1 - Love Flashcards
What exclusionary factor identifies the cultural relevance of love within families?
The incest taboo
What are the two main types of love?
- Familial (eg. kids for the parents)
- Sexual (eg. partners)
What is the greatest factor in creating our understanding of love?
language
What hint leads us to believe that many people view love as something that we are powerless to control?
Our language, such as ‘falling in love’ or ‘love at first sight’
Do opposites attract?
Not really
What are four factors that increase the chance of people falling in love?
- Frequent exposure
- Propinquity (neighbourhood)
- Homophily (equal status)
- Matching phenomenon (partners equal in terms of social and personal characteristics)
What is the attraction-similarity hypothesis?
States that people look for partners with their ‘purchasing power’ in mind. That is, if you think you’re a ten, you get a ten, etc.
What are three common things that people talk about when they first meet? Why?
- Occupation
- Location
- Family
To determine attraction and value of having that person as a partner. This is somewhat the purpose of small talk
What is the two-component theory of love?
- A state of intense physiological arousal, followed by:
2. Application of a label “love” to that sensation
What is a risk identified by the two-component theory of love?
That physiological arousal from other stimuli is attributed to feelings of love (ie. risk of misattribution of arousal)
What is the emotional component of love?
Intimacy
Characterized by closeness, bonding, mutual understanding and sharing
What is the motivational component of love?
Passion
Characterized by physical attraction and sexual expression
What is the cognitive component of love?
Commitment
Characterized by short term decision to love and the long term decision to maintain relationship
What are the three tenants of the triangular theory of love?
- Intimacy
- Passion
- Commitment
What are the 7 types of love around Sternberg’s Triangle?
- Intimacy (liking only)
- Companionate love (intimacy and commitment)
- Empty love (commitment only)
- Fatuous love (commitment and passion)
- Passion (infatuation only)
- Romantic love (passion and intimacy)
When there is intimacy, commitment and passion = consummate love
What is a love story about? And why is it important?
What we feel love ‘should’ be like.
When we fall in love, it is because you meet someone who fits your love story
What are the three elements of the ‘love as story’ ideo of love?
- Characters
- A plot
- A theme
What are three types of love stories?
- War story
- Love is a mystery (ie a partner that you can never really know)
- House and home (home is the centre of the relationship)
What two neurotransmitters stimulate the brain to feel attraction?
norepinephrine and PEA
Produces feelings of elation and euphoria. Can’t eat or sleep
What may lead to ‘fixing’ on love?
The body building up a tolerance to the stimulating effects of norepinephrine and PEA
What is the cuddling and physical intimacy endorphin associated with attachment and orgasm/sexual satisfaction?
Oxytocin
Produces a sense of security, tranquility and calm
What endorphin causes inability to differentiate love/lust?
Oxytocin
Is the concept of love old or new?
Relatively new considering human history. Traditionally been about acquiring land, power and wealth through arranged marriages.
Does sexual self-disclosure to close friends increase or decrease with age?
Decrease
Young people disclose more
Do more men or women disclose details about their sex life to their friends?
Very slightly more women (but practically equal)
What are some differences between individualistic culture and collective cultures in terms of love?
- Individualistic cultures select on basis of attractiveness, similarity and resources. Collective attach to those who bring harmony to the group, as well as attractiveness, similarity and resources
- Individualistic cultures value independence and uniqueness
- Individualistic culture value romantic love
- More cost-benefit consideration with individualistic cultures
- Emotional detachment from the group is acceptable in individualistic cultures
What type of communication is closely related to sexual satisfaction with the relationship? Why? (3)
Sexual self-disclosure
- Helps to learn about what pleases/displeases each other
- Leads to reciprocity
- Leads to greater intimacy
What is levelling?
Telling your partner what you are feeling by stating your thoughts clearly, simply and honestly
What are four tenets for good messages and communication?
- Complain rather than criticize (I language)
- Don’t mind read or make assumptions about what partner things or feels
- Documenting (giving specific examples of the issue being discussed)
- Offer limited choices - offering a set of acceptable alternatives
What is editing?
Censoring or not saying things that would be deliberately hurtful to your partner or that are irrelevant
What is a good listener?
A non defensive listener that focuses on what your partner is saying and feeling. Not immediately becoming defensive or counterattacking with complaints of your own
What is validating?
Telling your partner that given his/her point of view, you can see why he or she thinks a certain way
What is paraphrasing?
Saying, in your own words, what you thought your partner meant
What is drawing your partner out?
Open-ended questions that call for more than a yes or no
What are the rules of fighting fair?
- Don’t give ambiguous messages
- Don’t make assumptions about the meaning of ambiguous messages
What is a mixed union?
A couple where one partner is a visible minority and the other is not
What is the tendency for men and women to choose partners similar to themselves?
Matching pehnomenon
Is similarity in personality correlated with relationship satisfaction?
No
But similarities in attitudes is
What is Byrne’s law of attraction?
Reinforcement theory, says that our attraction to another person is proportionate to the number of reinforcements plus punishments the person gives us
What are the four views of love?
- The triangular theory
- The attachment theory
- The love-as-a-story perspective
- The passionate love ciew
What is the fastest component of love to arise and fade?
Passion
What are the short term and long term aspects of commitment?
Short term: decision to love
Long term: commitment to maintain relationship
Commitment is what makes relationships last
What ideas gave rise to the attachment theory of love?
That early attachments (ie. in childhood) form the basis for adult relationships
What are the four points on an attachment theory scale?
Positive/negative model of other (Seeks/avoids others)
Positive/negative model of self (self confident/anxious)
What are the four types of attachment identified in the attachment theory of love?
- Secure (positive model of self/other)
- Preoccupied (positive model of other, negative model of self)
- Fearful (negative model of other/self)
- Dismissing (positive model of self, negative model of other)
Are children of divorced parents more or less likely to have a secure attachment style? What does affect attachment style?
Neither, not correlated
Quality of relationships with parents and friends in childhood and adolescence
How can a married couple that constantly fights have a good marriage?
Because they have the same temperament and the same love story (war story) they are a good match for each other.
