Ch 2. We can't change What We Do Not Notice Flashcards
What is the result of data, data everywhere without making sense of it as most organisations portray?
A bunch of data ‘With no subject, no consciousness, now selves, no morals, no values, no interiors, no depths…Flatland. - Ken Wilber. ‘You could describe everything scientifically, but it would make no sense, as if you described a Beethoven symphony as variation of wave pressure.’ - Albert Einstein
So, increasing self-awareness is the answer… Noticing the changes. Quote a bit of A.J. Laing on this.
The range of what we think and do is what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice what we fail to notice there is little we can do to change…. until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.
8 Glasses a day… How does this law make us usually feel ? Or Are you motivated by a clear sense of purpose at work - something beyond your self-interest ? Why do we shirk answering this ?
We already know the answer… But we fear it is not a nice one! So we want to avoid our fear ! We want pleasure… Not pain. If we answered truthfully we would confess we are falling way short of our expectations in some areas. So we would rather not notice in the first place but seek out distractions… Incoming email dings. Creating discomfort : Is the life you’re leading wor the price you’re paying to live it ?
‘Awareness has multiple dimensions’. What does he mean ?
The long and wide view - How long is your perspective? How wide is your vision ? How deep are you willing to look? A wider view forces you to move beyond our instinctive nature of immediate gratification and narrow self interest ! It moves towards ones circle of influence and consequences of our behaviours on others.
What does awareness look like in the realm of feelings ?
We need to be acutely aware if them then respond intelligently. Responding better to our community requires us to manage our feelings. >>>>Observing them as they arise rather than responding instinctively raises us to the best of who we can be. ‘It allows us to make more reflective, intentional choices about how we want to show up in the world.’
The avoidance of discomfort strategies are several, including distractions. What is often a more common way ?
Denial leading to delusion. Ignorance. Pretending everything is fine. Conscious or unconscious self-deception. Snoopy syndrome. And behaviours slide to being dysfunctional…. Because it becomes More painful to confess them ! ‘We squander energy in rationalising, minimising, and justifying our expedient behaviours. If we take effect effort to just do the opposite with our shortcomings and missteps it ‘frees up energy to learn, grow, and add value.’
Self awareness is key. But Schwartz adds a paradox view to accepting ourselves better. What is this critical doctrine?
Embrace our opposites. Don’t see them as enemies. We are multi-dimensional, so live it and you become well rounded. Yes we choose one quality over another…introversion over extroversion. But excluding the opposite will lead to less than our full selves. ‘No leadership model we’ve come across acknowledges the value of being able to move freely and flexibly between the opposite qualities we need to perform at our nuanced best.’ (P.30)
Name some polarised human qualities.
Decisive - Open-mindness Confident - Humble Logical - Intuitive Pragmatic - Visionary Honest. - Compassionate. Courageous - Prudent
Gallup’s cultivating our strengths rather trying to fix our weaknesses is a seductive notion, but also a limited one. Why ?
Choosing sides is limiting. Targeted effort trumps intrinsic qualities Admittedly, weakness fixing undeniably takes a lot more effort. Anything can become toxic, even noble values. They become stronger as we embrace varied values. They are all connected. They are on the same continuum…so use the widest part of the continuum. Honesty in the absence of compassion becomes cruelty. Tenacity over-done without flexibility congeal to rigidity. Courage without prudence is recklessness.
How do we hold the tension of the virtues polarities?
Be attentive to both. Deeper reflection than just the obvious. Loving all of oneself means accepting your inferior and socially so unacceptable parts. ‘The care one gives this humiliating part is also the cure, but the moral dimension can never be abandoned. Dance with both… A1 - Moral muscle to say - these inferiors are burdensome, intolerable and need to change. A2 - and the loving, laughing acceptance which takes them just as they are, joyfully, forever. It frees us up to build capacity and accept our imperfections.
‘We are the most over- A - and under - B - people in the history of civilisation.’ - Kegan and Lahey, Harvard based psychologists.
A. Informed B. Reflective
