Act One

Question 1

Ralph: Harold? It’s been a long time!

Answer 1

Who is it dear?

Question 2

R: It’s Harold. My old college roommate

Answer 2

What’s he doing here?

Question 3

R: He just dropped in to say hello.

Answer 3

Get rid of him! Now!

Question 4

R: Have a seat.

Answer 4

Did you get rid of Harold? I know he’s your friend and all, but he’s nothing but trouble. I wish he’d just leave us alone. Would you help me with this? Thank you.

Question 5

Harold: You’re welcome.

Answer 5

Oh. Harold. I didn’t realize you were still here.

Question 6

H: I could tell

Answer 6

Well…what a surprise. Did you ever get the insurance business straightened out?

Question 7

H: More or less.

Answer 7

And the assault charges?

Question 8

H: Mistaken Identity. How about that?

Answer 8

Did Ralph tell you I’m running for Congress?

Question 9

H: Yeah, I hope you win. Is there anything I can do for the campaign.

Answer 9

There is. It’s not good for a candidate to be seen with a convicted felon. Get out.

Question 10

Ralph enters with two bottles of beer

Answer 10

What are you doing?

Question 11

R: Getting Harold a beer.

Answer 11

Ralph, the guests will be here any minute.

Question 12

R: He’ll be gone before they arrive.

Answer 12

This is a very important event.

Question 13

H: Oh, yeah - yeah - absolutely. Just like a rose. A rose in bloom. Yeah, that’s it, a rose.

Answer 13

Please get rid of Harold. He can come back tomorrow and ruin your life. (exit to bedroom)

Question 14

R: What do you want to hide in my basement?
H: I’ll show you.

Answer 14

Ralph? Is Harold gone?

Question 15

R: Great seeing you again Harold. Stop by anytime. Any time but now. He’s gone.

Answer 15

Everytime you’re around Harold, something disastrous happens.

Question 16

R: That’s an exaggeration.

Answer 16

It’s not much of an exaggeration.

Question 17

Baxter: The serving table is ready, Mrs. Vanlandingham.

Answer 17

Thank you, Baxter. When the guests arrive, be cordial and charming and escort them to the patio. I hope it doesn’t rain.

Question 18

R: It wasn’t his fault you know!

Answer 18

Oh, right! It’s never his fault.

Question 19

R: Why can’t you leave him in your van?
H: Because he’s creepy!

Answer 19

(offstage) More guests, dear?

Question 20

R: Um…you might say that.

Answer 20

(offstage) Show them to the patio.

Question 21

R: Whatever! He can’t stay here!

Answer 21

(offstage) Ralph! Would you come here please?

Question 22

Noel: Campaigns are getting to be a bore. I’ve been thinking about accepting a CEO position with a large corporation. ..There is one word to describe those people: smarmy! Look at Diane and tell me she’s not smarmy!

Answer 22

(enter, cross to Noel) Noel, I just can’t tell you how excited I am that you’re going to be writing my speeches.

Question 23

N: Did you happen to see a poorly dressed man with a martini glass?

Answer 23

Diane says you’re the very best.

Question 24

Rick: Did you see my wife? I need the checkbook.

Answer 24

I’ll look for her.

Question 25

Rick: That shows how stupid the Immigration Service is! Maria is from Honduras!

Answer 25

Is there a problem?

Question 26

Emma: Nothing my husband can't finagle his way out of...or maybe not. This could be the one that finally gets him. I'm having a wonderful time. And I just love Jimmy.

Answer 26

I hope this won't be a problem. Immigration is an important issue. I wonder where I stand on it.

Question 27

Ralph: Oh no! Eloise! What are you doing?

Answer 27

I'm talking with Jimmy.

Question 28

R: You were talking with Jimmy?

Answer 28

We may have a problem, Ralph.

Question 29

R: Oh, geez! I'm sorry Eloise! I should have told you, but it would have ruined the entire afternoon! I'm embarrassed, I'm humiliated, I'm really grossed out!

Answer 29

So you knew about Maria.

Question 30

R: Maria?

Answer 30

She's from Honduras.

Question 31

R: Maria's from Honduras.

Answer 31

Yes, and it could be very embarrassing.

Question 32

R: Oh, I thought you were talking about Jimmy.

Answer 32

Was Jimmy in a car accident?

Question 33

R: He was...uh...in a garage. That's close enough.

Answer 33

Did he come with Noel or Diane? Surely he didn't come with the Pitmans.

Question 34

R: Oh...uh...I think he...uh...

Answer 34

He works for Noel doesn't he.

Question 35

R: Noel?

Answer 35

I'm not sure about the Pitmans. I know Diane says the campaign needs their financial support, but there's something kind of smarmy about them. Do you know what I mean?

Question 36

R: Smarmy?

Answer 36

I don't trust them.

Question 37

R: Maybe we should join the other guests on the patio.

Answer 37

Good idea. Would you like to join us, Jimmy?

Question 38

R: He's not feeling well.

Answer 38

Oh, no. Could I get you something to drink?

Question 39

R: Jimmy likes...uh...merlot.

Answer 39

I'll have Baxter bring him a glass.

Question 40

N: There's nothing like being caught in a storm with people you don't really like. Present company excluded, of course.

Answer 40

This is terrible! It's raining all over the buffet table! Ralph! What is HE doing here?

Question 41

H: To make a donation. I really want to help you win the election, so I'm going to donate fifty dollars. Could I borrow fifty dollars?

Answer 41

Get him out of here!

Question 42

H: Near Pittsburgh?

Answer 42

Make Harold leave!

Question 43

Rick: I need a drink!

Answer 43

(ALL) Me too!

Question 44

Emma: Maria is nothing compared to the rest of it.

Answer 44

(ALL) Rest of it?

Question 45

H: I'll have another beer.

Answer 45

No you won't! You're leaving!

Question 46

Diane: Who is this man?

Answer 46

(ALL) Harold!

Question 47

N: This is getting interesting again.

Answer 47

Who could that be? (cross and open the door)

Question 48

Cooper: Oops. Do you have any scotch tape?

Answer 48

Why are you here?

Question 49

Linda: We are going to search this house.

Answer 49

No one here has broken any laws....well, almost no one. What are you searching for?

Question 50

Diane: You said a MAN drug a body in here! That leaves me off the hook.

Answer 50

What neighbor reported a man dragging a body in here?

Question 51

Cooper: Oh. Sorry. I don't know who it was.

Answer 51

Mrs. Goldman claims the CIA has her phones tapped and she was abducted by aliens from a distant galaxy.

Question 52

L: Are you Mrs. Vanlandingham?

Answer 52

Yes. I'm preparing to run for public office and your very presence in my home compromises my campaign!

Question 53

Linda: Is anyone here named Maria?

Answer 53

(ALL) No.

Question 54

Linda: Is something funny?

Answer 54

No....sorry.

Question 55

Baxter: I guess I'll have to stay here.

Answer 55

I DON'T THINK SO!