Ch. 13-15 Flashcards
Making someone feel unappreciated or unimportant.
Devaluation
When people violate implicit or explicit relational rules.
Relational transgressions
5 relational transgressions
- Having sex with someone else
- Dating others
- Deceiving others about something important
- Physical violence
- Keeping secrets
Confronts one’s partner about hurtful remarks.
Active verbal responses
Giving in and acknowledging partner’s ability to inflict hurt.
Acquiescent responses
Acting unaffected by the hurtful remark.
Invulnerable responses
Intentionally managing verbal or nonverbal messages so that a receiver will believe or understand something in a way that the sender knows is false.
Deception
5 types of deception
- Lies
- Equivocation
- Concealment
- exaggeration
- Understatement
Evasion; being indirect, ambiguous, or contradictory
Equivocation
We expect others, especially those we like or are close to, to be honest and we do not look for deception.
Truth bias
Has a very strong negative effect on relationships, possibly the least forgivable of hurtful events.
Infidelity
Sexual activity with someone other than one’s long term partner.
Sexual infidelity
Involvement with another person, channeling emotional resources to someone else.
Emotional infidelity
Predicts men should get more upset over sexual infidelity, women should get more upset over emotional infidelity.
Evolutionary Hypothesis for Infidelity
May be the result though of a relational transgressions itself (if the accusations/suspicions are unwarranted)
Jealously
When people want something of value that someone else has.
Envy
One person (would-be lover) wants to initiate or intensify a romantic relationship, but the other (rejector) does not.
Unrequited love
(Following someone everywhere) about inducing fear and making threats.
Stalking
When is relational violence more common?
It is more common in established relationship than in unrequited love.
Occurs when conflict spirals out of control and parters resort to using violence as a way of venting emotional and trying to control the conflict.
Common Couple Violence
2 patterns of common couple violence
- Repeated common couple violence
2. Isolated common couple violence
A strategic and enduring pattern of behavior involving using violence to control a partner.
Intimate terrorism
What does the investment model of relationship start with?
Interdependence theory
Every relationship has a unique pattern of interdependence based on the specific rewards and costs exchanged, as well as the degree to which they are dependent on each other to reach their goals.
Interdependence theory
Commitment helps protect relationships against the destruction that hurtful events and conflict can cause.
Investment model of relationship
Satisfaction, investments, and alternatives predict how committed people are to their relationships.
Commitment
What two things is satisfaction based on?
- Rewards & costs
2. Outcome
Exchanged resources that are pleasurable and gratifying.
Rewards
Exchanged resources that result in a loss or punishment.
Costs
Ratio of costs to rewards must be as good or better than expected.
Outcome
Resources that become attached to a relationship and would decline in value or be lost if the relationship were to end.
Investments
Those put directly into the relationship. (Time, effort, affection, disclosure)
Intrinsic investments
Develop over time as a result of being in the relationship. (Material possessions, identity, social networks)
Extrinsic investments
The types of alternatives people perceive they have outside of the current relationship.
Quality of alternatives
If people are highly committed to their relationship, they are likely to use five pro-relationship behaviors when they encounter problems.
Pro-relationship behaviors
5 pro-relationship behaviors
- Deciding to remain
- Accommodating the partner
- Derogations alternatives
- Showing a willingness to sacrifice
- Perceiving relationship superiority
People in committed relationships are more likely to accommodate their partners and repair their relationship.
Model of accommodation
Passive destructive behaviors
- Neglect- allowing the situation to get worse
2. Punishment- balancing the relationship by evening the score (passive aggressive behaviors)
Active destructive behaviors
- Exit- threats to leave
2. Antisocial communication- yelling,insults, seeking revenge
Active constructive behaviors
- Voice- discussion and problem solving
2. Pro social communication- focus on re-establishing closeness and connection
Passive constructive behaviors
- Loyalty- waiting for positive change
Specific behaviors that people engage in to try and fix their relationship after they have done something wrong.
Remedial strategies
Remedial strategies
- apologies and concessions
- appeasement
- explanations (excuses & justifications)
- denials
- avoidance and evasion
- relationship talk
What is critical in repairing a relationship after a transgression has occurred?
Forgiveness
Making a direct statement. (I forgive you)
Explicit forgiveness
Emphasizes that the transgression was not that bad and that the other partner should not worry anymore.
Minimizing approach
Forgiveness is contingent upon the partner’s behavior. (Relationship is more likely when forgiveness is conditional)
Conditional forgiveness
Some relationships wither away due to different interests, decreased communication, distance, or competition. (Usually happens in friendships, can happen in marriages)
Atrophy (part of “growing apart”)
Has less to do with how much money a couple makes, but more about how the money is managed.
Money as a reason for relationships ending
May lead to violence, addiction, problems with the law, money, and work. Can also lead to codependency- letting partners behaviors greatly affect their own.
Alcohol and drugs as a reason for relationships ending
The more two people have in common, the more likely they are to stay together.
Lack of similarity as a reason for relationships ending
When people’s positive illusions about their partner and the relationships start to fade.
Relationship disillusionment (part of loss of love as to why relationships end)
Looks at break-ups as a series of communication processes.
Duck’s model of relational dissolution
Begins with one partner concluding “I can’t take it anymore” (cognitive threshold)
Intrapsychic processes phase
Dissatisfied partners begin to communicate about negative thoughts and feelings with each other.
Dyadic processes phase
Partners begin discussing the relationship with social networks.
Social processes phase
Breakup is inevitable (cognitive threshold)
Grace-Dressing processes phase
People start to visualize their future without relationship.
Resurrection processes phase
What are Knapp’s five stages of the reversal hypothesis?
- Differentiating
- Circumscribing
- Stagnating
- Avoiding
- Terminating
An alternative to stage theories.
Catastrophe theory
What is part of the catastrophe theory?
Break-ups often precipitated by a critical event which leads to rapid disengagement.
(Infidelity, big argument, physical violence)
Rely on face to face verbal communication vs. subtle, nonverbal communication.
Direct vs. indirect
Involves one person deciding to break up vs. joint decision to break up
Unilateral vs. bilateral
Pretends to be de-escalation but is really relational breakup.
Pseudo De-escalation
Designed to lessen hurt feelings and make the other feel better about the break up. (Could use fatalism and can hold out false hope)
Positive tone
Both partners realize that problems cannot be resolved and they would be better off parred.
(Works best for long-term couples)
Negotiated farewell
Children of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced.
Intergenerstional transmission of divorce
Personal growth by increased confidence, learning how to communicate in a relationship, concentrating on school or work, knowing what you want from future partners.
Positive outcomes
