparison standards.
To men who have recently been gazing at centrefolds, average women and even their own wives seem less attractive
It works the same way with our self-perceptions. After viewing a very
attractive person of the same gender, people rate themselves as being less attractive than after viewing a homely person
the attractiveness of those we love
not only do we perceive attractive people as likeable, but we also perceive likeable people as attractive.
Likeness begets liking
- person at a party (L) talked to (M) and (O), L and M share similar values and ideas, compared to O, so L likes M
the more similar someone’s attitudes are to your own, the more you will like the person.
Dissimilarity breeds dislike
We have a bias—the false consensus bias—toward assuming that others share our attitudes. We also tend to see those we like as being like us
Getting to know someone—and discovering that the person is actually dissimilar—tends to decrease liking
complementarity
The popularly supposed tendency, in a relationship between two people, for each to complete what is missing in the other.
Yet people seem slightly more prone to like and to marry those whose needs and personalities are similar
- as a general rule, opposites do not attract
liking those who like us
one person’s liking for another does
predict the other’s liking in return
ingratiation
The use of strategies, such as flattery, by which people seek to gain another’s favour.
Self-esteem and attraction
- Elaine Hatfield (Walster, 1965) wondered if another’s approval is especially rewarding after we have been deprived of approval
- she gave some women either very favourable or very unfavourable analyses of their personalities
- Then she asked them to evaluate several people, including an attractive male confederate who just before asked them on a date
- It was those whose self-esteem had been temporarily shattered and who were presumably hungry for social approval that rated the guy more favourably
Gaining another’s esteem
Elliot Aronson and Darwyn Linder (1965)
They “allowed” 80 women to
overhear a sequence of evaluations of themselves by another woman. Some women heard consistently positive things about themselves; some, consistently negative. Others heard evaluations that changed either from negative to positive or from positive to negative.
In this and other experiments, the target person was well liked when the subject experienced a gain in the other’s esteem, especially when the gain occurred gradually and reversed the earlier criticism
We are attracted to those we find it satisfying and gratifying to be with.
reward theory of attraction
The theory that we like those whose
behaviour is rewarding to us or whom we associate with rewarding events.
types of love
- Intimacy (liking)
- Companionate love (intimacy + commitment)
- Decision/commitment (empty love)
- Fatuous love (passion + commitment)
- Passion (infatuation)
- Romantic love (intimacy + passion)
- Consummate love (intimacy + passion + commitment)
passionate love
A state of intense longing for union with another. Passionate lovers are absorbed in one another; they feel ecstatic at attaining their partner’s love, and they are disconsolate on losing it.
two-factor theory of emotion
Arousal × its label = emotion
- To explain passionate love
companionate love
The affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined.
What enables close relationships
- attachment
secure attachment
Attachment rooted in trust and marked by intimacy
When placed as infants in a strange situation (usually a laboratory playroom), they play comfortably in their mother’s presence, happily exploring this strange environment. If
she leaves, they get distressed; when she returns, they run to her, hold her, then relax and return to exploring and playing
avoidant attachment
Attachments are marked by discomfort over, or resistance to, being close to others. An insecure attachment style.
avoidant infants reveal little distress during separation and little clinging upon reunion.
anxious attachment
Attachment marked by anxiety or ambivalence. An insecure attachment style.
In the strange situation, infants are more likely to cling tightly to their mother. If she leaves, they cry; when she returns, they may be indifferent or hostile.
self-disclosure
Revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others.
Not only do we like those who disclose, but we also disclose to those whom we like.
equity
A condition in which the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it. Note: Equitable
outcomes needn’t always be equal
outcomes.
disclosure reciprocity
The tendency for one person’s
intimacy of self-disclosure to match
that of a conversational partner.
divorce
individualistic cultures have more divorce than communal cultures
