Unit 3 Flashcards
Types of Attraction
- Physical
- Social
- Task
Physical Attraction
Attracted to people’s appearance
Social Attraction
Attracted to the way they act; we would rather be friends with these people; call these people when we are bored
Task Attraction
Attracted to one’s ability to work; desire to work with someone to fulfill a goal
Elements of Interpersonal Attraction (6 elements)
Similarity, Proximity, Physical Appearance, Complimentary Characteristics, Credibility, Reciprocity
Elements of Attraction - Similarity
Attracted to how many qualities others have with us; number one way two people stay together
Fatal Attraction
The very thing we thought was attractive in a relationship ends up being the end of the relationship; ways people eat
Elements of Attraction - Appearance
Most important in the beginning of the relationship; first impression
Elements of Attraction - Complimentary Characteristics
When each partners characteristics satisfy the others needs; Opposites attract
Elements of Attraction - Competency
Attraction to people who are confident, competent, and incredible; fine line between cocky and competence
Elements of Attraction - Proximity
Development of relationships because of constant interaction with another person
Elements of Attraction - Reciprocity
We tend to like people whom are attracted to us
Duck’s Filtering Theory of Attraction (4 steps)
Step theory
- Sociological clues
- Pre-interaction clues
- Interaction clues
- Cognitive clues
Duck’s Theory - Sociological Clues
We cannot be attracted to someone that we have never met/interacted to before; locations
Duck’s Theory - Pre-interaction clues
What we notice about that person before we actually make an interaction with them; outside sources; determines our approach behavior
Duck’s Theory - Interaction clues
What happens when we start to interact with that person
Duck’s Theory - Cognitive clues
What the person thinks and believes in
Social Exchange Theory (7 things)
Takes a business model and puts into relationships
- Rewards and Costs
- Outcome
- Comparison level
- Comparison level of alternatives
- Satisfaction
- Commitment/Stability
Exchange Theory - Rewards
Any sort of profit or gain from a relationship; people value rewards differently
Exchange Theory - Costs
Exchanged resources that result in loss; things lost in relationships
Exchange Theory - Outcomes
Getting our rewards and applying our costs
- Positive outcome - when rewards are higher than costs
- Negative outcome - when costs are higher than rewards
Exchange Theory - Comparison Level (CL)
Expectation about the types of outcomes that we think we deserve; what we think we should get out of our relationships; what affects expectations (Media, parental relationships, past experiences)
Exchange Theory - Comparison Level of Alternatives (CLalt)
Alternatives that we see outside of our relationships; other ways someone could be spending their time
Exchange Theory - Satisfaction
When the outcome is bigger than the Comparison Level; when comparison level is bigger than outcome then the person usually is not happy
Exchange Theory - Commitment/Stability
If outcome is bigger than CLalt = high commitment/stability; if CLalt is bigger than outcome = low commitment/stability
Reasons for Relationship Termination (4 reasons)
Geographical, Social, Lack of Fulfillment, Precipitating events
Relationship Termination - Geographical
Physical distance from your significant other
Relationship Termination - Social
How others (parents, friends, strangers) feel about that person; Romeo and Juliet effect
Relationship Termination - Lack of Fulfillment
Something you want outside the relationship; needs/expectations aren’t being met; guy wants sex, girl doesn’t or vice versa
Relationship Termination - Precipitating events
Events that lead to the end of the relationship/friendship; ultimatums, cheating/loss of trust, bro code violations, boredom
Relational Maintenance Strategies (5 Strategies)
Positivity, Openness, Assurance, Social Networks, Sharing Tasks
Maintenance Strategies - Positivity
Acting cheerful, smiling, being happy, positive behaviors; generally refraining from negativity
Maintenance Strategies - Openness
Being open to one another and being able to self-disclose; being able to talk openly and freely
Maintenance Strategies - Assurances
Faithfulness and commitment; Implies that the relationship has a future
Maintenance Strategies - Social Networks
When social circles merge then relationships and friendships become closer
Maintenance Strategies - Sharing Tasks
Doing things together that we both enjoy; videogames, sports, sexual intercourse… stuff like that
Three Dialectical Tensions
- Connection vs. Autonomy
- Openness vs. Closedness
- Predictability vs. Novelty
Dialectical Tension - Connection vs. Autonomy
We want to be connected with that person; deep relationships/ However we want to be independent and want to do what we want to do when we want to do it
Dialectical Tension - Openness vs. Closedness
We want to be open in our relationship because we want to be known to that other person/ However that can be scary to do so now we want some things to be private
Dialectical Tension - Predictability vs. Novelty
We want to be able to predict what the other person in the relationship will do/ however too much predictability will get boring; we want more novelty; however too much novelty leads to wanting to be boring
Intimacy
Special relational state that occurs in our closest relationships; feelings of warmth, deep friendship and affection
Characteristics of Nonverbal Intimacy (7 Characteristics)
o Close proximal distance o Forward lean o Eye contact o Direct body orientation o Smiling o Touch o Vocal expressiveness
Verbal Intimacy - Self Disclosure
When we share people get to know us better and then the other person feels like they need to share to you also; get closer together
Verbal Intimacy - Alter-Centrism
Focusing on the other person; opposite of ego centrism
Verbal Intimacy - Relationship Talk
Things that show affection to another; I love you, I want you, etc.
Verbal Intimacy - Inclusive Pronouns
instead of using “I, me” use “us, we, our”; it draws a sense of togetherness
Verbal Intimacy - Casual Forms of Address
When addressing people you can either be formal (This is Mr. Benson), or informally or casual (What up LJ)
Lee’s Love Styles (6 styles)
- Eros
- Storge
- Ludis
- Mania
- Agape
- Pragma
Love style - Eros
Physical love; common in initial parts of relationship; being physically attracted to a person
Love style - Storge
Companionate love; share beliefs, goals, activities; my other is my best friend
Love style - Ludis
Game playing love; avoiding commitment; they enjoy the chase of the relationship rather than the actual relationship
Love style - Mania
Possessive love; demanding and dependent; a person wants to be in control of the relationship
Love style - Agape
Unselfish or Altruistic love; more giving than receiving; would rather have your significant other be happy rather than yourself; too much is dangerous
Love style - Pragma
Practical Love; Individual that you think might have the same characteristics as you; qualities of your dream lover
Myths about conflict (5)
- Conflict always damages relationships
- Conflict can always be avoided
- Conflict occurs because of misunderstandings
- Conflict is always the sign of a bad relationship
- Conflict can always be resolved
Conflict
Expressed struggle between two interdependent parties who perceive that they have incompatible goals
Conflict Styles (5 styles)
Collaborating Competing Accommodating Avoiding Compromising
Conflict Style - Collaborating
High concern for others and for self
- Requires a lot of work for this to work
- Both people work to resolve the conflict in the best way for both parties
Conflict Style - Accommodating
High concern for others and low for self
- Sacrifice your needs for someone else
- When doing this you cannot guilt trip
Conflict Style - Competing
High concern for self and low for others
-My concerns before others concerns
Conflict Style - Avoiding
Low concern for self and others
- I avoid the conflict all together
- changes topics
Conflict Style - Compromise
Mild concern for both self and others
- Give a little and lose a little
- Both people gain something but they also lose something
Conflict goals (4 goals)
Content goals
Relational goals
Identity/face-saving goals
Process goals
Conflict Goals - Content
What we really want
-things we can list/support with evidence
Conflict Goals - Relational
How we treat each other
- How much interdependence/independence to we want
- dealing with these can be difficult
- based upon perceptions
Conflict Goals - Identity/face saving
Who am I in this interaction
- Protect our identity so we aren’t embarrassed or humiliated
- We don’t like to look bad in any way
- EX: when in an argument we don’t like to admit we are wrong even though we know we are
Conflict Goals - Process
What process should we use
- Informal conversation
- What is right and what is wrong
- In relationships there are rules
Rules for Positive Conflict Management (5 rules)
Define problems and goals Avoid evaluative statements Avoid Gunny-sacking Manage emotions Perspective Taking
Conflict Management - Define Problems and Goals
What is the real issue, now what is the goal?
Avoid disagreements because of miscommunications
Conflict Management - Avoid evaluative statements
Focus on descriptive statements
When people are defensive it is hard to resolve conflicts
Conflict Management - Avoid gunny-sacking
When a person stores up problems and solutions and eventually exudes them all at once
Conflict Management - Manage emotions
When emotional, we lose ability to listen in conflicts and conversation
Conflict Management - Perspective Taking
Placing ourselves in others shoes makes it easier to resolve the conflict and make them feel better
Family (3 Definitions)
Traditional - Father, mother, children under once roof
Modern - emphasis on interpersonal relationships and personal commitments
Book definitions - system of two or more interdependent people who have a common history, present reality, and who expect to influence each other in the future
Communication Rules in Families (2 types)
Conversation Orientation
Conformity Orientation
Conversation Orientation
Open climate of conversation that happens with family
- High - Freely frequently, and spontaneously interacting with each other
- Low - Families interact less with each other; few topics they talk about with each other
Conformity Orientation
The degree in which a family stresses uniformity in beliefs, values and attitudes
- High - family is closer and more traditional
- Low - isn’t as close and less traditional
Four types of Families
Pluralistic
Consensual
Laissez-Faire
Protective
4 Types - Pluralistic
High Conversation and low conformity
- Parent don’t feel the need to control their kids and encourage independence
- Open discussion involving a wide range of topics
4 Types - Consensual
High Conversation and high conformity
- Open climate with the idea that all rules will be followed
- Open conversation but family beliefs need to be said in discussion
4 Types - Laissez-Faire
Low conversation and low conformity
-Parents believe their kids can make their own decisions and they don’t care what decisions they make
4 Types - Protective
Low conversation and high conformity
- Parents experience their kids to follow rules with no value in communication
- Military and religious families most of the time fall under this
Stages of Sibling Relationship (4 stages)
Childhood
Middle childhood to Adolescence
Adult
45-85
Sibling stages - Childhood (Definition and two types of Childhood styles)
Spend more time with your sibling than anyone else in the family
- Reciprocal - Close in age and developmental status
- Complementary - larger gap in age; different developmental status; older sibling will act as a leader
Sibling stages - Middle Childhood to Adolescence
Siblings drift apart
Sibling stages - Adult
- Become best friends with their sibling (2/3 or 66% of siblings are best friends)
- talk maybe once or twice a month
Sibling stages - 45-85
Contact increases because nothing is holding you down
Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Criticism/Complaints
Contempt/Disgust
Defensive behavior
Stonewalling/Avoidance
Horsemen - Criticism/Complaints
Verbally attacking statements; personal attacks
Horsemen - Contempt/Disgust
Contempt and disgust are
- Communicated nonverbally
- Response to defensive behavior
- Talking down to someone
Horsemen - Defensive Behavior
Denying responsibility; warding off personal attack; justifying your actions
Horsemen - Stonewalling/Avoidance
Psychologically: not listening to someone
Physically: leaving the conversation
-In marriages 80% of the time it is the man stonewalling
Communications at Work (4 types)
Upward
Downward
Horizontal
Outward
Work communications - Upward
Subordinate to superior; more respectful; more formal; information based
Work communications - Downward
Superior to subordinate; Directive, questioning of work, authoritative
Work communications - Horizontal
Communication between people who are the same level as you; peer communication; More friendly and honest in nature; bosses would love to get rid of it because of employees gossiping
Work communications - Outward
Communication between someone outside of the organization and in the organization; employee to customer; positive and informative
Types of Power (5 Types and Power definition)
Power - ability to influence others and resist others influence attempts
- Legitimate
- Referent
- Expert
- Reward
- Coercive
Power types - Legitimate
Power in a position; respect in a position
-Police, President, etc.
Power types - Referent
Power based in attraction
- Very likable, attractive, charismatic
- Beyonce
Power types - Expert
Power in Knowledge, experience or skill set
- Sheldon (Big bang theory)
- Knowing things others may not
Power types - Reward
Ability to satisfy needs
-Promotions, vacation time, stickers, etc.
Power types - Coercive
Ability to punish
-Demotion, overtime work, being fired
Sex and Gender (Definitions)
Sex- physiological differences
-Men and women brains act differently
Gender - Psychological differences
-more masculine or feminine in communication
Sex and Gender (influences on behavior and Perceptions)
Behavior - no proven influence
Perceptions - Arguments without support – women are evaluated as less intelligent, knowledgeable, and influential than men… by both sexes; Use of tag questions and disclaimers (powerless speech) – women are perceived as less intelligent and knowledgeable than men… again by both sexes
Leadership Styles (2 types)
Task oriented leaders - exercise direct control over people; specify what needs to be done and how to do it
People oriented leaders - suggests ways to proceed; helps groups determine what actually needs to be done
Importance of Human needs (3 needs)
Need for control
Need to be seen as competent/knowledgeable
Need to be in relationships/connected
Synchronous vs. Asynchronous (FtF vs. EMC)
Synchronous - face to face via media device (skype, tango, etc.)
Asynchronous - Communication via media device without face to face (Texting, email, etc.)
-Know the differences between the two (Face to Face vs. Electronically Mediated Communicated)
Characteristics of Friendships (5 Characteristics)
Voluntary - Choose our friends/romantic partners Equality - less egalitarian Assistance and support Activity sharing Disclosure and Confidentiality
Knapp’s stage Theory of Relationships (stages in coming together)
Initiating Experimenting Intensifying Integrating Bonding
Knapp’s Theory (coming together)- Initiating
Meeting the person; shake hands, hello, smile; basic demographic questions
Knapp’s Theory (coming together)- Experimenting
Searching for common ground; lots of small talk
Knapp’s Theory (coming together)- Intensifying
Self disclosure increases; become more informed about who they are
Knapp’s Theory (coming together)- Integrating
Becoming a couple, best friends; people expect to see you together
Knapp’s Theory (coming together)- Bonding
Public expression of a relationship
Knapp’s Theory of Relationships (Coming apart)
Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding Terminating
Knapp’s Theory (Coming Apart) - Differentiating
Emphasizing differences
Knapp’s Theory (Coming Apart) - Circumscribing
Inability to negotiate differences; topics become off-limits
Knapp’s Theory (Coming Apart) - Stagnating
Relationship becomes a stand-still
Knapp’s Theory (Coming Apart) - Avoiding
Removing yourself both physically and psychologically from relationships
Knapp’s Theory (Coming Apart) - Terminating
THE END! no but seriously the relationship ends
Sex Assumptions (2 assumptions about sex communications)
Women’s communications are communal and not instrumental
Men’s communications are instrumental and not communal
-women pursue talk and men pursue activities
Sex Reality (2 realities about sex communications)
Women and men are equal when talking about communal and instrumental topics
Men are more likely to pursue activities but they still pursue talk
Challenges of Cross Sex Friends (3 Challenges)
Romantic (emotional bond)
Sexual
Public Presentation
Cross Sex Friends - Romantic
Men and women who socialize together are often seen as potential romantic partners; eventual change in their demeanor
Cross Sex Friends - Sexual
Sexual intercourse often gets in the way of cross sex friendships; cross sex friends are often seen as sexual partners
Cross Sex Friends - Public Presentation
If someone outside the friendship sees two people together they often are assumed to be romantic partners
How Long Distance Relationships are different (3 things)
Idealization
Mediated Communication
Conflict Avoidance
LDR Differences - Idealization
You see that person or relationship in a more positive light than you should; you see it as a great relationship when it actually isn’t
Mediated Communication
Ways to talk to your significant other
-Online mostly because you cannot make physical contact
Conflict Avoidance
Tend to avoid conflict
-Long distance is not a good time to start conflicts
Ways to Improve LDR
Reciprocity - both need to be trying as hard as the other
Be intentional - be real in conversation; genuineness
Consistency - be consistent in communication
