Traps to avoid Flashcards
Advice-in-disguise questions
These questions invariably come from the coach’s agenda, not the client’s. A sure sign that you are falling into this trap is to notice that your question can be answered yes or no and that your sentence begins with a verb. The questions suggest that there is a right answer, and of course that is the one in the coach’s mind.
The why question
When you ask the question ‘Why . . . ?’ it seems at first like a benign, open question. In practice it is another trap. The question ‘Why . . . ?’ invites defensiveness which takes the form of analysing and intellectualizing. The ‘Why . . . ?’ question is also unhelpful because it often focuses on the client’s motivation. Nine times out of ten when you ask this question you will get the response ‘I don’t know’, or ‘It’s just how I am.’
Trap 3: Researching the data
The client already has this data so it is pointless to ask them to give it to you. It will be far more important for you to take the client into areas that they have never considered and that means asking a different type of question. The most likely explanation for your behaviour is your own anxiety: ‘Do I really understand this client’s organization?’ (Probably not, but you don’t need to) ‘How is this team like other teams I know in different organizations?’ (Irrelevant – it may be or may not be). When you find yourself searching for data, notice it as a sign that you are at Level 1 listening (see page 38), more concerned about whether you are asking the right questions than in truly listening to the client. Extra facts are a distraction and will take you away from the real issues rather than towards them.
Trap 4: Asking about people who are not present
A client presents you with a puzzle. Let’s say it is about how to harness the flagging motivation of their PA. The trap here is to ask about the PA’s motivation or concerns. Coach: What does she feel about it? Client: Who can say? None of us can ever know for sure what another person’s motivation is. Clumsy probing about other people’s motivation or feelings may confirm the client’s belief that the other person is the problem, rather than looking at their own contribution to it.
Trap 5: Long and double questions
As a coach, when you ask long questions you are at risk of turning the spotlight of the coaching onto yourself. Long questions normally come out of uncertainty. Inside, the coach is thinking: ‘What shall I ask next? If I go on talking I’ll get to something eventually and it will cover up any pauses which might otherwise embarrass me . . .’ As a coach, you cannot afford the luxury of doing all your thinking out loud. It will only confuse your client if your questions have long preambles followed by many dependent clauses, garlanded with phrases intended to give yourself time to think: sort of, you know and I mean.
