Act One Flashcards
Ralph: Harold? It’s been a long time!
Who is it dear?
R: It’s Harold. My old college roommate
What’s he doing here?
R: He just dropped in to say hello.
Get rid of him! Now!
R: Have a seat.
Did you get rid of Harold? I know he’s your friend and all, but he’s nothing but trouble. I wish he’d just leave us alone. Would you help me with this? Thank you.
Harold: You’re welcome.
Oh. Harold. I didn’t realize you were still here.
H: I could tell
Well…what a surprise. Did you ever get the insurance business straightened out?
H: More or less.
And the assault charges?
H: Mistaken Identity. How about that?
Did Ralph tell you I’m running for Congress?
H: Yeah, I hope you win. Is there anything I can do for the campaign.
There is. It’s not good for a candidate to be seen with a convicted felon. Get out.
Ralph enters with two bottles of beer
What are you doing?
R: Getting Harold a beer.
Ralph, the guests will be here any minute.
R: He’ll be gone before they arrive.
This is a very important event.
H: Oh, yeah - yeah - absolutely. Just like a rose. A rose in bloom. Yeah, that’s it, a rose.
Please get rid of Harold. He can come back tomorrow and ruin your life. (exit to bedroom)
R: What do you want to hide in my basement?
H: I’ll show you.
Ralph? Is Harold gone?
R: Great seeing you again Harold. Stop by anytime. Any time but now. He’s gone.
Everytime you’re around Harold, something disastrous happens.
R: That’s an exaggeration.
It’s not much of an exaggeration.
Baxter: The serving table is ready, Mrs. Vanlandingham.
Thank you, Baxter. When the guests arrive, be cordial and charming and escort them to the patio. I hope it doesn’t rain.
R: It wasn’t his fault you know!
Oh, right! It’s never his fault.
R: Why can’t you leave him in your van?
H: Because he’s creepy!
(offstage) More guests, dear?
R: Um…you might say that.
(offstage) Show them to the patio.
R: Whatever! He can’t stay here!
(offstage) Ralph! Would you come here please?
Noel: Campaigns are getting to be a bore. I’ve been thinking about accepting a CEO position with a large corporation. ..There is one word to describe those people: smarmy! Look at Diane and tell me she’s not smarmy!
(enter, cross to Noel) Noel, I just can’t tell you how excited I am that you’re going to be writing my speeches.