14 Flashcards
Parenting Styles
Parenting can be viewed through the dimensions of warmth and control. Children whose parents show high warmth are more likely to feel secure, happy, and tend to be more well-behaved than children of parents low in warmth. Control is a second important factor. Neither too much, nor too little, control is desirable. Effective control involves setting appropriate standards, enforcing them, and trying to anticipate conflicts. Crossing the two dimensions of warmth and control results in four different parenting styles, which we will discuss in turn on the following slides.
- Authoritative Parenting
combines warmth and responsiveness with adaptive control techniques
Parents explain rules and encourage responsibility
Leads to best outcomes for children: high self-control, self-esteem, social maturity
Authoritative parents are warm, attentive, and sensitive to their child’s needs; they are highly involved in their child’s daily activities. At the same time, authoritative parents exercise firm, reasonable control. They insist on maturity that is appropriate for a child’s age, and give reasons for their rules and expectations. Authoritative parents encourage autonomy by permitting children to make their own decisions when they’re ready. They also place a premium on communication, encouraging their children to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires. When they disagree about something with their child, they try to see the child’s perspective and reach a compromise.
The children of authoritative parents tend to be more responsible, self-reliant, friendly, and have higher self-esteem compared to children whose parents have one of the other parenting styles.
- Authoritarian Parenting
combines high control with little warmth
Hard work, respect, and obedience are demanded; independence discouraged
Do not explain their rules & decisions
Children have lower self-esteem; unhappy & anxious
Authoritarian parents often engage in psychological control, degrading their children by mocking them or putting them down. To exert control, they yell, criticize and threaten. Instead of explaining their rules, they might say “You do this because I said so, and that’s final!” In an attempt to decide virtually everything for their child, authoritarian parents often interrupt, or put down the child’s ideas, decisions, and choice of friends. When frustrated, children of authoritarian parents tend to react with hostility and, like their parents, resort to force when they don’t get their way.
In the TV show Big Mouth, Andrew’s father Marty Glouberman is a prototypical example of an authoritarian parent, as he is perpetually yelling at Andrew, punishing him for ridiculous arbitrary reasons (e.g., for throwing out his last peach pit!), and rarely shows Andrew any affection or encouragement (e.g., booing and heckling Andrew from the stands while he’s playing in a basketball game).
- Indulgent-Permissive
combines warmth and acceptance with little control
Rarely use punishment and accept their children’s behaviour
Children: impulsive, rebellious, poor achievers
Instead of gradually granting children autonomy, indulgent-permissive parents allow their children to make decisions for themselves at an age when they’re not mature enough to be making those decisions. They might allow their children to eat dinner whenever they want, or stay up as late as they want, even on a “school night.” Examples of this type of parent abound in popular culture, including Regina’s Mom (played to perfection by Amy Poehler) in Mean Girls, who serves Regina and her friends cocktails, proclaiming “I’m not like normal Moms, I’m a cool Mom!” Or Phil Dunphy from Modern Family, who tries a bit too hard to be cool, and isn’t very good when it comes to having to lay down the law when one of their children acts out of line; he usually relies on his wife Claire to be the “bad cop.”
Although some permissive parents truly believe in this approach, others might simply believe they aren’t capable of influencing their child’s behaviour. Children of indulgent-permissive parents tend to have poor self-control, engaging in more antisocial behaviour compared to their peers with authoritative parents, especially boys.
- Uninvolved Parenting
little warmth or control; generally indifferent
Often overwhelmed with stress; little time or energy for children
Provide basic needs, but little else
Children: low self-esteem, aggressive, moody
Parents who are uninvolved spend very little time with their children. They tend not to provide guidance about appropriate choices or monitor the child’s whereabouts and activities, but unlike indulgent-permissive parents, show very little warmth toward their children. In extreme cases, this type of parenting would be considered neglectful. As you might imagine, uninvolved parenting leads to consistently negative outcomes for children.
Parenting styles
Authoritative parenting most effective because:
Balance between restrictiveness and autonomy
Engagement in verbal give-and-take –> intellectual development
Warmth of relationship –> identification, admiration, and strong attachment to parents
Longitudinal research indicates that authoritative parenting promotes maturity and adjustment in children of diverse temperaments. Because there are individual differences in children’s temperaments, some children may need more strict discipline than others. But even “difficult” children gradually respond to authoritativeness with cooperation and maturity.
By engaging in autonomy granting that fits with children’s ability to take responsibility for their behaviour, authoritative parents let children know that they are competent individuals who can do things successfully for themselves. Children need some limits, but as they mature, they also need opportunities to develop autonomy; to make their own decisions without being overly dependent on their parents.
Punishment
Generally less effective than reinforcement
To be effective, punishment should be:
1. applied swiftly and consistently
2. just severe enough to be effective
E.g., “timeout” or withdrawal of privilege
3. explained at level child understands
Different parents often have widely differing views on what constitutes an effective punishment for their children when they are misbehaving, something you might have noticed at friends’ houses when growing up. When it comes to shaping a child’s behaviour, positive reinforcement for good behaviour is generally more effective than punishment for undesirable behaviour. One reason why punishment is less effective than reinforcement is because it signals that an unacceptable behaviour has occurred, but it doesn’t always specify what should be done instead. For example, spanking a child for being mean to his younger sister might stop the behaviour, but it doesn’t tell him what the desired behaviour is.
If you want to eliminate a response, you should punish the response every time that it occurs; when parents are inconsistent about punishing a particular behaviour, they create more confusion than learning.
Punishments that are too severe can have undesirable side effects. For example, using strong physical punishment to discipline children who misbehave can make children more aggressive in return. Withdrawal of privileges (i.e., negative punishment) tends to be more effective than “positive” punishment; a time-out gives children time to think about what they did wrong and how they will act differently in the future.
When children are punished, the reason should be explained as fully as possible, given the constraints of their age; punishment combined with reasoning is more effective than either alone.
Parenting in Middle Childhood
co-regulation: parents exercise general oversight while letting children take charge of daily activities
In middle childhood, the amount of time children spend with their parents declines dramatically. Growing independence means parents must deal with new issues: whether friends are good influences, keeping track of what their children are doing when they’re out, and when they’re online. Co-regulation grows out of a warm, cooperative relationship based on mutual respect. Parents need to monitor from a distance while effectively communicating their expectations. Children need to reciprocate by informing parents of their whereabouts, activities, etc., so parents can intervene if necessary. Although school-age children press for greater independence, they still realize how much they need their parents’ support.
Changing Expectations
Parents
Expect proper behavior
More critical of mistakes
Children
Embarrassed at public affection
Less likely to cry, more likely to argue
During middle childhood, parents’ expectations of appropriate behaviour are higher than they are during early childhood. For example, if an 11-year-old throws a tantrum after losing a game, her parents might react more critically toward her behaviour than they would have when she was four. Different cultures have different timetables for expectations of what is considered proper social behaviour – manners, etiquette, asserting oneself, being respectful to one’s elders, etc.
As they get older, children also have different expectations of their parents’ behaviour. Expressions of affection at home might still be welcome, but totally embarrassing when they occur in the schoolyard. Arguments become more frequent as children push for more autonomy and disagree about norms and rules. A 12-year-old might be quick to point out his parents’ inconsistencies, stating “You tell me not to swear but then you swear all the time when you’re watching sports!”
Can Parents be Too Involved?
“Helicopter” parents – hover over children, often past the time when the child should be independent
A few years ago, a young woman who was a college student at the University of Cincinnati obtained a restraining order against her overzealous parents. Her parents would often drive almost 1,000 kilometres to show up uninvited at her school and then accuse her of being sexually promiscuous and addicted to illegal drugs! During the court hearing, her parents admitted they installed software on her cellphone and laptop to monitor her e-mail and to review the numbers she was calling and texting. Her parents said their actions came from a place of love and genuine concern, not wanting what they considered risky behaviour to ruin her talent and success. Other “helicopter” parents of university-age children have been known to complain to their child’s professors about their grades, call or text their child incessantly to make sure they are attending class, or even accompany their child to a job interview to help negotiate their salary. With younger children, helicopter parenting often involves directing all of their child’s playtime activities, micromanaging their extracurricular activities, and doing their child’s homework or school projects for them.
Obviously, it’s not good when parents are completely uninvolved with their children’s lives, but helicopter parents take it to the other extreme, exerting too much control over their children’s activities, which prevents them from learning the skills necessary to thrive in the adult world. At the link above, listen to Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of the book How to Raise An Adult, discussing some of the reasons why it’s important for parents to grant children more autonomy as they age, so they can try things for themselves and learn from their own mistakes.
The Changing Family System
1950s: nuclear family, 2 heterosexual parents, stay at home mother
1960s and on: significant changes, deviations from the “norm”
Examples: divorce, remarriage, maternal employment, daycare, same-sex parents
Back in the 1950s, the average Canadian family constituted two opposite-sex parents and four children. (This perfectly describes my mother’s family when she was growing up in this era.) But since the 1960s, there have been a number of dramatic societal changes that have resulted in much more variety in terms of family structures. In addition to the factors listed above, the postponement of marriage and children until one has reached one’s mid- to late thirties has resulted in fewer children per family. The majority of children are now living in families that deviate from the “norm.”
Single Parent Families
Either divorced or parent never married
More likely to be headed by mothers
Especially stressful on children aged 4-11
About 25 percent of school-aged children in Canada live in a single-parent family. While some of these single-parent families are the result of a divorce, there’s also an increasing trend of career-oriented women over the age of 30 deciding to have (or adopt) children without having a partner. In many cases (especially following a divorce), single-parent families face increased financial hardship, which can lead to adjustment problems for the children. A strong social support network (e.g., extended family members to help out with raising children) can help ameliorate some of the negative effects.
Same-Sex Parents
Children no different from children of opposite-sex parents in terms of mental health and peer relations
It has become increasingly common for same-sex couples to have children – some through previous heterosexual relationships, some through adoption, and a growing number through reproductive technologies. Claims by people who oppose same-sex marriage that children raised by non-heterosexual parents will be poorly adjusted are patently false. Longitudinal studies of children of gay and lesbian parents suggest that they are just as cognitively, emotionally, and morally mature, on average, as children with heterosexual parents.
Divorce
In Canada about 38% of couples divorce; rate peaks in 5th year of marriage
significant increase from 1960 to 1985
Major factors: changes in laws and social norms
Divorce used to be socially unacceptable, even back in the 1950s and 1960s; undoubtedly, a lot of people stayed in terrible marriages simply because it was expected, for religious reasons, that it was a couple’s duty to stay together. In Canada, the divorce rate increased steadily until the mid-1980s, where it has since remained in the 35-40 percent range. Looking back at the weddings I attended in my 20s and early 30s, I realized that three of the first four weddings I attended have since come to an end (but fortunately, mine is still going strong after 9 years)!
Almost half of divorces involve children. Some children spend the rest of their childhood in a single-parent home; for others, one or both parents get re-married, leading to the children growing up in blended families, which we will talk about later. In many cases, a parent’s second marriage comes to an end as well. This shows that divorce is not a single event in the lives of parents and children but, instead, a transition that leads to a variety of new living arrangements, accompanied by changes in housing, income, family roles and responsibilities. How well children fare throughout this transition depends on several factors.
Effects of Divorce on Children
Burns & Dunlop (1996) Popular beliefs about divorce:
The “broken home” is a primary cause of maladjustment and delinquency
An unsatisfactory marriage is worth “keeping together” for the sake of the children
Are these claims supported by research? Not necessarily – while there are several types of adjustment problems for children whose parents divorce, many children are much better off when they’re not exposed to daily conflicts between unhappy parents. Children are likely to benefit if the ending of a stormy marriage ultimately reduces the stress they experience and enables one or both parents to be more sensitive and responsive to their needs.
Divorce: Immediate Consequences
Sharp drop in income
High maternal stress
Disruption in daily routine
Less effective parenting
20-25% of children display severe problems
Depends on:
a) child’s age
younger children tend to blame self
older children may become depressed, engage in undesirable behaviour
b) child’s gender
Boys at greater risk for serious adjustment problems;
Girls face more long-term problems
In the immediate aftermath of a divorce, most children end up in households that are financially worse off than when their parents were together. This is especially the case for mother-headed households. Despite legislation requiring parents to pay child support, many women don’t receive full child support payments from their ex-husbands.
Other consequences which can have a negative impact on children include maternal stress, depression, and anxiety; mothers of young children are at a higher risk of experiencing these mood disorders. Predictable events and routines, such as meals, bedtimes, household chores, and joint parent-child activities are usually disrupted, at least until new routines are established.
Furthermore, parents often shift away from authoritative parenting toward less optimal forms. If children are now living with their mother, her parenting may be harsh and inconsistent; mothers often appear, to their children, to have been transformed into more hostile, less caring parents. Fathers who see children only occasionally tend to be permissive and indulgent, spoiling the children on weekend visits, making the mother’s task of managing the children more difficult. We should note that it’s becoming more common for mothers and fathers to share joint custody of children, which is associated with better outcomes for the children as long as both parents are cooperative with each other, and caring and supportive toward their children (a philosophy sometimes referred to as “conscious uncoupling,” popularized by celebrities Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin in the wake of their divorce).
Following a parent’s divorce, children are at an elevated risk for developing severe behavioural problems. Younger children especially might fear that the divorce was their fault, and that both parents may abandon them. As a result, they are more likely to display anxious, fearful, and angry reactions than older children with the cognitive maturity to understand that they are not responsible for their parents’ divorce. Still, many older children also react strongly, sometimes acting out at school, or engaging in early sexual activity, or turning to drugs and alcohol as a means of escaping their problems at home.
With exposure to parental conflict and inconsistent discipline at the time of a divorce, it has been found that boys are more prone to misbehaving than girls. Perhaps because their behaviour is more unruly, boys of divorcing parents tend to receive less emotional support from parents, teachers, and peers. The most negative outcome is experienced by boys of primary school age, with a high devotion to their father. This isn’t to say that all girls adjust easily, but instead of acting out, girls are more likely than boys to become more withdrawn and depressed. Some girls experience a lack of self-confidence in their relationships with boys and, later, men.
