A1 Scene 1 drunken Santa Claus

Question 1

FRED
… you’ll be able to handle this parade yourself by the time you’re 10
SHELLHAMMER
would you believe 8?

Answer 1

DRUNK
Berry Dristmas! (KRIS helps him up. DRUNKEN SANTA tries to crack his whip, but it flops)

Question 2

KRIS
Allow me, sir. (cracks the whip smartly) You see, it’s all in the wrist

Answer 2

DRUNK
(takes a swig from a bottle) Never works ‘less you oil it zchuss a little (He chuckles at his joke)

Question 3

KRIS
You should be ashamed of yourself! And in front of all these children. YOu’re a disgrace to the uniform! Where’s your Christmas spirit?

Answer 3

DRUNK
(holding up bottle) Here! Right here… Gotta keep warm (he crosses his arms and slaps them. Drops bottle as he does so) Mmmmm warm

Question 4

SHELLHAMMER
How?
DORis
Get someone to help you shove, and tie him in, if you have to

Answer 4

DRUNK
I shink I’m going to be shleigh-shick (He passes out cold)