United Breaks Guitar

Question 1

I flew United Airlines on my way to Nebraska.

Answer 1

The plane departed Halifax, connecting in Chicago.

Question 2

While on the ground, a passenger said from the seat behind me,

Answer 2

“My god, they’re throwing guitars out there.”

Question 3

The band and I exchanged a look,

Answer 3

best described as terror, at the action of the tarmac and knowing whose projectiles these would be

Question 4

So before I left Chicago,

Answer 4

I alerted three employees who showed completely indifference toward me.

Question 5

United, You broke my Taylor guitar.

Answer 5

United, Some big help you are.

Question 6

You broke it.

Answer 6

You should fix it.

Question 7

You’re liable.

Answer 7

Just admit it.

Question 8

I should’ve flown with someone else or gone by car,

Answer 8

‘cause United breaks guitar.

Question 9

When we landed in Nebraska, I confirmed what I suspected.

Answer 9

My Taylor’d been the victim of a vicious act of malice at.

Question 10

So began a year long saga,

Answer 10

of “pass the buck,” “don’t ask me” and “I’m sorry, Sir, your claim can go nowhere.”

Question 11

So to all the airline people from New York to New Delhi,

Answer 11

including kind Ms. Irlweg who says the final word from them is “No.”

Question 12

I heard all your excuses,

Answer 12

and I’ve chased your wild gooses, and I say this attitude of yours, I say, must go.

Question 13

Well, I won’t say that I’ll never fly with you again,

Answer 13

‘cause, maybe, to save the world, I probably would, but that won’t likely happen.

Question 14

And if it did, I wouldn’t bring my luggage,

Answer 14

‘cause you’d just go and break it, into a thousand pieces, just like you broke my heart when United breaks guitar.