Act Two

Question 1

R: Are you speaking to me now?

Answer 1

NO!

Question 2

R: But Eloise…..

Answer 2

Don’t talk to me, Ralph.

Question 3

R: I’m sorry.

Answer 3

You told me Harold was gone!

Question 4

R: He was gone. But he came back. Everything worked out.

Answer 4

Worked out? I lost my campaign manager, my speech writer and a potential donor!

Question 5

R: But we’re not in jail.

Answer 5

Only because Mrs. Goldman is insane and those police officers were called to a robbery! Ralph, my campaign is over.

Question 6

R: Diane isn’t the only campaign manager out there.

Answer 6

She’s the only one that wins campaigns. I’m going upstairs, Ralph.

Question 7

R: I’ll be up as soon as the caterer leaves.

Answer 7

I’ve got a better idea. Stay down here.

Question 8

R: YES YOU DID! YOU TOOK JIMMY WITH YOU!

Answer 8

RALPH! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE!

Question 9

Baxter: [speech about hangaway] I’m gonna get another drink.

Answer 9

Ralph? Is the caterer gone? Ralph?…You’re still here?

Question 10

B: I’m …uh….finishing up

Answer 10

It looks like you’re eating a sandwich.

Question 11

B: Yes, I…uh…brought my dinner.

Answer 11

Where is my husband?

Question 12

B: He and that other guy left.q

Answer 12

What Other guy?

Question 13

B: Harold.

Answer 13

Harold? What was Harold doing here?

Question 14

B: Looking for Jimmy

Answer 14

Didn’t Jimmy leave with Noel?

Question 15

B: He left with the Texas people

Answer 15

Why is my husband looking for Jimmy?

Question 16

B: I just work here, ma’am. And speaking of work I need the rest of the money.

Answer 16

I am going to strangle him! I wonder where the Pitmans are staying?

Question 17

H: It’s a little late for that.

Answer 17

There you are!

Question 18

R: Eloise! I thought you were upstairs

Answer 18

I went to the Pitmans’ hotel to find you! Ralph, I am so angry with you! If Jimmy wasn’t here, I’d dismember you one appendage at a time!

Question 19

H: I don’t think Jimmy’ll mind.

Answer 19

Why are you here?

Question 20

H: I was helping Ralph

Answer 20

You can’t help anyone! All you can do is mess things up!

Question 21

R: That’s not very nice

Answer 21

All I wanted to do was run for Congress. Anyone in this country should be able to run for public office.

Question 22

H: Anyone with enough money…and no moral conscience. And a really mean campaign manager, and a speech writer who can twist words and phrases and trash their opponent faster than their opponent can trash him. Or in your case, her.

Answer 22

Not everyone in politics is unscrupulous. Look at Jimmy.

Question 23

H: Now might not be a good time to bring up that little detail.

Answer 23

WHAT little detail?

Question 24

H: I’m not going by the river.

Answer 24

I’m going back upstairs. Goodnight, Jimmy.

Question 25

R: Harold! Get Jimmy out of my house!

Answer 25

Ralph, why are the Pitmans standing in our bathtub?

Question 26

Linda: If you don't be quiet you're going to have to wait in the car! Why are the cars in your driveway parked in a different order?

Answer 26

They all left after you left. I have no idea why they came back.

Question 27

Diane: He is not! He's Eloise's uncle!

Answer 27

He's not my uncle. I thought he came here with Noel.

Question 28

Emma: I thought he was Ralph's brother

Answer 28

Ralph doesn't have a brother.

Question 29

Others: (to Harold) You brought him here?

Answer 29

Ralph?

Question 30

Linda: What was an accident??

Answer 30

Ad lib i.e. "I have no idea what's going on here. All I want to do is run for Congress and serve the public. AND get my picture in Newsweek! It wasn't supposed to be this difficult. I shouldn't have to deal with people like Diane and the Pitmans and Noel. I know this whole thing is Harold's fault. He is nothing but trouble...

Question 31

Linda: That's better! Now, do NOT talk at the same time.

Answer 31

Okay.

Question 32

Linda: this man is dead. Others: I know.

Answer 32

WHAT?????

Question 33

All: It was an accident.

Answer 33

It's Harold's fault.

Question 34

Linda: What are you talking about?

Answer 34

Jimmy

Question 35

Linda: This man has been dead for hours.

Answer 35

WHAT???

Question 36

Linda: Who is he?

Answer 36

Jimmy.

Question 37

Linda: How did he get here if he was already dead?

Answer 37

He wasn't dead! I talked with him!

Question 38

Linda: Call the station and tell 'em we're going to need transportation for the body and eight suspects. Others: What? NO!

Answer 38

Do you believe me now, Ralph. EVERY time we're around Harold is WORSE than the time before!

Question 39

R: I know Eloise. But it really wasn't his fault

Answer 39

WASN'T his FAULT?? He brought a dead man to our house!

Question 40

Linda: Enough with the metaphors

Answer 40

I was thinking this couldn't get any worse...but it did!

Question 41

H: They're trying to stay out of prison.

Answer 41

YOU brought Jimmy here!

Question 42

H: Now his name is Vinny

Answer 42

If anyone is going to prison, it's you!

Question 43

L: Nobody's going to prison because of Vinny Delucciano.

Answer 43

Why not?

Question 44

L: There are a few remaining facts. Like the fact that you moved a body. You knocked down a lightpole and almost hit a pedestrian! She filed a report saying she was run down by a spaceship!

Answer 44

That would be Mrs. Goldman.

Question 45

R: Harold actually did something right.

Answer 45

What are you talking about?

Question 46

R: He saved your campaign

Answer 46

HE brought a dead man into my house!

Question 47

R: But it all worked out. It even worked out better. You have Diane and Noel and the Pitmans over a barrel. You're the only one who didn't know Jimmy was dead.

Answer 47

That's insane. And I don't ever want to see Harold again!

Question 48

Harold: You can't miss him. Six four. 290 pounds. Lots of tattoos. Just ignore him. And his gang. Unless they're armed. Then,, we'll run out the back door.

Answer 48

offstage: RALPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!