act 1 scene 1 (shelby) Flashcards
entrance
hi everybody!
There she is! There’s my girl! Come break my neck!
Truvy, it’s so good to see you! Morning, Miss Clairee. It’s not that I’m unfriendly, I’m just worried about my nails.
What a pretty color
I hope this doesn’t dry too dark. If it’s too dark it’ll never work. You know the colors are never the same on the bottle.
You will always find that to be true.
This is drying way too dark. Practically pink my foot. Truvy? do you have any of those nail polish remover things?
Here. Wheres your mama?
Right behind me I thought. Hi I’m Shelby Eatenton… soon to be Latcherie.
Today’s Annelles first day
Well Annelle. You’re working with the best. Anyone who’s anybody gets their hair done at truvys.
….And that is bad for my business.
Well, he should be finished with his yard work soon.
I hope so.
You’re not the only one concerned. Mama’s about to have a fit. She and Daddy are fighting like cats and dogs.
They’re just anxious with so much going on.
No they’re not. They just try to create as much tension as possible in any given situation. Its a creed they live by.
….that make your hair fall out
They’re fighting about patio furniture. Jackson and I will never fight about silly things. Are you married Annelle?
How pretty..
Princess Grace
Did you bring me the picture of that hairdo like I asked?
Here you go. Study it carefully. (take out baby’s breath) Here’s the baby’s breath.
Where are you going to put this stuff? There’s no baby’s breath in this picture.
You just stick it in. It’s meant to frame my face. Baby’s breath is part of my whole decoration concept. For a total romantic look. (walk to Clairee) Miss Clairee! What cute shoes!
Perfect. (M’lynn enters)
Hi, Mama. Look at Miss Clairee’s shoes.
Is this a riddle?
Annelle. This is my mama. How’re things at the house?
Oh. Piece of cake.
Mama. This color is all wrong. It looks like a stuck pig bled all over my hands.
I’m sure I have something at the house that’ll do.
But do you have pink?
Of course I have pink.
It has to be delicate.
If I don’t have something, we’ll send one of the boys to get you some delicate pink nail polish.
Great idea, Mama. I’d love to see what Tommy’d pick out. (go to manicure table)
I hope the rain holds off. I’m sorry it’s not a prettier day.
This is perfect weather for me. I don’t function well when it’s hot. I love cloudy days. On cloudy days I feel God’s not trying very hard, so I don’t have to either.
She does sweat profusely.
Thank you, Mama. (go to center chair and sit down)
For the last time…I don’t have it. Ask the boys. Goodbye.
What did daddy want?
Sweep it up?
Yes, mama. Up. Like Princess Grace.
Did you bring Truvy the picture of Jaclyn Smith?
No. I brought the picture of Princess Grace. I destroyed the picture of Jaclyn Smith.
But I thought I had made you understand the advantages of the Jaclyn Smith hairdo…
No, Mama.
Well at least I talked her out of that stupid idea of sticking that baby’s breath all in her hair.
Keep your head in the sink, please. (hide baby’s breath)
What’s Jackson like?
He’s pretty swell. I thought he was a pest at first, but then he kind of grew on me. And now I love him.
Where’d you meet him?
At a party at the Petroleum Club in Shreveport. I had no idea who he was but I was getting a big kick out of watching him on the dance floor. It was painfully obvious he had never taken the time to dance in front of a mirror. There was something so attractive about how stupid he looked.
Is he real romantic?
No. But he does give me flowers. And little presents if I bug him enough. He has promised to give me a red rose on every anniversary corresponding to the number of that anniversary. I think that’s so sweet.
Well, now. That’s a pretty romantic idea, isn’t it?
Yes. I wish it had been his.
He tried. He just couldn’t make it.
You remember your wedding?
…at least he hung on through the state playoffs.
Miss Clairee. There are still good times to be had.
If I go with a friend we’re just a couple of old biddies.
Somebody like you should be able to find something to occupy your time.
Shelby. Are you and Jackson going to live in West Monroe or Monroe proper?
Monroe, of course. His law practice is there.
You are so lucky, Shelby. Louisiana lawyers do well whether they want to or not.
I don’t really care. Don’t get me wrong. The money’s real nice…but I just like the idea of growing old with somebody. My dream is to get old and sit on the back porch covered with grandchildren and say “No!” and “Stop that!”.
Are you going to quit nursing?
Never! I love it. I love being around all those babies…Last week we had this poor little fellow, two and a half months premature. He looked like a big rat. I kept talking to him and holding him. But I knew he wasn’t going to make it.
That’s so sad.
It happens all the time.
Drum and I feel that Shelb y should not work anymore after she gets married.
I’m so anxious to discuss this topic for the nine hundredth time this week…
You should not be on your feet all day. You should be kinder to your circulatory system.
Annelle? I know you’re new and all, but don’t let that stop you. Anytime you have anything to say, you just let ‘er rip.
Does your dress have to go over your head?
You can’t screw her hair up. You just tease it and make it look like a blond football helmet.
How many bridesmaids?
Nine.
Good lord!
Exactly.
I hope that photographer brings a wide-angle lens.
I think it’s embarrassing and awful. But Mama made me have my cousins and Margi St. Maurice.
Shelby, There was no way around it and you know it.
It will be pretentious. Daddy always says “An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure”.
The poet laureate of Dogwood Lane…
Mama. I wish you would get off Daddy’s back. He gets enough hassle from Miss Ouiser.
What are your colors shelby?
Blush and bashful.
Her colors are pink and pink.
Blush and bashful.
I ask you. How precious is this wedding going to get?
My colors are blush and bashful. I have chosen two shades of pink. One is much deeper than the other.
The bridesmaids’ dresses are beautiful.
And the ceremony will be too. All the walls are banked with sprays of flowers in the two shades of blush and bashful. There’s a pink carpet specially laid for the service. And pink silk bunting draped over anything that would stand still.
that sanctuary looks like it’s been hosed down with Pepto-Bismol.
I like pink.
…Peach is so flattering to every skin tone.
No way. Pink is my signature color.
Jackson’s gtonna take one look at me and leave you behind in the dust.
Mama’s dress is gorgeous. It cost more than my wedding dress.
It did not. It was on sale.
That’s what she told Daddy. What she actually meant is that it was “for sale” not “on-sale”.
Now Shelby…fill me in on the reception
There’s going to be ferns and twinkly lights. There’ll be magnolias in the pool.
I just hope your father doesn’t get any magnolias from Ouiser’s side of the tree. We’ll never hear the end of it.
The wedding cake will be by the pool. The groom’s cake will be hidden in the carport.
Shelby and I agree on one thing.
The groom’s cake. It’s awful! It’s in the shape of a giant armadillo.
an armadillo?
Jackson wanted a cake in the shape of an armadillo. He has an aunt that makes them.
I can’t even think of how you would make gray icing.
Worse! The cake part is red velvet cake. Blood red! People are going to be hacking into this animal that looks like its bleeding to death.
The rehearsal supper was an experience.
It wasn’t that bad. It was out at Jacksons uncle’s place on the river.
They served steak and baked potatoes. They went to a lot of trouble.
His family loves to barbecue.
You either shoot it, stuff it, or marry it.
They are simply outdoorsy, that’s all.
Did you all do anything especially romantic?
We drove down to Frenchmans Point and went parking.
Oh boy. The romantic part. This is what really melts my butter.
Then we went skinny dipping and did things that frightened the fish.
It’s been a long time since we’ve had a youngster in this place, hasn’t it?
We talked, and talked, and talked.
I love those kinds of talks…in the arms of the man you love.
Actually, we fought most of the time.
What?
Because I told him I couldn’t marry him.
Why would you go and do a thing like that?
It’s OK now. We worked it all out.
Oh. It was just one of those last-minute jitter things.
No. But the weddings still on. (start shaking)
…marinating fifty pounds of crab claws
(look at Clairee confused.)
Hold your head up, darling.
Stop it.
Shelby? You need some juice.
Leave me alone.
Drink the juice, honey.
No!
Who can blame her? Juice after a peppermint?
Mama. Stop it. I have candy in my purse.
you didn’t bring your purse, honey. Here. Have another sip.
No… (actually drink)
She’ll be fine if we can get something in her. Drink some more, Shelby.
I’m going to leave if you don’t leave me alone.
Talk to us, Shelby
No.
It wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to sit there and watch your child’s heartbreak.
Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.
Shelby’s the one that’s pushing the issue. He’s crazy about her and…
He said, “Shut up. Don’t be stupid. There’s plenty of kids out there that need good homes. We’ll adopt ten of ‘em. We’ll buy ‘em if we have to.”
Jackson sounds like good people to me.
I knew right then and there that if he was dumb enough to spend the rest of his life withe me then I am dumb enough to spend the rest of my life with him. (realize) Oh gosh…oh gosh…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, Mama.
Shelby, it’s Tommy. He wants to know where your car is.
Absolteutyl not. That’s the honeymoon getaway car. He just wants to defile it. Jonathon said he’s been buying rubbers by the case.
She’ll have to call you back.
Thank you, Mama.
I’ll be glad to give you a touch-up before you leave on the honeymoon.
I’m going to leave it up long as possible.
Somewhere that you can be intimate out of doors…
Las Vegas.
Shelby? About what Jackson said…
I’d rather not talk about it, Mama. What happens in my life now is between Jackson and me. Jackson will take care of me and I will take care of him.
Shelby? Did you hear what I said?
Mama. I know all about adoption. And I also know the limitations of this body of mine. I would never do anything stupid.
Oh, Shelby…no
It’s my wedding! I’ll stick baby’s breath up my nose if I want to.
…and I can’t seem to manage the people in my own family.
Oh! Did you tell them, Mama?
I should’ve realized Louie had problems when his imaginary playmates wouldn’t play with him.
Your boys grew up fine. They’re just a little scary that’s all.
I would never violate their confidence.
When Mama says she doesn’t talk, she means it. She’s a brick wall.
Shelby? Would you like to finish off that juice?
I’m fine, Mama. You finish it.
It’s going to be a while before the bridesmaids’ luncheon.
You know what you need in here, Truvy? You need a radio. Music is wonderful to have in the background. It takes the pressure off having to talk so much.
I know now that I was the victim of premenstrual syndrome.
I’ve gotten four radios for wedding presents. I’ll give you one.
A lot. But a small-town radio station can be a license to print money if its run right.
Miss Clairee. You should buy KPPD. You got plenty of money.
Shelby, why don’t you finish off that juice?
Forget the damn juice.
I hate it when people bring weapons into my shop.
How did you get Daddy’s gun away from him?
You see, our backyard is full of fruit trees…
Which are full of birds. Daddy has been trying to frighten the birds out of the trees by making loud noises. I didn’t want the guests at my wedding reception to spend all night dodging bird do.
All I know is my poor animal has to be sedated. He has a condition.
Are you sure that’s true? Rhett is a very old dog.
That’s your first mistake. Whitey Black is a moron. I’m not even sure he has opposable thumbs.
Miss Ouiser, Daddy is not trying to drive you crazy. He’s just trying to make my reception nice. His heart’s in the right place.
His color’s good. His skin is real pink.
I know for a fact there will be no more gunshots. So why don’t you relax, Miss Ouiser? Have some coffee.
Of course they can.
You are so brave.
I keep asking myself…why me?
We are awful. We are all hateful, awful people. Here all we’ve been talking about is weddings and psychotic animals. We’ve been tearing you up inside, haven’t we? I can’t tell you how sorry I am. And you’ve had such a terrible time. Sometimes we don’t know how lucky we are.
What can we do to help?
I know one thing I can do. Tonight, you are going to drop by my house and have some bleeding armadillo groom’s cake. It’s going to be a great party.
Oh, I couldn’t. I still get real emotional sometimes.
I can’t stand the thought of someone being unhappy or alone tonight. And if you feel yourself start getting sad, just watch my husband dance. It’s very funny.
But I don’t have anything to wear…
No problem. I’ll bet I have something that’ll do. I’ll call the house. (go dial phone)
Oh…!
(on phone) Good! Jonathan. You have to do me a favor / yes now! Go in my closet and bring me two or three of my Sunday things / just anything / use your judgment / very well. Bring the pink dress with the white collar, the pink suit with the cherries pinned on the jacket and the pink and white polka dot / no, Jonathon. Mama doesn’t have Daddy’s gun / Don’t you have better things to do? / What? Well stop him! Now! (hang up)
Is something the matter?
We’ll see (explosion) Yes.
What happened?
Daddy tied explosives to Jonathan’s GI Joe bow and arrow and shot them into the trees.
