After Fist Flashcards by Jack Bisson

So this is the guy huh? Kind of puny, ain’t he?

Fist.

Marvin.

Aaaaaaaahh!

How well did you know this?

Not at all

Perfectly

Fiona amigo way back. We got a lot of history. She ever tell you about us?

Of course.

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And where is Home? Huh?

Hi, uh, live in Nebraska.

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We’re gonna make a life

We’re going to make a good life.

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Doing what?

Just ordinary things. Going to work every day. Having dinner at night. Working on our home and our garden. Fiona discovered a horticulture in prison and really loves it, so hopefully she’ll be able to find a job in that field.

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Do you really think Fiona’s gonna be happy in Nebraska planting flowers? You don’t know this girl like I do

I know her

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Yeah? What’s your favorite color?

Red.

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I used to like black. Now I like colors, read most of all.

What’s your favorite magazine?

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Magazine? Hell, she don’t read!

Ladies home journal. She read every page of every issue in prison. Where does she dream of going most in the world?

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I know this! Disney World.

Yeah. When I was nine

Paris, France. Which is where we’re going on our honeymoon. How many kids does she want to have?

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All right, now, this, I know! After the growing up, we had, Fiona don’t want no kids.

Three. A boy and a girl and a surprise.

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CHUNK

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But zippy here, he’s gonna put you in a coma.

OK, I must object.

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Who the hell the object into? Landing Court.

I am not the insufferable boy you’re making me out to be. I’ve done some very exciting things in my life. And I’ve seen danger.

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This, I can’t wait to hear. Buy it on me, mail bag.

You ever face down a 200 pound Doberman, who slipped his leash and is planning to have you for lunch?

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Yeah, as a matter of fact, I have.

What did you do?

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If he was going to Rob a Bank, Marvin, don’t you think you to know that before going in

Yes, I believe I would have. I’d like to do my homework.

All right, all right! So I made a mistake! Kill me already. What do you do with your dog, big shot?

Well, as you know, the model of this couch is be prepared.

He don’t know that.

So back when I used to deliver the mail, I made sure I was prepared for anything, especially dogs. One time, I’m going to the Rams yard, I see Damien there, I me up as usual, but this time there’s something different. He’s a lot closer to me than usual. And then I realized, he’s not on the chain. And he’s looking me over real good. He’s looking at me and seeing a tasty mailman sandwich.

Shut up. So what happened with the big dog

Well, he can see the gate is closed behind me, and there’s no way I’m making it over the fence.

So what did you do, baby?

I quickly assess the situation and realize it doesn’t look good. But I’m not worried because I prepared for just this moment.

That’s my Marvin

So just before he lunges at me, I reach into my shirt, pull out my emergency, postal whistle and blow!

I blow with every breath in my body as birds scatter, cars veer off the road, and all Damien sees stars. He runs whimpering under the porch, that’s all I can see her as a big white, frightened eyes. That I deliver my mail to the front door, say hello to Mrs. Ramsey, remind her to tie Damien back up and make my way out of the yard.

Goodbye, get out of here, don’t let the door hit your sorry ass on the way out!

Oh brother.

Blow whistle

All right! Now everybody just stop right where you are!

What the frig!

What are you doing, Marvin?

Fiona, as much as I’d love to see him walk out of our lives, forever, I can’t let you end this way.

Why not? Yeah, why the hell not?

Because first, she doesn’t hate you, in spite of all the lousy things you’ve done over the years. In fact, she loves you. Yeah. Until me, you were the only person who ever really cared about her, even if it was in a highly unstable, and often precarious way. And I could tell, even when she told me the bad stories about you, she missed you a lot. And Fiona, fist didn’t come here today to be Rachel or to marry you. He came today to tell you that he’s sorry about everything that has happened, and that he misses you and need you as a friend. U2 matter more to each other than you know, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see it. This is right, you do have ties that can’t be broken. They may be crazy, but my conscience will not allow me to stand here and watch you two just do it all away.

So… You love Fiona, enough that you’re willing to help me in your life

Apparently so.

I must’ve missed something. Does that mean we’re back to having you to get married?

It sure does. Is the minister — ready?

What should we do? Marvin?

Go out the back! Out the back!

Put down your weapons and come out, fist. No one has to get hurt here

They think you’re armed. They could buy us a few minutes. How fast can you marry us?

Well, see, here’s the thing… We’ve had a setback. I didn’t realize he was spiking the coffee I was giving him. I’m sorry

Well, this is just great. Of all the wedding chapels we could’ve picked —

Thank God, you picked mine! This is been fabulous! What’s the problem?

We don’t have a minister! And unless you’re a minister, this isn’t going to happen!

Well, it is your lucky day? Because I am

And what?

It was hubcaps idea. Some scheme he was working on, he said we needed a minister to make it work, so… Hell, I have the time.

Are you for real about this? You’re really a —

Bride, here. Groom, here. Reverend fish, right here. Let’s go, let’s go!

This day is not exactly working out the way I planned.

Are you disappointed

How could I be? I’m marrying you

.… Protect her from all the scumbags in the world and do a better job of looking out for her than I did?

I will.

How about you? You can read all that?

Yes, yes! For as long as we both shall live. Yes.

Congratulations congratulations Boy, you two are gonna have one great wedding story to tell your kids, ha

And anybody else who wants to listen!

Well, all you have to do now is sign the certificate and it’s official.

You first, Mrs. marvel.

I wish you kids good luck, but you don’t need it

Why not?

Because I can tell — you’ve got the real thing.

I guess working at a wedding chapel you see it all the time, huh?

Hardly ever, Marvin. (Hugs ) Oh! Thank you, Sandy. Will miss you!

Thanks, Sandy! Bye!