Act 1 Flashcards

1
Q

CARRIE: How much time did you spend?
VICTOR: None.

A

HEATHER: (ENTERS LEFT with ROLF.) Rolf, you’re not listening!

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2
Q

ROLF: I’ll rake all the leaves in your yard.

A

HEATHER: No.

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3
Q

ROLF: I’ll let you tutor me every afternoon for three weeks. Six weeks?

A

HEATHER: Rolf, passing summer school is your only chance. You
blow it, you blow American history. You blow American history,
you don’t graduate.

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4
Q

EMILY: Forget it, Rolf.
CARRIE: She’s a teacher. She’s immune to charm.

A

HEATHER: I wouldn’t exactly put it like that.

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5
Q

ROLF: I knew it had something to do with measurements.

A

HEATHER: Sorry, Rolf. After that, I’d say you ought to flunk history
even if you survive summer school.

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6
Q

ROLF: Ladies, ladies. No need to be jealous. Perhaps one of you
would be so kind as to share your sleeping bag—

A

HEATHER: (Clears her throat loudly.) I’m sure we will have no need to
share, Rolf. (To the OTHERS.) Has anybody seen Lupe?

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7
Q

CARRIE: Three. She just started at the Starlight Theater.

A

HEATHER: Oh, dear. I hope she makes it. The bus driver told me
he wouldn’t wait. So, are we all excited? (STUDENTS stare at
HEATHER.) We’ll have a good time. Really. My aunts are very nice,
and they’re so glad we’re coming. They can use all the help they
can get to open the wax museum on time. It’ll be a real tourist
attraction for Cultully.

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8
Q

JOEL: Yeah, like Madame Tussaud’s. I hear she’s got a Chamber of
Horrors, and you can see victims of—

A

HEATHER: Thank you, Joel, but wax museums are not creepy. Besides,
this isn’t just a wax museum. There will be all sorts of other
interesting historical items on display.

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9
Q

JOEL: Ms. Fairchild, “interesting historical” is an oxymoron. (LUPE
runs ON RIGHT out of breath.)

A

HEATHER: Good! You made it, Lupe.

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10
Q

LUPE: I would, but I’m the only one in my family who has a job
right now.

A

HEATHER: Well, hopefully this will feel like a little vacation for
all of us. (The STUDENTS plaster fake smiles on their faces as
HEATHER EXITS LEFT. Reluctantly, they follow her OFF as the
LIGHTS FADE OUT.)

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11
Q

VICTOR: Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car
get exhausted. (STUDENTS groan. HEATHER ENTERS LEFT.)

A

HEATHER: Get all your instructions, guys?

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12
Q

JOEL: Do we really have to do all this work?

A

HEATHER: You wouldn’t have to if you had done your work during the
school year.

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13
Q

EMILY: And we don’t really care about any of this stuff.

A

HEATHER: Listen, you’re probably all hungry after the bus ride. I
just put some sandwiches and drinks in the break room. Go get
something to eat, then come back and we’ll get started, okay?

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14
Q

ROLF: (To HEATHER.) Looks like I may have a date after all this evening!
(EXITS LEFT.)

A

HEATHER: (Shakes her head, moves to table and looks at some of
the information. SKIP ENTERS RIGHT carrying a ladder. He freezes
when he sees HEATHER, who looks up.) Skip?

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15
Q

SKIP: Yeah. You… you got here

A

HEATHER: Sure.

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16
Q

SKIP: I thought you were bringing some kids.

A

HEATHER: They’re in the break room getting something to eat.

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17
Q

SKIP: Never figured you for a teacher.

A

HEATHER: Never figured you for a… what do you do?

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18
Q

SKIP: I own my own construction business.

A

HEATHER: Impressive.

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19
Q

SKIP: Not really. This is my first job.

A

HEATHER: Mine, too. I guess we have to start someplace.

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20
Q

SKIP: So, how have you been?

A

HEATHER: I got over it.

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21
Q
A
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22
Q

SKIP: I didn’t really mean…

A

HEATHER: Oh, how have I been?

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23
Q

SKIP: Right. Every little thing.

A

HEATHER: (Plays it cool.) Fine. I’ve been fine.

24
Q

SKIP: Did you ever get my letters?

A

HEATHER: The two you sent freshman year?

25
Q

SKIP: I never heard back from you

A

HEATHER: (Defensive.) I… I was too busy to write. I had a boyfriend
then. He didn’t make a habit of standing me up.

26
Q

SKIP: I wouldn’t call it a habit.

A

HEATHER: Only every other date, including senior prom.

27
Q

SKIP: I told you! I was pulling out of our driveway when my truck—

A

HEATHER: —blew a head gasket and you got oil all over your tux.

28
Q

SKIP: It’s true. I sent you the dry cleaners receipt to prove it.

A

HEATHER: So I sat home in my $300 dress and watched “Indiana
Jones and the Temple of Doom.”

29
Q

SKIP: I didn’t have any fun that night, either! There was oil everywhere.
I knew that you wouldn’t want to go out with a guy who smelled
like Penzoil.

A

HEATHER: You knew that, did you?

30
Q

SKIP: Well, would you have?

A

HEATHER: You always were such a know-it-all! You could have called.

31
Q

SKIP: I did. I left a message on your machine.

A

HEATHER: Of course you took the coward’s way out.

32
Q

SKIP: You didn’t pick up the phone!

A

HEATHER: Sure, blame it on me!

33
Q

SKIP: You know, you could have been just a bit empathetic.

A

HEATHER: Meaning?

34
Q

SKIP: You could have come over and helped me clean up the mess.

A

HEATHER: I hope you’re just about done with whatever you’re doing
here. I’d like a little peace and quiet.

35
Q

SKIP: Fine! I’ll come back later!

A

HEATHER: Don’t bother. I’ll go have a snack with my kids.

36
Q

VICTOR: Thunder! Maybe I ought to call myself Thunder. Victor Thunder!
(CARRIE screams loudly. VICTOR hides behind JOEL.)

A

HEATHER: Carrie, what is it?

37
Q

EMILY: Oh, my gosh! All those wax people were here a minute ago!

A

HEATHER: Oh, I’m sure somebody just… just moved them, that’s all.

38
Q

ROLF: That quickly?

A

HEATHER: Skip’s a pretty fast mover. I mean, he does his work
very fast.

39
Q

LUPE: Skip?

A

HEATHER: (Prim.) Mr. Webster, the handyman.

40
Q

CARRIE: Is he, like, your boyfriend?

A

HEATHER: (With a forced laugh.) You’ve got to be kidding.

41
Q

EMILY: Something weird is going on here.

A

HEATHER: Let’s go find out where my aunts put the statues.
(EXITS LEFT with JOEL, EMILY, ROLF, LUPE, CARRIE and VICTOR.
HENRY ENTERS RIGHT chomping on a turkey leg. CLEOPATRA
is at his side.)

42
Q

JOLENE: That’s ridiculous. I warned you not to eat that smothered
burrito, Julene. You know your imagination runs wild after
spicy food.

A

HEATHER: (ENTERS LEFT.) Aunt Jolene?

43
Q

JOLENE: There you are! And how are the children?

A

HEATHER: A bit nervous.

44
Q

SKIP: (ENTERS RIGHT. To JOLENE.) Mrs. Fairchild, I was just down in
the Colonial gallery and… What’d you do with all the wax figures?

A

HEATHER: I was going to ask the same thing.

45
Q

JULENE: Are you saying the figures are gone?

A

HEATHER: Yes. I was in the main gallery with the kids. One minute the
figures were there, the next minute they were gone.

46
Q

PANCHO: Hey, Butch

A

HEATHER: Uh-oh!

47
Q

BUTCH: He ain’t Butch. I am.

A

HEATHER: So you’re the Sundance Kid!

48
Q

SUNDANCE: So where’s the loot?

A

HEATHER: What’ll we do? Any bright ideas, Mr. Webster?

49
Q

SKIP: Why should I be the one with the bright ideas?

A

HEATHER: You seem to know everything!

50
Q

PANCHO: Adios! (SUNDANCE, BUTCH, CALAMITY and PANCHO
EXIT RIGHT.)

A

HEATHER: Aunt Jolene! What’s going on?

51
Q

HAZEL: Great! But we don’t even know if there is a treasure.

A

HEATHER: What treasure?

52
Q

CLEOPATRA: Two secret lovers in need of a hiding place.

A

HEATHER: Emily would be thrilled to see this!

53
Q

CLEOPATRA: (To SKIP, flirtatious.) And I am eternally grateful.

A

HEATHER: Hey!

54
Q

HAZEL: And they’re running amuck.

A

HEATHER: I’ve got to get the kids.

55
Q

SKIP: I’ll go with you.

A

HEATHER: No, it’s okay. I don’t need a man to help me with my
students, thank you. (EXITS RIGHT, haughty.)

56
Q
A