Top Of Mind

Question 1

When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

Question 2

We procrastinate when we’ve forgotten who we are and what should get our attention.

Question 3

When faced with a decision, ask yourself: “What option feels like it will produce the most amount of luck in the future? Choose it.”

I’ve yet to see the Luck Razor fail.

Question 4

Be who you want to be instead of looking for a company to make you who you wish you were.

Question 5

The only real form of security is working on yourself.

Question 6

Work at the intersection of things you enjoy doing, things you’re good at & things that other people want. Combine 2-3 skills and aim to become not the best, but the only one.

Question 7

You choose your future with your actions each day.

Question 8

Each day is a new battle to say yes to what matters and say no to what doesn’t. Focus is a practice.

Question 9

When we’re in the moment of pain, we tend not to reflect, but after that moment of pain, whenever anybody makes a mistake, about anything, it’s not just the situation, it’s about life. There’s a message there.”

Question 10

Choose carefully the stories you tell yourself about who you are and what you’re capable of.

Question 11

You don’t rise to the level of your challenges, you fall to the level your ability to manage yourself.

Question 12

The way to expand your freedom is to narrow your focus. Stay focused on executing at work to achieve career freedom.

Question 13

People don’t talk about the soul very much anymore. It’s so much easier to write a résumé than to craft a spirit. But a résumé is cold comfort on a winter night, or when you’re sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you’ve gotten back the chest X ray and it doesn’t look so good…You cannot be really first-rate at your work if your work is all you are.

Question 14

“You only hold the rights to your effort, but never to your results. Results are entitled to no one. At best, they are on loan and must be renewed each day.”

Question 15

The difference between motion and action:

Motion:
-talk to a personal trainer
-research your book idea
-explore different types of meditation

Action:
-do 10 squats
-write 1 sentence
-meditate for 1 minute

Motion feels like progress. Action is progress.

Question 16

It’s not who you think you are or who you want to be. You are what you do consistently.

Question 17

Never quit on the uphill.

Distraction and anxiety can work together.

Your urge to do something else can arrive conveniently when you have to do real work. Make a rule for yourself to not quit when you’ve just hit a point of resistance.

Question 18

Living the lives we want not only requires doing the right things but also necessitates NOT doing the things we know we’ll regret.

Question 19

Every moment of your life you make decisions that make your life better or worse. Being conscious of this helps you make better decisions.

Question 20

When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

Question 21

1) How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?

2) What is being said that you are not hearing, or that is not being heard?

Question 22

Stick to the plan, embrace the suck, and do the work. The results will follow.

Question 23

Perhaps “great’, is just “good”, but repeatable. Greatness is not instantaneous. Moreover, being “great” is not about being better than someone else. It is about being dependable and disciplined. Greatness is earned.

Question 24

The only way to become excellent is to be endlessly fascinated by doing the same thing over and over. You have to fall in love with boredom.

Question 25

Two of the greatest enemies of a well lived life: fear and failure. You’ll never conquer the weaknesses for good - the only glory to be had would in the quality of the struggle.

Question 26

Act like the person you aspire to be.

Not only because that’s actually how you become that person; but because that will make you naturally surround yourself with other people who’ve decided to act this way too.

Question 27

Choose your dopamine hits wisely.

Question 28

The universe is conspiring behind your back to make you a success. The sooner you accept this, the better.

Question 29

The more control you have over your attention, the more control you have over your future.

Question 30

Look for some small positive action to push yourself into a positive feedback loop instead of a negative one.

Doing just one positive action can give you the momentum to do another positive action which will create a positive feedback loop.

Question 31

• Do great work, create value, & good things will happen
• Spend as much time as possible on things that give you energy
• Work at the intersection of things you enjoy doing, things you’re good at & things that other people want

Question 32

How to live a happy life:
-get outside each day
-move: walk, exercise, dance
-spend less than you earn
-view life as play
-be the one who looks for solutions
-develop a bias to contribute and create
-learn from the lucky and successful
-be the first to say hello
-be reliable

Question 33

“You are only entitled to the action, never to its fruits”

Question 34

Yes, I’m going to be afraid. Yes, I’m going to feel uncertain. Yes, I’m going to feel tired. I don’t deny this.

Even if I were amazing at whatever job I had, I would still feel these things.

And I can’t run away from these feelings. Because the cost of me running away from feelings is longer term consquences that aren’t too far on the horizon. Prolonged unemployment, separating from Bella…these aren’t hypotheticals.

Be kind to myself, but also be honest. The time for coasting is over, that’s ok - I just need to learn to find joy in the process.

Question 35

Discipline is remembering what you want.

Question 36

Your most persistent distractions will seem justified to you.

Question 37

“Failure is inevitable, what matters is how you handle it, not how you avoid it.”

Question 38

Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life.

Question 39

Attitude precedes outcome.

We want solutions, but what we really need are attitudes.

You don’t need abs, but rather an attitude of training.

You don’t need a fancy job title, but rather demonstrable skills that people find valuable.

Question 40

Think of the destination as a destiny. I will get there.

Now be grateful for where I am. Maybe it’s a 4 of 10. Be grateful for the 4. Enjoy progressing from 4 to a 5. Be excited that the 10 is coming, it’s inevitable.

We can’t be grateful and anxious at the same time.

Question 41

Life is not just about what you do, it’s more about how you do it.

Question 42

Every little action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

Question 43

The ultimate simplicity comes from conquering complexities, not ignoring them.

Question 44

Service is the technical delivery of the product.

Hospitality is how the delivery of that product makes its recipient feel.

Question 45

Keys to being a great partner in a marriage. Act in a way that’s worthy of admiration (do the right thing, even if its hard). Keep your promises. Have solid values at your core. Demonstrate good judgement.

Question 46

People hate you when you tell them how to feel….but especially as parents, we are often unaware when we are telling people how to feel. Honor your kids’ feelings, even if you don’t agree with them.

Question 47

Sometimes you need to achieve the thing you think you want, the thing society says you should chase, before you can tap into the wisdom and confidence to be more self-directed.

Question 48

Earn your way, every day.

Question 49

“Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.”

Question 50

High achievers attach dopamine to the effort process, not the result.

Question 51

Self-confidence is built by keeping the promises you make to yourself.

Question 52

“Successful outcomes are never the result of a single choice. They are built up through good choices over time.

Question 53

Treat a man as he is, and he remains as he is, treat a man as he can and should be, and he will become as he can and should be.

Question 54

“In order to improve your writing, you have to practice just like any other sport. But don’t be dutiful and make it into a blind routine. “Yes, I have written an hour today and I wrote an hour yesterday and an hour the day before.” Don’t just put in your time. That is not enough. You have to make great effort. Be willing to put your whole life on the line when you sit down for writing practice.”

Question 55

The journey to greatness begins the moment our preferences for comfort and certainty are overruled by a greater purpose that requires challenge and contribution.

Question 56

In time, I realized that the satisfaction of success doesn’t come from achieving your goals, but from struggling well.

Question 57

To be a valuable teammate at work is to create output that benefits others tremendously and that is done efficiently and with high quality…Team members must be able to hold each other accountable consistently.

Question 58

“Satisfaction is always available. It is just not always looked for. If, when you enter any experience, you enter with curiosity, respect and interest you will emerge enriched and satisfied”

Question 59

Some form of suffering is always inevitable. The process of taking action is the process of choosing your pain.

Question 60

Be the standard and others will raise their standards.

Question 61

It takes muscle to do hard things, and muscle gets built by doing hard things.

The best people look at every challenge as an opportunity to build muscle.

Question 62

“Self-esteem is just the reputation that you have with yourself. You’ll always know.”

What gives me self esteem: trying hard, staying focused, making space to think deeply, overcoming the urge to get distracted.

Question 63

Any form of stress that prompts discomfort has the potential to expand our capacity—physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually—so long as it is followed by adequate recovery.

Question 64

Sometimes it’s more important to stay connected with people than to be right. (re: politics, relationship fights, etc…)

Question 65

“Improvement is a battle that must be fought anew each day….your next workout doesn’t care how strong your last one was.”

Question 66

Reframing work…instead of “I have to X”…I get to X….“I get to restain this door, which needed it anyway. And I like to sand things, sanding is fun. I like to paint things, painting is fun.”

Question 67

If you only exercise when you “feel like it” you’ll never get anywhere……same applies with work….have to show up everyday.

Question 68

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit….and stepping up to take ownership and responsibility of their situation

Question 69

most of my personal failures in tech came during periods where i thought i needed to do it myself (vs enabling teams) and/or wanted to show others i was smart (vs being more egoless)

Question 70

We bail on ideas that we lack high conviction for. So, internalize the importance of a project before starting it. Internalize the importance by looking at the outcomes you care about when pursuing a project:

Some outcomes I care about myself:
- Self-education
- Adventure: collecting experiences
- Exercising talent: being skilled and creative
- Human connection: getting closer w/ others

Question 71

Some of you are wasting your lives. Get up, walk out the door, and go do something. Your time is running out. Nobody else can save you. It may be terrifying, but rise up and live the life you’ve always wanted.

Question 72

Distractions impede us from making progress toward the life we envision.

Question 73

Once you have your basic needs met relationships are the only things that matter. which is unfortunate, because relationships are much more difficult than real estate.

Question 74

Ask - will how I act next help to improve my relationship with this person? Then act accordingly.

Question 75

“Maintain a margin of safety—even when it’s going well. Rich people go bankrupt chasing even more wealth. Fit people get injured chasing personal records.”

Question 76

We are geniuses at coming up with reasons to avoid change. We make excuses. We rationalize. We harbor beliefs that trigger all manner of denial and resistance. As a result, we continually fail at becoming the person we want to be.

Question 77

If I keep doing what I am about to do today for the next five years, will I end up with more of what I want or less of what I want?

Question 78

If I can make a difference doing something, I become passionate about it. No difference, no passion.

Question 79

It’s not the failed outcome that paralyzes us. It’s the possibility of looking stupid, feeling humiliated that prevents us from getting started at all. The first step to being courageous is being willing to look foolish.

Question 80

When avoiding painful truths becomes a way of life, we eventually suffer the consequences.

Question 81

No evil seeks me out. Behavior puts me in it’s path.

Question 82

In the past, I have acted like the rouletista….spinning the barrel of the gun, risking (and maybe even subconsciously hoping) I get caught, pushing my luck…for no god damn reason!

Fuck that. No more taking known unnecessary risks.

Question 83

“Your mind is a suggestion engine. Every thought you have is a suggestion, not an order.

Rather than immediately react, make time to pause and remember what you’re focused on.

Because if you pause, you can discover new suggestions. For example, that you will feel good once the work is done or that you have the ability to finish things even when you don’t feel like it.

Question 84

Motivation often comes after starting, not before….action produces momentum.

Question 85

Every time you make the hard, correct decision you become a bit more courageous and every time you make the easy, wrong decision you become a bit more cowardly.

Question 86

If our self-worth is low, it affects everything we do.

The point of life is to contribute to others, but without a certain self-regard, it is sometimes difficult to make breakfast.

Question 87

“The events of your past are fixed. The meaning of your past is not. Assign a more useful meaning to your past and it becomes easier to take a more useful action in the present.”

Question 88

“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state, but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task.”

Question 89

One of the biggest keys to success at anything hard is believing that you can figure it out as you go along.

A lot of people won’t start until they figure it out. And because most hard things can’t be figured out in advance, they never start.

Question 90

The Comfort Zone is supposed to keep your life safe, but what it really does is keep your life small

Question 91

“Society is becoming accustomed to delaying gratification less and less, which means the payoff of delaying gratification grows more and more.”

Question 92

​​​​It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose.

Question 93

“Different meanings can be assigned to the same events….Look for evidence of how the world is encouraging you, and you will find it, Look for evidence of how the world is burdening you, and you will find it….Choose an explanation that empowers you.”

Question 94

“I really believe humans are mostly magic and that we are all just unfinished magic and we’re more likely to be the fullest extent of our magic if other people see us that way first.

And I’ve learned that when I see people for their potential and their possibilities, that they seem to live up to that more quickly than when they interact with others….

The upside of believing in people is so high and, not but, and some will let us down. And the frequency that I’m let down is so low compared to the frequency that I’m proven right.

Question 95

Asking for feedback creates a critic. Asking for advice creates a partner.

Question 96

“In many cases, improvement is not about doing more things right, but about doing less things wrong.

Don’t look for things to add. Look for things to eliminate.”

Question 97

“It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking, than to think your way into a new way of acting”

Question 98

“Friendship happens on the way to something else….If you “try to meet new people” it feels weird and forced. But if you aim to learn or achieve something with others, friendship happens naturally during the shared pursuit.”

Question 99

“The more you create, the more powerful you become.

The more you consume, the more powerful others become.”

Question 100

“it is our choices that tell who we are, far more than our ability”

so when I try to dismiss someone from a perceived lack of ability, can I respect/learn from their choices?

Question 101

“The secret to being productive is to work on the right thing—even if it’s at a slow pace.”

Question 102

“The life which men praise and regard as successful is but one kind.” Be conscious to choose a life that I want, not what I think others want.

Question 103

“There’s a lot of “potential you” locked in your genetic code.

If you put yourself in a new situation then that situational stress unlocks those genes and builds new parts of you.

The bigger the challenge that you have to rise to, the more of “you” needs to get turned on to face it.

You are the potential composite of all your ancestral wisdom, but that’s not going to come out unless you stress/challenge yourself”

Question 104

My god there is just a tidal wave of unnecessary bullshit to check in on.

but focused, single track thought is good. remember, deep down, this is what I crave and need more of, and I bet I’ll start to thrive if I get more of it.

make space to pause and step away from the tidal wave. it doesn’t take much, but the pause won’t happen unless I consciously make space for it.

Question 105

The course of action that could provide greater happiness, meaning, or satisfaction in the long run may not make you happy in the next 30 minutes.

Question 106

“Being pleasant and having a good attitude is a simple way to become luckier. Opportunities come through people, and people are more likely to bring opportunities to people they like. It’s hard to win if your attitude adds friction to every interpersonal experience.”

Question 107

The only way to have n times the impact is to empower n people.

It’s a journey that all leaders much go through - learning to think for yourself and sharing what you know in the best and most impactful way possible.

Question 108

Most gutting feedback I ever received came from my wife years ago:

“Work gets the best version of you…way too often we bring the best of ourselves to work and the leftovers home.”

Question 109

“Life rarely changes in a positive way without an increase in responsibility.

That can mean taking ownership of your health or committing to a relationship. Whatever it is, if you want the trajectory to change, the amount of responsibility usually has to change.”

Question 110

Winners and losers have the same goals. For example, every Olympian wants to win a gold medal. It’s the winners’ systems that help them achieve success and get results.

Question 111

Rather than restricting you, discipline creates opportunity.

Question 112

“Are you willing to be uncomfortable for 5 minutes?

Exercising is easier once you’ve started the workout.

Many rewards in life will elude you if you’re not willing to be a little uncomfortable at first.”

Question 113

“There is no formula for success—you just begin and then you continue.”

Question 114

You can’t punish people into growth.

You can’t punish children into growth.

You can’t punish yourself into growth.

Question 115

No one “builds a house.” They lay one brick again and again and again and the end result is a house. A remarkable, glorious achievement is just what a long series of unremarkable, unglorious tasks looks like from far away.

Question 116

Look for thin slices of joy.

Notice the joyful moments in your day, however small, however fleeting. Notice how good it feels to have that first sip of coffee, etc…

These thin slices of joy only last a few seconds but they add up! The more you notice joy, the more you will experience joy in your life.

Question 117

“Many situations in life are similar to going on a hike: the view changes once you start walking.”

Question 118

Founders are unstoppable, irrepressable forces of nature.

Question 119

A change in your own life can change the course of the world.

Question 120

Sometimes it’s more important to stay connected with people than to be right. (re: politics, relationship fights, etc…)

Question 121

After coaching a lot of very successful people, here’s an unsexy truth: a lot of success is learning to grind when it’s boring.

Staying engaged, working, and seeing it through when it’s “boring” is a skill.

If you expect all building to be exciting, you’ll never make it.

Question 122

Define yourself by your effort, not your suffering.

Question 123

“I read once that the true mark of a pro — at anything — is that he understands, loves, and is good at even the drudgery of his profession.”

Question 124

High levels of dopamine achieved without effort will destroy you.

Instead put effort in front of pleasure and respect the oscillating systems of pursuit and relaxation, you can completely change the trajectory of your life.

Question 125

“The hard way is rarely harder in terms of daily effort, but it is often harder psychologically. It requires:

• thinking long-term
• removing limiting beliefs
• avoiding the lure of approval
• trusting that small things will lead to big things

It’s a mental battle.”

Question 126

The amount to maintain muscle mass is less than you’d expect, but the amount that it takes to grow is usually much further down the volume spectrum than people expect. What happens is - most people are stuck in between maintaining and working enough for growth. Above the amount to maintain, but not enough to adapt….meaning, they’re wasting effort - doing more work than is necessary to stay the same. So know what you want, and then adjust your effort accordingly.

Question 127

“Keep ignoring feedback and life will keep teaching you the same lesson.”

Question 128

The question is not, “Do you want to be great at this?”

The question is, “What are you willing to give up in order to be great at this?

Question 129

Small actions lead to big changes over time. Focus on the systems more than the goals.

Question 130

The final and most important lesson to overcome self-sabotage is to learn to disconnect action from feeling.

We are not held back in life because we are incapable of making change.

We are held back because we don’t feel like making change, and so we don’t.

Question 131

Without deliberately taking on stress, your actions will never be more than reactions.

Question 132

“On the ground, a rock is just a rock.

But when moving at high speed through the atmosphere, a rock becomes a meteor—alive with fire and burning bright.”

Need to fight to move forward vs sit or spin in place. I’m often tempted to spin in place and trick myself into thinking I’m moving forward