14

Question 1

Parenting Styles

Answer 1

Parenting can be viewed through the dimensions of warmth and control. Children whose parents show high warmth are more likely to feel secure, happy, and tend to be more well-behaved than children of parents low in warmth. Control is a second important factor. Neither too much, nor too little, control is desirable. Effective control involves setting appropriate standards, enforcing them, and trying to anticipate conflicts. Crossing the two dimensions of warmth and control results in four different parenting styles, which we will discuss in turn on the following slides.

Question 2

1. Authoritative Parenting

Answer 2

combines warmth and responsiveness with adaptive control techniques

Parents explain rules and encourage responsibility
Leads to best outcomes for children: high self-control, self-esteem, social maturity

Authoritative parents are warm, attentive, and sensitive to their child’s needs; they are highly involved in their child’s daily activities. At the same time, authoritative parents exercise firm, reasonable control. They insist on maturity that is appropriate for a child’s age, and give reasons for their rules and expectations. Authoritative parents encourage autonomy by permitting children to make their own decisions when they’re ready. They also place a premium on communication, encouraging their children to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires. When they disagree about something with their child, they try to see the child’s perspective and reach a compromise.

The children of authoritative parents tend to be more responsible, self-reliant, friendly, and have higher self-esteem compared to children whose parents have one of the other parenting styles.

Question 3

2. Authoritarian Parenting

Answer 3

combines high control with little warmth
Hard work, respect, and obedience are demanded; independence discouraged
Do not explain their rules & decisions
Children have lower self-esteem; unhappy & anxious

Authoritarian parents often engage in psychological control, degrading their children by mocking them or putting them down. To exert control, they yell, criticize and threaten. Instead of explaining their rules, they might say “You do this because I said so, and that’s final!” In an attempt to decide virtually everything for their child, authoritarian parents often interrupt, or put down the child’s ideas, decisions, and choice of friends. When frustrated, children of authoritarian parents tend to react with hostility and, like their parents, resort to force when they don’t get their way.

In the TV show Big Mouth, Andrew’s father Marty Glouberman is a prototypical example of an authoritarian parent, as he is perpetually yelling at Andrew, punishing him for ridiculous arbitrary reasons (e.g., for throwing out his last peach pit!), and rarely shows Andrew any affection or encouragement (e.g., booing and heckling Andrew from the stands while he’s playing in a basketball game).

Question 4

3. Indulgent-Permissive

Answer 4

combines warmth and acceptance with little control

Rarely use punishment and accept their children’s behaviour
Children: impulsive, rebellious, poor achievers

Instead of gradually granting children autonomy, indulgent-permissive parents allow their children to make decisions for themselves at an age when they’re not mature enough to be making those decisions. They might allow their children to eat dinner whenever they want, or stay up as late as they want, even on a “school night.” Examples of this type of parent abound in popular culture, including Regina’s Mom (played to perfection by Amy Poehler) in Mean Girls, who serves Regina and her friends cocktails, proclaiming “I’m not like normal Moms, I’m a cool Mom!” Or Phil Dunphy from Modern Family, who tries a bit too hard to be cool, and isn’t very good when it comes to having to lay down the law when one of their children acts out of line; he usually relies on his wife Claire to be the “bad cop.”

Although some permissive parents truly believe in this approach, others might simply believe they aren’t capable of influencing their child’s behaviour. Children of indulgent-permissive parents tend to have poor self-control, engaging in more antisocial behaviour compared to their peers with authoritative parents, especially boys.

Question 5

4. Uninvolved Parenting

Answer 5

little warmth or control; generally indifferent

Often overwhelmed with stress; little time or energy for children

Provide basic needs, but little else

Children: low self-esteem, aggressive, moody

Parents who are uninvolved spend very little time with their children. They tend not to provide guidance about appropriate choices or monitor the child’s whereabouts and activities, but unlike indulgent-permissive parents, show very little warmth toward their children. In extreme cases, this type of parenting would be considered neglectful. As you might imagine, uninvolved parenting leads to consistently negative outcomes for children.

Question 6

Parenting styles

Answer 6

Authoritative parenting most effective because:
Balance between restrictiveness and autonomy
Engagement in verbal give-and-take –> intellectual development
Warmth of relationship –> identification, admiration, and strong attachment to parents

Longitudinal research indicates that authoritative parenting promotes maturity and adjustment in children of diverse temperaments. Because there are individual differences in children’s temperaments, some children may need more strict discipline than others. But even “difficult” children gradually respond to authoritativeness with cooperation and maturity.

By engaging in autonomy granting that fits with children’s ability to take responsibility for their behaviour, authoritative parents let children know that they are competent individuals who can do things successfully for themselves. Children need some limits, but as they mature, they also need opportunities to develop autonomy; to make their own decisions without being overly dependent on their parents.

Question 7

Punishment

Answer 7

Generally less effective than reinforcement

To be effective, punishment should be:
1. applied swiftly and consistently
2. just severe enough to be effective
E.g., “timeout” or withdrawal of privilege
3. explained at level child understands

Different parents often have widely differing views on what constitutes an effective punishment for their children when they are misbehaving, something you might have noticed at friends’ houses when growing up. When it comes to shaping a child’s behaviour, positive reinforcement for good behaviour is generally more effective than punishment for undesirable behaviour. One reason why punishment is less effective than reinforcement is because it signals that an unacceptable behaviour has occurred, but it doesn’t always specify what should be done instead. For example, spanking a child for being mean to his younger sister might stop the behaviour, but it doesn’t tell him what the desired behaviour is.

If you want to eliminate a response, you should punish the response every time that it occurs; when parents are inconsistent about punishing a particular behaviour, they create more confusion than learning.

Punishments that are too severe can have undesirable side effects. For example, using strong physical punishment to discipline children who misbehave can make children more aggressive in return. Withdrawal of privileges (i.e., negative punishment) tends to be more effective than “positive” punishment; a time-out gives children time to think about what they did wrong and how they will act differently in the future.

When children are punished, the reason should be explained as fully as possible, given the constraints of their age; punishment combined with reasoning is more effective than either alone.

Question 8

Parenting in Middle Childhood

Answer 8

co-regulation: parents exercise general oversight while letting children take charge of daily activities

In middle childhood, the amount of time children spend with their parents declines dramatically. Growing independence means parents must deal with new issues: whether friends are good influences, keeping track of what their children are doing when they’re out, and when they’re online. Co-regulation grows out of a warm, cooperative relationship based on mutual respect. Parents need to monitor from a distance while effectively communicating their expectations. Children need to reciprocate by informing parents of their whereabouts, activities, etc., so parents can intervene if necessary. Although school-age children press for greater independence, they still realize how much they need their parents’ support.

Question 9

Changing Expectations

Answer 9

Parents
Expect proper behavior
More critical of mistakes

Children
Embarrassed at public affection
Less likely to cry, more likely to argue

During middle childhood, parents’ expectations of appropriate behaviour are higher than they are during early childhood. For example, if an 11-year-old throws a tantrum after losing a game, her parents might react more critically toward her behaviour than they would have when she was four. Different cultures have different timetables for expectations of what is considered proper social behaviour – manners, etiquette, asserting oneself, being respectful to one’s elders, etc.

As they get older, children also have different expectations of their parents’ behaviour. Expressions of affection at home might still be welcome, but totally embarrassing when they occur in the schoolyard. Arguments become more frequent as children push for more autonomy and disagree about norms and rules. A 12-year-old might be quick to point out his parents’ inconsistencies, stating “You tell me not to swear but then you swear all the time when you’re watching sports!”

Question 10

Can Parents be Too Involved?

Answer 10

“Helicopter” parents – hover over children, often past the time when the child should be independent

A few years ago, a young woman who was a college student at the University of Cincinnati obtained a restraining order against her overzealous parents. Her parents would often drive almost 1,000 kilometres to show up uninvited at her school and then accuse her of being sexually promiscuous and addicted to illegal drugs! During the court hearing, her parents admitted they installed software on her cellphone and laptop to monitor her e-mail and to review the numbers she was calling and texting. Her parents said their actions came from a place of love and genuine concern, not wanting what they considered risky behaviour to ruin her talent and success. Other “helicopter” parents of university-age children have been known to complain to their child’s professors about their grades, call or text their child incessantly to make sure they are attending class, or even accompany their child to a job interview to help negotiate their salary. With younger children, helicopter parenting often involves directing all of their child’s playtime activities, micromanaging their extracurricular activities, and doing their child’s homework or school projects for them.

Obviously, it’s not good when parents are completely uninvolved with their children’s lives, but helicopter parents take it to the other extreme, exerting too much control over their children’s activities, which prevents them from learning the skills necessary to thrive in the adult world. At the link above, listen to Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of the book How to Raise An Adult, discussing some of the reasons why it’s important for parents to grant children more autonomy as they age, so they can try things for themselves and learn from their own mistakes.

Question 11

The Changing Family System

Answer 11

1950s: nuclear family, 2 heterosexual parents, stay at home mother

1960s and on: significant changes, deviations from the “norm”
Examples: divorce, remarriage, maternal employment, daycare, same-sex parents

Back in the 1950s, the average Canadian family constituted two opposite-sex parents and four children. (This perfectly describes my mother’s family when she was growing up in this era.) But since the 1960s, there have been a number of dramatic societal changes that have resulted in much more variety in terms of family structures. In addition to the factors listed above, the postponement of marriage and children until one has reached one’s mid- to late thirties has resulted in fewer children per family. The majority of children are now living in families that deviate from the “norm.”

Question 12

Single Parent Families

Answer 12

Either divorced or parent never married

More likely to be headed by mothers

Especially stressful on children aged 4-11

About 25 percent of school-aged children in Canada live in a single-parent family. While some of these single-parent families are the result of a divorce, there’s also an increasing trend of career-oriented women over the age of 30 deciding to have (or adopt) children without having a partner. In many cases (especially following a divorce), single-parent families face increased financial hardship, which can lead to adjustment problems for the children. A strong social support network (e.g., extended family members to help out with raising children) can help ameliorate some of the negative effects.

Question 13

Same-Sex Parents

Answer 13

Children no different from children of opposite-sex parents in terms of mental health and peer relations

It has become increasingly common for same-sex couples to have children – some through previous heterosexual relationships, some through adoption, and a growing number through reproductive technologies. Claims by people who oppose same-sex marriage that children raised by non-heterosexual parents will be poorly adjusted are patently false. Longitudinal studies of children of gay and lesbian parents suggest that they are just as cognitively, emotionally, and morally mature, on average, as children with heterosexual parents.

Question 14

Divorce

Answer 14

In Canada about 38% of couples divorce; rate peaks in 5th year of marriage
significant increase from 1960 to 1985
Major factors: changes in laws and social norms

Divorce used to be socially unacceptable, even back in the 1950s and 1960s; undoubtedly, a lot of people stayed in terrible marriages simply because it was expected, for religious reasons, that it was a couple’s duty to stay together. In Canada, the divorce rate increased steadily until the mid-1980s, where it has since remained in the 35-40 percent range. Looking back at the weddings I attended in my 20s and early 30s, I realized that three of the first four weddings I attended have since come to an end (but fortunately, mine is still going strong after 9 years)!

Almost half of divorces involve children. Some children spend the rest of their childhood in a single-parent home; for others, one or both parents get re-married, leading to the children growing up in blended families, which we will talk about later. In many cases, a parent’s second marriage comes to an end as well. This shows that divorce is not a single event in the lives of parents and children but, instead, a transition that leads to a variety of new living arrangements, accompanied by changes in housing, income, family roles and responsibilities. How well children fare throughout this transition depends on several factors.

Question 15

Effects of Divorce on Children

Answer 15

Burns & Dunlop (1996)  Popular beliefs about divorce:

The “broken home” is a primary cause of maladjustment and delinquency

An unsatisfactory marriage is worth “keeping together” for the sake of the children

Are these claims supported by research? Not necessarily – while there are several types of adjustment problems for children whose parents divorce, many children are much better off when they’re not exposed to daily conflicts between unhappy parents. Children are likely to benefit if the ending of a stormy marriage ultimately reduces the stress they experience and enables one or both parents to be more sensitive and responsive to their needs.

Question 16

Divorce: Immediate Consequences

Answer 16

Sharp drop in income
High maternal stress
Disruption in daily routine
Less effective parenting

20-25% of children display severe problems

Depends on:

a) child’s age
younger children tend to blame self
older children may become depressed, engage in undesirable behaviour

b) child’s gender
Boys at greater risk for serious adjustment problems;
Girls face more long-term problems

In the immediate aftermath of a divorce, most children end up in households that are financially worse off than when their parents were together. This is especially the case for mother-headed households. Despite legislation requiring parents to pay child support, many women don’t receive full child support payments from their ex-husbands.

Other consequences which can have a negative impact on children include maternal stress, depression, and anxiety; mothers of young children are at a higher risk of experiencing these mood disorders. Predictable events and routines, such as meals, bedtimes, household chores, and joint parent-child activities are usually disrupted, at least until new routines are established.

Furthermore, parents often shift away from authoritative parenting toward less optimal forms. If children are now living with their mother, her parenting may be harsh and inconsistent; mothers often appear, to their children, to have been transformed into more hostile, less caring parents. Fathers who see children only occasionally tend to be permissive and indulgent, spoiling the children on weekend visits, making the mother’s task of managing the children more difficult. We should note that it’s becoming more common for mothers and fathers to share joint custody of children, which is associated with better outcomes for the children as long as both parents are cooperative with each other, and caring and supportive toward their children (a philosophy sometimes referred to as “conscious uncoupling,” popularized by celebrities Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin in the wake of their divorce).

Following a parent’s divorce, children are at an elevated risk for developing severe behavioural problems. Younger children especially might fear that the divorce was their fault, and that both parents may abandon them. As a result, they are more likely to display anxious, fearful, and angry reactions than older children with the cognitive maturity to understand that they are not responsible for their parents’ divorce. Still, many older children also react strongly, sometimes acting out at school, or engaging in early sexual activity, or turning to drugs and alcohol as a means of escaping their problems at home.

With exposure to parental conflict and inconsistent discipline at the time of a divorce, it has been found that boys are more prone to misbehaving than girls. Perhaps because their behaviour is more unruly, boys of divorcing parents tend to receive less emotional support from parents, teachers, and peers. The most negative outcome is experienced by boys of primary school age, with a high devotion to their father. This isn’t to say that all girls adjust easily, but instead of acting out, girls are more likely than boys to become more withdrawn and depressed. Some girls experience a lack of self-confidence in their relationships with boys and, later, men.

Question 17

Divorce: Long-Term Consequences

Answer 17

Most children show improved adjustment by two years after divorce

Best predictor of positive adjustment:
Effective parenting

Humans are remarkably resilient. We think when something bad happens (like a relationship ending, losing a job, or our parents getting divorced) that it’s going to have a devastating impact on our lives for a very long time. Although we might go through a rough stretch in the short term, we tend to adjust or adapt to our new circumstances, and we move on.

The best predictor of positive adjustment for children is how well the custodial parent(s) handles stress and shields the child from family conflict, and the extent to which each parent uses authoritative child rearing. The quality of relationships with the important adults in a child’s life matters more than the number of parents present in the house.

Question 18

Blended Families

Answer 18

face many unique issues

Being a step-parent is more difficult than being a natural parent
Different expectations
Children who have been socialized by another set of parents

In Canada, approximately 75 percent of men and 65 percent of women will remarry following a first divorce. When one or both members of a remarried couple have children from previous relationships, this can lead to a complicated network of relationships: natural parents and siblings, step-parents, step-siblings, grandparents and step-grandparents. For children who suddenly find themselves in a blended family, switching to new rules and expectations can be quite stressful. Some parents might be warmer and more involved with their biological children than their stepchildren. When a step-parent tries to assert authority, a child might react by saying “You’re not my real Dad – my real Dad wouldn’t make me do that!”

Question 19

Sibling Relationships

Answer 19

Older siblings sometimes perceive “neglect” upon arrival of baby sibling
Conflict normal, even in best sibling relationships

Conflict minimized when:
A) parents get along
B) parents monitor children’s activities
C) parents exhibit authoritative style toward all children

If you have a younger sibling, you might remember the excitement that occurred in the time leading up to your sibling’s birth. And perhaps, like my older daughter Keira, you suggested a silly name or two that didn’t make the cut when it came to deciding a name for the new baby (Keira suggested “Raina”, because “Daddy loves the song November Rain,” and “Besso”, for reasons unknown!) You might also remember being a bit jealous after your sibling was born, and you were no longer the center of your parents’ attention!

And if you were born with older siblings (like my younger daughter Sophie), your sibling(s) have been a major part of your life - someone to look up to, to seek comfort from, and sometimes annoy - from the minute you were born. Whether you and your sibling(s) are close confidantes, arch rivals, or somewhere in between, the pattern of interactions likely started early on. On the next slide, we will consider some of the common qualities of sibling relationships.

Following the birth of a second child, parents have less time and attention to devote to their first child, which can make an older child feel resentful during this adjustment phase. Older children sometimes respond by engaging in difficult behaviour, but this can be minimized if parents continue to provide love and attention to the older child, while maintaining normal routines to the extent possible. At the same time, older children will often respond to their baby sibling’s distress by trying to comfort them, make them smile, and asking parents how they might help out.

If you have a sibling, I’m sure it’s easy to bring to mind a common source of conflict, be it invading one’s room, taking one’s toys or clothes without permission, or even the most trivial matter (like who gets to sit in which seat in the car on a long trip, a common fight between me and my younger sister!) There are several factors that can escalate or de-escalate the number of sibling conflicts. Not surprisingly, children get along better in the absence of marital conflict and dissatisfaction. Children who observe their parents engaged in heated conflicts might come to learn that yelling and asserting one’s power is the way to deal with disagreements. And while parents need to give their children opportunities to learn how to compromise, and attempt to resolve their own conflicts, it’s important to be close by in order to intervene before a conflict escalates out of hand. It’s also important that children perceive that they are being treated fairly by their parents. If parents consistently favour one child over another (like Harry Potter’s adoptive parents, the Dursleys, who bestow affection and gifts upon their son Dudley, while ignoring Harry to the point of neglect), this is sure to cause resentment.

Question 20

Positive Contributions of Sibling Relationships

Answer 20

Providers of emotional support

Models and teachers

Research suggests that siblings are often important sources of emotional support, from infancy through adulthood. In a variant of Ainsworth’s “strange situation” (which we came across in Chapter 12), Stewart (1983) found that 10- to 20-month-old infants left in the presence of a stranger (with their parent absent from the room) would seek to alleviate their distress by approaching their four-year-old sibling, who was also in the room. And most older siblings, in turn, offered comfort to their younger sibling, especially if the older sibling had a secure attachment with their parent. As siblings progress into adolescence, they often become strong sources of emotional support, protecting and confiding in each other in the face of problems at home or at school. In the Netflix series Ozark, Charlotte and her younger brother Jonah become strong allies as they deal with the ramifications of their parents’ chaotic lives as money launderers, under the constant threat of violence from drug cartel rivals!

In addition to the emotional support they provide, older siblings often teach new skills to their younger siblings, either by modeling behaviours (e.g., throwing a baseball, demonstrating dance moves), or by giving direct instructions (e.g., telling them how to play a game). Younger children will often imitate their older siblings during playtime, or other household routines, which can sometimes be frustrating when there’s a wide age gap, and the younger sibling is unable to perform as adeptly at a skill (e.g., putting together a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle, or shooting a basketball). But it’s been found that older siblings display more patience while teaching their younger siblings than they do with a non-sibling, providing them with more detailed explanations and encouragement (Azmitia & Hesser, 1993).

It should be noted that in spite of the documented benefits of having a sibling, they are not essential for normal development, as “only children” tend to be just as well-adjusted socially and emotionally as children with siblings.

Question 21

Child Abuse

Answer 21

More commonly:
Physical
Neglect
Exposure to domestic violence

Less commonly:
Psychological
Sexual

Canada: 19 of 1000 children; actual rate higher

Parents commit 80% of incidents
Relatives: 7%
Other: 13%

Neglect: more often mothers
Sexual: more often fathers
18% of cases: parents jointly commit acts

Next we will look briefly at child abuse, or maltreatment. Psychologists classify abuse into five main categories. Physical abuse includes acts of assault such as kicking, shaking, or punching, that lead to physical injuries. Exposure to domestic violence includes children witnessing a parent or step-parent inflicting physical abuse upon an intimate relationship partner. Neglect involves failing to provide a child with the necessities of life, including food, clothing, medical care, and supervision. Sexual abuse involves unwanted touching or forcing a child to engage in sexual acts. Psychological abuse includes acts of ridicule, rejection, humiliation, or social isolation. In the most unfortunate of circumstances, some children may experience more than one type of abuse. All of these acts put a child at an elevated risk for experiencing serious mental or behavioural disorders, either in the near or distant future.

The vast majority of instances of child abuse take place at home, and are perpetrated by a child’s parents. The category “other” includes unmarried parents’ partners, school officials, religious figures, and camp counsellors. It is extremely rare for a child to be abducted and abused by a stranger.

When it comes to physical and psychological maltreatment, mothers and fathers commit these acts at an equal rate. Fathers are more likely to commit sexual abuse, and mothers are more likely to neglect their children. Infants are at the greatest risk for neglect, while pre-school and school-age children are at higher risk for the other three forms of abuse.

For a more in-depth look at factors that influence child maltreatment, please see your textbook (pp. 442-446, in Module 14.1).

Question 22

Quality of Family Environment More Important than Family Structure

Answer 22

Well‐structured, safe, monitored

Authoritative parenting:
Adults physically and psychologically available
Child feels secure, loved, unthreatened, safe to explore and learn

Eating meals together!

As I stated earlier, the quality of one’s home environment matters more than one’s family configuration. A low quality environment produces stress that puts a child at an increased risk for different types of maladjustment: aggression, behavior problems, depression, anxiety, delinquency, substance abuse, etc. Caring, authoritative parents, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, or marital status, are the most important factor in setting the foundation for a child to thrive.

Question 23

Peers

Answer 23

Def: two or more people who are operating on similar levels of behavioural complexity

Why important?
Equal status… fosters development of social competencies, cooperation

Typically same-age but mixed-age peers can provide important experiences, develop skills as well

For children, interactions with peers are very different from the interactions with adults (e.g., parents, teachers) in that peer relationships are equal status relationships, as opposed to hierarchical relationships. Peers, for the most part, possess equal power as opposed to parents or teachers who have more power than children, and this affects interaction style.

Within these equal-status peer relationships, children can express their true opinions (which they might not reveal to parents or other adults). Piaget suggested that the conversations, disagreements and negotiations that happen among equal-status peers, help children to gain new perspectives, and provide a catalyst for children’s cognitive development.

There are several situations where a child can benefit from having friends who are older or younger than they are. A child who’s the youngest in his family (and who tends to be oppressed by his older siblings) might learn to lead and show compassion when playing with a younger friend. An only child can acquire social competencies hanging out with peers who are slightly younger or older than she is. I was the oldest child in my family and, in university, I had a housemate who was a few years older than I was who I came to look up to as an older brother type figure.

Question 24

Relating to Peers Through Play

Answer 24

parallel play – children play beside each other without much interaction (at 1 yr.)

18 mos: associative play
Separate activities but exchange toys

2 yrs: children engage in cooperative play. They play roles and interact
Build social skills; group-entry skills

Next, we will look at how children’s interactions with peers become progressively more complex as they get older. Very young children engage in what as known as parallel play. They often maintain an interest in what the other child is doing, occasionally looking over, but not trying to influence their behaviour.

By 18 months, children still engage in parallel play, but they also being to engage in associative play, in which they initiate brief interactions with peers, and imitate actions of others. Once they are capable of cooperative play, children play hide-and-seek, games with their dolls and stuffies, and make-believe fantasy games. In an earlier slideshow we already talked about the cognitive benefits of make-believe play, but it has many social benefits as well. Through experience, children learn how to interact with others in a way that leads to acceptance, rather than rejection. They also learn how to join a group by observing what’s going on and then trying to become a part of it without being aggressive or interrupting.

Question 25

Solitary Play

Answer 25

Usually not indicator of problems.
Wandering aimlessly or hovering over others playing may be reason for concern

Some children (especially first-born children) like to spend time engaged in solitary activities, like solving puzzles, reading, building things with Lego, or imaginary role play. This is not a sign of maladjustment. Parents or teachers should only be concerned if a child never tries to interact with others, or hovers outside a group of children without knowing how to join in.

Question 26

Friendships

Answer 26

By age 4, more stable friendships form; based mostly on play, sharing toys

At age four, children often have regular playmates, but friendships are still quite primitive. Friendship is viewed concretely, in terms of play and sharing toys. A child might describe a peer as their best friend one day; but on another day, when the child is mean or refuses to share, she might say they aren’t friends anymore.

Question 27

Friendship Selectivity

Answer 27

at 8 or 9, children have their first intimate and reciprocal relationships

emphasize mutual trust and loyalty

become more selective

By age eight or nine, friendships are not just about play and shared activities, but also trust and assistance. Children at this age learn that true friends won’t say mean things about them behind their back. Girls, more so than boys, confide in one another, share personal thoughts and feelings, and trust that their friends won’t tell everyone else at school the next day.

As mutual trust and loyalty become more important in friendships, school-age children become more selective about who they’re friends with. A pre-schooler might say that everyone in the class is her friend, but a nine-year-old will usually identify 4 to 6 people as being good friends. And this continues to narrow with age – children typically have 1 or 2 close friends (or “besties” as the kids say these days!) in later adolescence.

Question 28

Interaction Between Friends

Answer 28

Friends behave more positively to one another than non-friends
Praise, cooperation, self-disclosure

But also disagree and compete more than non-friends

Friends are more emotionally expressive, talking, laughing, and looking at one another more often than non-friends do. Pre-schoolers give twice as much reinforcement (greetings, praise) to children they identify as friends, and also receive more from them in return. As children progress through middle childhood, we see an increase in mutual self-disclosure, which builds intimacy.

When children hold differing opinions, friends are more likely than non-friends to voice them. At the same time, school-age friends use negotiation to resolve conflicts more than non-friends do. Children realize that close friendships can survive disagreements if both parties are secure in their liking for each other.

Question 29

Resemblance Between Friends

Answer 29

tend to be same-sexed, similar aged, and from the same race or ethnic group

tend to have similar interests, attitudes, and recreational pursuits

Cliques = groups of 4-6 individuals

Crowds = larger group with common label (e.g., “jocks,” “nerds,” “stoners,” etc.)

From middle childhood onward, friends within a clique (usually a same-gender group of 4-6 individuals) often resemble one another in personality, popularity, academic achievement, educational aspirations, and judgments of other people. As friends spend more time together, they socialize one another, becoming increasingly alike in attitudes, values, and social behaviour. During high school, adolescents often belong to certain crowds - larger groups consisting of multiple cliques, often mixed-gender. High school crowds are often referred to by names such as “brains,” “jocks,” “floaters,” “band geeks,” “stoners,” etc., which differ in terms of their social status/prestige, and which can therefore enhance or impair a teen’s reputation.

Question 30

Consequences of Friendship

Answer 30

Children with good friends:
a) tend to have higher self-esteem
b) are less likely to be lonely or depressed
c) are more likely to engage in prosocial behaviour

Having a good friend (or tight-knit group of friends) helps children cope better with the stresses of everyday life. A rewarding friendship can help children who are shy from developing emotional problems. Children experiencing family stress who have close friends show as high a level of well-being as children from more stable families.

Children with good friends also tend to have more advanced social skills, such as sympathy, empathy, and being able to communicate with others and resolve conflicts.

One other benefit of close friendships in middle and late childhood is that they provide a foundation for future intimate relationships. Self-disclosure to friends precedes disclosure to romantic partners, and these emotionally-laden conversations help to prepare a pre-teen or teenager for the type of discussions they’ll have when they’re romantically involved with someone.

Question 31

Dating Demographics

Answer 31

Average adolescent begins “dating” at around 12-13 yrs.

By age 16, > 90% of adol’s have had at least one date

By age 18, 75% of adol’s have been involved in a “steady” relationship

Dating is a well-established social institution within our culture. As they are earlier to mature, girls have a tendency to date slightly older boys, while boys typically date girls the same age or younger. Recent research suggests that LGBTQ+ youth are starting to “come out” earlier than in past generations, although many still engage in heterosexual dating before their first same-sex relationship.

Question 32

Functions of Dating

Answer 32

Early adolescence:
- Establishing behavioural and emotional autonomy from parents
- Establishing popularity
- Learning about the self as a relationship partner

Late adolescence:

Further development of intimacy

Sexual experimentation

Companionship (without responsibility of marriage)

In times past, dating during adolescence was part of the process of courtship and mate selection; it was not uncommon to marry one’s high school sweetheart at age 19 or 20. Parents continue to regulate and monitor adolescent dating in order to prevent rash or impulsive commitments to early marriage, but in the minds of most young people, high school dating has little to do with courtship or marriage.

During early adolescence, dating has several positive outcomes, including social competence, increased self-esteem, and acceptance by friends. One’s choice of dating partner, however, may have more to do with how one will be seen by others than with the actual quality of the relationship itself. Nonetheless, dating during the teenage years provides an opportunity to learn relational patterns that influence the course of subsequent relationships. Negative outcomes can occur if a teen or pre-teen is pressure to become involved in any type of sexual activity before they are ready.

True intimacy is characterized by openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust. As we saw earlier, adolescents usually first develop intimacy with same-sex friends during early adolescence, but girls more so than boys. In our culture, boys are often not as encouraged to be emotionally expressive in their relationships with other males. As a result, upon entering a romantic relationship, girls are often more capable of being intimate and eager for emotional closeness than boys.

Question 33

Dating Concerns

Answer 33

Parents: concerned that adolescents will make premature commitments

Adolescents:

Sense that may be having more fun if seeing more people

Some lack the emotional maturity for an exclusive relationship

Breaking up –> hurt feelings, loss, and depression

While dating provides many benefits to the development of adolescents, it also raises concerns, both for teenagers and their parents as well. Parents are often concerned about their children making premature commitments (e.g., getting married and having children before completing high school or university and establishing a career).

Adolescents might be concerned that being in an exclusive relationship will limit their number of dating partners, and thus give them less opportunity to experience different partners and relationships before “settling down.” The breakup of a romantic relationship is the single most common trigger of a first episode of major depression. Adolescents are particularly vulnerable to loss because their identity development is incomplete, and their range of coping skills is not fully developed.

Question 34

Friends vs. Romantic Partners

Answer 34

Romantic relationships more likely to involve:

Intense emotions (both pos. and neg.)

Sexual activity
[although there are more “friends with benefits” relationships]
Boundary often unclear

If adolescent romantic relationships often begin as friendships today, what distinguishes a friendship from a romantic relationship? For starters, romantic relationships are more likely to involve intense emotions, be they positive (e.g., love, ecstasy), or negative (e.g., anxiety, discomfort, jealousy). Second, romantic relationships are more likely to involve sexual activity, although there are many more instances of “friends with benefits” (FWB) than in times past. If one partner sees the relationship as strictly being a friendship and the other sees it as more than that, there can be misunderstandings and hurt feelings as a result. Likewise, if one partner thinks that they are exclusive, but the other partner has several other FWBs. There often comes a critical time in a FWB relationship when the members have to confront this issue, and decide if they are actually a couple (as depicted in movies like Friends With Benefits, and No Strings Attached).

Question 35

Sexual Activity During Adolescence

Answer 35

Oral sex more common among today’s adolescents than among previous generations

2015/16 Canadian Community Health Survey data

Have you ever had sexual intercourse (vaginal or anal)?

15-17 yr. olds: 23.3%

18-19 yr. olds: 57.6%

Representative surveys of Canadian adolescents suggest higher rates of oral sex than vaginal or anal intercourse. Many of today’s youth believe that oral sex “doesn’t count” as sexual activity, and it’s not considered as intimate as intercourse, whereas your parents and grandparents likely would have seen this as a more intimate act than intercourse. Although the risk of contracting STIs from oral sex is lower than from intercourse, the risk is still present, and many adolescents are unaware of this fact.

The most recent comprehensive survey of sexual behaviours among Canadian youth was conducted in 2015/2016. According to the Canadian Community Health Survey, a small majority of Canadian adolescents have had sexual intercourse (either vaginal or anal) with at least one partner by the end of their teen years. (Among the next oldest age demographic, 20 to 24-year-olds, 78.3% reported having experienced sexual intercourse.) Overall, this reflects a slight downward trend from previous surveys in the 1990s and 2000s. Across these three age cohorts combined, being currently sexually active was more common among gay males (71.3%) than among heterosexual males (53.2%). For females, the percentages of those who reported being sexually active were comparable regardless of sexual orientation (55.5% of heterosexual females, 58.6% of lesbian females and 62.3% of bisexual females).

Question 36

The Timing of Sexual Initiation

Answer 36

May, June, July common regardless of romantic involvement (prom, graduation)

Holiday season in December is peak time for serious relationships

As seen above, adolescents are more likely to have their first sexual experience during certain times of the year. Perhaps this trend doesn’t apply in 2020/2021 with so many in-person proms and graduations cancelled due to the stupid pandemic!

Question 37

Gender Differences

Answer 37

Boys sexual behaviour predicted by:
Biological factors
Popularity

Girls sexual behaviour predicted by:
Biological factors
Social factors:
Friends’ attitudes / behaviour
Family structure (esp. divorced, being raised by single mother)

Biological factors have an influence on the desire for sexual behavior in boys and girls. A testosterone surge at puberty sparks initial interest in sex for boys and girls (girls are also influenced by estrogens). Boys who are more popular with girls and mature earlier tend to initiate sex earlier than unpopular and later-to-mature boys.

Context is especially important for girls. Important predictors of girls’ involvement in sexual intercourse are whether their friends are having sex or whether they have sexually permissive attitudes. Several factors related to a girl’s family situation might influence her sexual behaviour as well. Girls are more likely to respond to problems at home by going outside the family for alternative sources of support. During or immediately following her parents’ divorce, a girl may seek the support of individuals with whom she becomes sexually involved. In some cases, family turmoil has been found to trigger the release of stress hormones which, in turn, trigger the onset of puberty at an earlier age.

Question 38

Contraceptive Use

Answer 38

approx. 40% of high school students report not always using a condom
Ignorance: lack of knowledge / information about contraception.

Illusion of invulnerability.

Lack of motivation

Lack of access

The most important difference between teens who become pregnant and those who do not is contraceptive use. A sizeable percentage of adolescents fail to use contraception regularly. Researchers estimate that the risk of teen pregnancy is about half due to the absence of contraceptive use, and about half due to failed (incorrect) contraceptive use. Approximately fifty percent of adolescents report using the withdrawal or rhythm methods of contraception, two of the least effective ways to prevent pregnancy (and obviously not very effective protecting against STDs). Girls and boys cite trust in their partner and belief in the “cleanness” of their partner as reasons for not using contraceptives.

Some teens do not know where or how to obtain contraceptives, or feel uncomfortable discussing contraception use with their partner.

Question 39

Popularity and Rejection

Answer 39

Two subtypes:

Prosocial – academic & social competence

Antisocial – aggressive, either physically or relationally; seen as “cool”

Hymel and colleagues used what’s known as a sociometric technique as a way of determining which children in a class were the most and least popular. Peer acceptance was measured using a self-report survey, in which children were asked to anonymously submit lists of classmates whom they liked, and those whom they disliked. The children who received the most likes and dislikes corresponded quite highly to teachers’ assessments of which students were the most and least liked by their classmates.

When data from Hymel et al.’s and other researchers’ studies are analyzed, it is usually possible to classify children into one of five categories. Popular children are those who are liked by many peers and disliked by few. Interestingly, two subtypes of popular children have emerged. “Prosocial” popular children are skilled academically and socially, and are skillful at communicating with others. They solve social problems constructively – when playing a game, instead of just complaining that something isn’t fair, they step in and try to solve the problem diplomatically.

“Antisocial” popular children are seen as cool, but often have mean or aggressive tendencies. “Antisocial” popular boys are usually academic underachievers who are athletically skilled; they often cause trouble and defy adult authority. Girls classified as “antisocial” and popular tend to be relationally aggressive; they enhance their own status by ignoring, excluding, and spreading rumours about classmates.

Children classified as “rejected” are those who are disliked by a majority of their classmates. As with popularity, two subtypes of “rejected” children have been identified. The most common subgroup are classified as “aggressive.” These children tend to be socially unskilled, and aggressive, both physically, and relationally, frequently engaging in hyperactive, inattentive, and impulsive behaviour. They are also more likely than others to misinterpret the innocent behaviours of peers as hostile, and to blame others for their social difficulties. Rejected children often behave in ways that evoke negative reactions from peers, and aren’t aware that they have poor social skills.

A smaller subgroup of rejected children are classified as “withdrawn.” These children are passive and socially awkward, often overwhelmed by social anxiety. They hold negative expectations for treatment by their peers, and are often victims of bullying.

In some cases, rejected children of both types befriend their fellow rejected peers, but most have few friends.

School-age children with peer-relationship problems are more likely to have experienced family stress due to low income, insensitive child-rearing, or coercive discipline. They may have learned to demonstrate inappropriate behaviour if their parents are combative with others or have an aggressive interpersonal style.

Children designated as “controversial” are liked by many classmates, but disliked by just as many others. They tend to be high in sociability, while also high in aggression. At times, controversial children can be hostile and disruptive, but at other times they are friendly and engage in prosocial acts. Controversial children often have as many friends as popular children, but they bully others to get their way and engage in calculated relational aggression to sustain their social dominance.

Children classified as “average” are liked or disliked by a moderate number of their peers. Typically, about one third of students fall into this category, receiving fewer “likes” or “dislikes” than controversial children.

And a final group of children are classified as “neglected”; these children almost seem as if they’re invisible, as very few peers nominate them as liked or disliked. These children tend to be very quiet and introverted, so this lack of attention usually doesn’t bother them. Unlike rejected children, neglected children have decent social skills, and when they want to, they can break away from their usual pattern of playing alone and join in with a group.

In sum, popularity is influenced by a number of factors, but the most important one seems to be competent social skills. Interventions for children who are frequently rejected by their peers often aim to help these children learn more effective ways of interacting with others.

Question 40

Parents vs. Peers

Answer 40

Parental influence on peer contacts
Neighbourhood of residence
Daycare, playmate choices
Direct vs. indirect supervision of preschoolers
Authoritative vs. authoritarian practices

We’ve seen that peers are important in helping children develop appropriate forms of social behaviour and competence, but are they more important than parents? It’s hard to say, because not only do parents and peers both play important roles in socializing children, parents can also indirectly affect how peers socialize children.

Parents choose the neighbourhood in which children live and play and what daycare and school the child will attend.
When children are younger, parents can choose, for the most part, what peers children will play with. Early on in life, cousins and parents’ friends’ children are common playmates for children.
Parents can choose to engage in direct or indirect supervision of their young children and this affects children’s peer interactions. Preschoolers whose parents indirectly monitored their peer interactions are much better liked (and less disliked) by their classmates than those whose parents closely monitored and often intruded on their play activities. Perhaps this is because problematic peer interaction encourages close monitoring by parents. Indeed, mothers who believe their children are not very socially skilled are the ones who are most intrusive during play with peers.
Parenting style has been shown to influence children’s success with peers. As we learned earlier, authoritative parents tend to have children with good social skills and high acceptance by peers. Authoritative parents are warm and accepting and monitor their children’s peer interactions to ensure that they are being appropriate and respectful, but give children considerable flexibility to structure their own play activities and resolve minor disputes and disagreements with peers on their own. Authoritarian parents, who frequently yell at their children and order them around, tend to have children who are poor at regulating emotions, which is related to less positive peer interactions.

Question 41

Factors that Contribute to Effective Schooling

Answer 41

1. School Climate
   Safe and nurturing
2. Emphasis on academic excellence
3. Parental involvement
4. Mentoring programs (w. non-parental adults)
5. Teamwork / progress is monitored
6. Authoritative teachers

These factors are especially important for at-risk children from low-SES families

A consideration of important sources of influence in children’s lives would be incomplete without also considering the roles of schools and teachers! First, of utmost importance, is creating a safe school environment. When children feel safe and encouraged, they are more engaged in school, which helps them to achieve well academically, and experience fewer emotional problems; it’s hard to focus on school if you’re always worried about safety being threatened in hall or yard. A second important factor is a school prioritizing academic goals. In order to determine if children are learning the curriculum, they need to be regularly assigned homework and tests which are checked, corrected, and discussed with them. Additionally, children should be recognized for their achievements.

As a parent, I’ve tried to be active in volunteering at my daughters’ school, for events like field trips, and helping to organize movie nights and game nights. This has provided me a good opportunity to get to know some of the teachers, and put names to faces of my daughters’ classmates. As such, it was tough during the first two years of the pandemic when all extra-curricular activities were cancelled and parents weren’t allowed inside the school. But even in the absence of volunteer opportunities, parents can still show they care by asking about their children’s school units, projects, and recess activities at the dinner table.

Children can benefit from learning from other adults (aside from their parents), who can serve as positive role models, and offer different perspectives and worldviews from their parents’. In high school, there were three teachers I especially benefitted from, who led extra-curricular activities I was involved in – the band, the baseball team, and the student newspaper.

Effective schools have faculties that work as a team, jointly planning the curriculum and monitoring student progress, under the guidance of an energetic principal, who makes themself accessible to everyone (teachers, students, and parents).

Just like authoritative parents are most effective, as we learned earlier, the same goes with teachers: those who are warm, caring, concerned about their students, and firm but fair with rules tend to bring out the best performances in their students. Some other qualities of authoritative teachers include: effectively managing their classrooms (i.e., not wasting time dealing with distracting disciplinary problems); giving lessons that begin and end on time; telling students what is expected of them and giving clear feedback about their academic performance; and creating a classroom environment in which everyone feels welcome, everyone is encouraged to participate, and motivated to work to the best of their abilities.

Students are less likely to thrive under teachers who are too permissive or too authoritarian. I remember one teacher at my elementary school, Mr. Hyman, who was a very tall and imposing figure, and he used to scare the crap out of students, especially in the younger grades, with his thunderous yelling at students who were misbehaving!

Throughout the course, we’ve come across several examples of how living in poverty and/or having neglectful or indifferent parents can have negative effects on a child’s development, placing them at an increased risk for conduct problems, internalizing disorders (depression or anxiety), and other antisocial behaviours. A positive school environment with authoritative teachers can contribute substantially to the positive social, emotional, and academic development of all children, but it’s going to have an even more profound effect on children who have negative home environments.