Act 2 Scene 1

Question 1

SHELBY: But didn’t he scare you to death coming by so late?

Answer 1

CLAIREE: It wasn’t that late. About 9:30, I guess.

Question 2

SHELBY: Still, somebody knocking on my bedroom window after dark would scare the daylights out of me.

Answer 2

CLAIREE: Not me. Hope springs eternal, I suppose. I was so disappointed when I realized it was only my nephew.

Question 3

SHELBY: Well I just think it’s awful of Drew to throw his son out of the house. Parents should never throw their children out of the house.

Answer 3

CLAIREE: My brother can be very hotheaded when he wants to be. But he really didn’t throw Marshall out. Marshall just came over to my house while his daddy cooled off. I adore Marshall. We stayed up half the night talking last night.

Question 4

SHELBY: I can’t believe I’m getting so worked up over something as silly as a haircut.

Answer 4

CLAIREE: You look precious.

Question 5

TRUVY: It’s O.K., honey. Please don’t… please don’t cry because you know… I will, too. I have a strict policy that no one cries alone in my presence.

Answer 5

CLAIREE: Ladies… Ladies. Please. Remind me never to take these two to see Dark Victory. They’d never survive.

Question 6

ANNELLE: It’s very becoming. I guess with that baby, you don’t have time to spend hours fussing with your hair. You need something you can just run your fingers through and go.

Answer 6

CLAIREE: It’s totally adorable. Your mother’s going to love it.

Question 7

TRUVY: I am going to paint my front door red and change my name to Elizabeth Arden.

Answer 7

CLAIREE: Manicures, saucy new hairdos. What’s going on?

Question 8

SHELBY: We’re always up to something…you know that. But I want to get back to this Drew and Belle nonsense. I hope they reconcile with Marshall. Speaking as a parent, they better get their act together. I do not approve of friction between parents and children.

Answer 8

CLAIREE: Oh, I think it’ll all blow over. I have to admit. He did go about it the wrong way.

Question 9

TRUVY: What did he do?

Answer 9

CLAIREE: He marched in unexpected from Los Angeles while Drew and Belle were preparing for the annual Marmillion shrimp boil. Marshall without so much as a hello says “Mama and Daddy. I have something to tell you. I have a brain tumor. I have three months to live.” Well naturally Drew and Belle became hysterical. Then Marshall says “Hey folks, I’m just kidding. I’m only gay.”

Question 10

SHELBY: That was his idea of breaking the news gently?

Answer 10

CLAIREE: Drew became incredibly distraught and started throwing wet shrimp at him, screaming at him to get out of his sight, so Marshall came to my house, smelling like a can of cat food.

Question 11

TRUVY: What do you think Drew and Belle are feeling right now?

Answer 11

CLAIREE: I don’t know. They just considered themselves to be a model family for so long. First with Nancy Beth dethroned from her Miss Merry Christmas title after that unfortunate motel thing…

Question 12

TRUVY: Nancy Beth was discovered in a nearby motel with a high political official.

Answer 12

CLAIREE: They were both high. They’d been smoking everything but their shoes.

Question 13

SHELBY: How do you feel about Marshall?

Answer 13

CLAIREE: Haven’t really thought about it. But I want you to know he’s always welcome at my house. I’m very proud of him. He built up that chain of sportswear stores all by himself without a penny of family money. He says, “I am a self-made man. I pulled myself up by my own jockstraps.”

Question 14

TRUVY: Well, I’m torn. I’ve got two sons that I’m afraid are going to hell in a handcart and a semi-daughter that strives to be the kind of girl that Jesus would bring home to Mama. I don’t know what to think. I don’t understand those people… but they sometimes seem to have a peace about things that I’ve never had. Maybe I’m just jealous. (Annelle Enters. Subject change!)

Answer 14

CLAIREE: And Marshall is so thoughtful. He brought me this pin. It’s gold and enamel.

Question 15

TRUVY: It’s a bug.

Answer 15

CLAIREE: It’s fine jewelry. It’s little eyes are rubies, my birthstone.

Question 16

SHELBY: Does Marshall have a … you know…. friends?

Answer 16

CLAIREE: We talked a little bit about that. Im such a nosy old thing. I asked him how he…met people. ‘Cause in my day you could tell by a man’s carriage and demeanor which side his bread was buttered on. But today? In this day and age? Who knows? I asked Marshall, “How can you tell?” And he said “All gay men have track lighting. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick or Steve.” He is such a nut…track lighting.

Question 17

OUISER: I love mine. It highlights my new artwork.

Answer 17

CLAIREE: Since when do you have track lighting?

Question 18

OUISER. Clairee. How many tomatoes do you want? Tomatoes have no calories and are full of…..things.

Answer 18

CLAIREE: Ouiser, you’re almost chipper today. Why are you in such a good mood? Did you run over a small child or something?

Question 19

OUSIER: Do you or do you not want tomatoes?

Answer 19

CLAIREE: Don’t give me all of ‘em.

Question 20

OUISER: I am an old Southern woman. We’re supposed to put on funny looking hats and ugly old dresses and grow vegetables in the dirt. don’t ask me why. I don’t make the rules.

Answer 20

CLAIREE: You should get some gloves. Your hands look like a couple of T-bone steaks.

Question 21

OUISER: I think it is in the worst possible taste to pray for perfect strangers.

Answer 21

CLAIREE: “Reach out” to Ouiser and you’ll pull back a bloody stump. Shelby! I just realized! You’ve saved me a phone call. Next Friday Sis Orelle and I are driving up to Monroe and we’d like to take you and Jackson to dinner if we may.

Question 22

SHELBY: Uh… I can’t Friday night. I’m sorry. What’s the occasion?

Answer 22

CLAIREE: This is going to sound a little silly, but we’re coming up to go to the Little Theatre. We have tickets to a play.

Question 23

TRUVY: I didn’t know you went to see anything that didn’t have a goalpost at either end.

Answer 23

CLAIREE: Up to now, I haven’t. But Sis and I decided at bridge one day that we needed to keep up. We wanted to expose ourselves to a little more culture. And that’s not easy to come by in this neck of the woods.

Question 24

TRUVY. Exactly what are you “exposing” yourself to?

Answer 24

CLAIREE: I don’t know. Something. Last thing we saw was pretty good. It was Shakespeare. I was a little apprehensive at first but you know what? When you get right down to it, he writes pretty straightforward stuff. I have to admit, when they go behind the curtains and put little masks over their faces to fool people, that got kind of silly. Sis fell for it but I didn’t.

Question 25

OUISER: Sis Orelle is so dumb. She thinks Sherlock Holmes is a subdivision.

Answer 25

CLAIREE: Anyway. Sis and I like it so much, we’re planning a theatre trip to New York.

Question 26

TRUVY: New York?! Oh, Clairee. I’m green with envy. Promise me you’ll go to the first floor of Bloomingdale’s and come back and tell me everything. Woman’s Day says it’s impossible to walk through there and not get made up.

Answer 26

CLAIREE: We’re just talking. I’m scared to death of getting on a plane.

Question 27

OUISER: I am not exposing myself to anything.

Answer 27

CLAIREE: You should broaden your horizons.

Question 28

OUISER: You broaden your horizons your way. I’ll broaden my horizons mine. I have plans next Friday. I’m going to Shreveport to have my colors done.

Answer 28

CLAIREE: Your what?

Question 29

OUISER: I’m going to get my colors done. I’m going to find out if I’m a summer or spring or fall or winter. It’s a present from Owen.

Answer 29

CLAIREE: What are you talking about?

Question 30

OUISER: Every person has a particular coloring…summer, spring, so on. You determine what season you are, then you know what colors look best on you. Then you’re given samples of the colors that are in your palette. It’s most helpful when you shop for clothes. It gives you fashion courage.

Answer 30

CLAIREE: That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.