You actually have to dealwthis

Question 1

Opener

Answer 1

2 years ago
Dating women
Pretending
Bad for all of us..not seeing anyone now but don’t want it to come out of the blue
Also I didn’t fully appreciate how challenging it would be for you and I think I am better able to empathize with you now…the most important thing is
Understand: positive!
No crushes, no marriage -> hopeless
Possibilities: excited!
Ok not to be happy
I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.
Nothing is changing and I know processing this is going to continue to take a lot of time
Also I hope you see that if you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop or something, it’s not going to. I’ve been dating women for almost three years now and nothing has changed

Question 2

“This doesn’t make sense”

Answer 2

I understand it’s hard to wrap your head around
How would you like me to explain it?
What would make sense?
How can I make it make sense?

OR
I understand that. But I am happy and healthy and excited about future relationships and that’s what’s most important

Question 3

“What about guys?”

Answer 3

Never say never but I’m not actively dating guys rn because I didn’t find it fulfilling

Question 4

“I think you’re confused.”

Answer 4

I can see why you’d think that. I know this is confusing for you and it was for me at the very start of the process. But it is a process and I’m not confused anymore.

Question 5

“How do you know?” or “Are you sure?”

Answer 5

I came to understand myself, my attractions, and interests based on a ton of factors: past relationships, emotional connections, various experiences. I can’t boil it down to one specific origin…just like you can’t boil down why you love dad to one specific origin

Question 6

Why are you bringing this up now?

Answer 6

Because I love you and I want to be honest with you and I don’t want to feel like a teenager, trying to hide something that I don’t believe needs to be hidden.

Question 7

“Gay people can’t be happy”

Answer 7

I love my life and I love the way I view the world around me because of who I am and whom I love.

Question 8

Have you tried dating men?

Answer 8

Being gay is not about whether or not I have tried to date [opposite gender]. It is about who I am physically, emotionally and romantically attracted to.

Question 9

Why are you telling us this? What’s your goal?

Answer 9

I want to feel more authentic and genuinely myself with you…and in the future I do hope to have a partner and I would hate to have this come out of the blue then and feel like a blindside

Question 10

When did you know?

Answer 10

I think I started questioning in 2017 but I didn’t start exploring it until 2020 or identifying as gay or lesbian until 2021. It’s taken me a long time to understand my attractions and emotions…so I understand if it takes you a long time too.

Question 11

Why did you wait so long to tell us?

Answer 11

I don’t want our relationship to change…and two years ago it seemed like it might and that scared me

Question 12

What if it changes?

Answer 12

Let’s focus on the experience right now and not worry so much about the future

Question 13

What do you want us to do?

Answer 13

Nothing, really except keep an open mind. I’m happy and healthy and you did a great job parenting me. I’m also having a book delivered here…only the first couple of chapters are relevant bc your parenting job is done but I thought it might be helpful to read

Question 14

Things are bad now. Why are you telling us now?

Answer 14

Would there be a good time to tell you?
I came tothe conclusion that the longer I let it sit, the harder it would be to reopen the topic

Question 15

Last time was bad

Answer 15

Yes, I know. It all happened in a rush, very fast, and I didn’t pause to empathize with you and how this might feel for you. It was new territory for me too and I also wasn’t sure how to navigate it. I’d like us to do better this go-round.

Question 16

Starts attacking homosexuality

Answer 16

I know you love me so I know you don’t think that what you’re saying upsets me, but it does so please stop.

Question 17

Who have you told?

Answer 17

I’m very open about this with my friends and you are welcome to be open about it with friends and family as well.

Question 18

Will your life be harder?

Answer 18

I might have to think about things that you and dad have never had to in your relationship…but that doesn’t scare me. for the record, no one has had a negative reaction to my being gay - except for you guys…handling the family aspect of this has been the only hard part

Question 19

If you haven’t been in a relationship, how could you possibly know?

Answer 19

I haven’t been in a relationship but I’ve been lucky enough to experience some really wonderful connections – like with my friend Joanna whom I met in Scotland – and sexuality isn’t determined by who you’re in a relationship with but who I’m physically, emotionally, and romantically attracted to

Question 20

This is a phase

Answer 20

You could be right and my understanding of myself could evolve. But it’s equally likely I meet a girl and fall in love, get married, have kids, and grow old with her, happier than you could have ever imagined.