To my 9 year old self Flashcards
1
Q
The Joy and Innocence of Childhood
A
- “To My Nine-Year-Old Self” is a dramatic monologue in which the speaker, now an adult, nostalgically watches her younger self. Though the speaker intimately understands the young girl she addresses, and though they share the same past, the speaker realizes by the end of the poem that she no longer possesses the innocent joys of childhood she once had. Indeed, the speaker realizes that she and her nine-year-old self are entirely different people.
- On the one hand, then, the poem suggests that with growing up comes a loss of the enthusiasm, curiosity, and fearlessness that so often define childhood. At the same time, however, the poem seems to suggest that acknowledging this reality can provide one with a sense of acceptance and allow one to move on from the past—that is, to grow up without any bitterness.
- Nevertheless, the speaker moves on in a state of acceptance rather than bitterness. At the end of the poem, she states that she will “leave [her past self],” not wanting to dampen the younger girl’s “ecstasy” with her own, more world-weary adult perspective. The poem thus ends on a poignant note, as growing up is associated with a loss of joyful innocence. However, the poem also suggests that people can find peace in simply appreciating one’s younger self and, ultimately, in letting that self go.
2
Q
You must forgive …
… height than anything.
A
- “To My Nine-Year-Old Self” is written in the form of a dramatic monologue delivered by an adult woman speaking to her nine-year-old self. The setting of the poem is metaphorical; the speaker is not literally traveling through time, but rather is envisioning talking to the girl she once was.
- The speaker begins with asking her younger self for “forgive[ness]” for intruding upon her. The speaker therefore recognizes that she is an unwanted adult presence in the mind of her younger self. Kids are often squirmy when under an adult’s gaze, so this response seems normal! And while the speaker recognizes her younger self, she is a stranger to this nine-year-old girl. The speaker therefore tells her younger self not to “look so surprised, / perplexed, and eager to be gone” as she wants to her younger self to remain and listen to her.
- The speaker then quickly establishes her intimate knowledge of her past self. She knows her past self might depart “balancing on [her] hands or on the tightrope.” This imagery in line 3 depicts the nine-year-old self’s character and personality as playful and fearless, as her younger self is unafraid of falling and potentially getting hurt. These difficult and strenuous acts of balance also imply that the nine-year-old’s body is fit, limber, and energetic.
2
Q
I have spoiled …
… a bruised foot.
A
- In line 6, the speaker states that she has “spoiled this body [they] once shared.” To “spoil” something is to ruin or destroy it. The speaker’s body has physically deteriorated. “Spoil” can also refer to indulgence (think of spoiling a child with sweets). The speaker is thus saying that she is the one responsible for this physical deterioration, and there is also the subtle implication that it has been through indulgence—perhaps food, drink, and so forth. Whereas the younger self can enjoy life without a care, the adult speaker must temper her indulgences; to spoil herself now has consequences. She is not as carefree and innocent as her younger self.
- The description of this “spoiled” body contrasts sharply with the preceding stanza, which established the limber, fit, and energetic qualities of the nine-year-old self’s body. Indeed, in lines 7-8, the speaker goes on to elaborate on the ways in which her body is now “spoiled.” She invites her younger self to “[l]ook at the scars, and watch the way [she] move[s].” The pause created by the comma here, an example of caesura, seemingly invites the nine-year-old self to take the time to look at those scars.
- Scars can also emotional trauma in addition to physical trauma. Therefore, the presence of “scars” imply the speaker’s emotional damage as well.
3
Q
Do you remember …
… the summer morning?
A
- The use of “we” here is new; before this the speaker referred to her younger self as “you” and her own self with “I.” Now, the use of the shared pronoun reflects a sort of unity between these two figures, as the adult speaker relives a happy childhood memory. Specifically, the speaker thinks about a morning routine that again points to her younger self’s fitness, fearlessness, and playfulness.
- The speaker wonders if her nine-year-old self remembers how they would, shortly after waking up, “jump straight out of the ground floor window.” The act of engaging in such a physical activity just “three minutes after waking” implies that the speaker’s younger self is full of energy and enthusiasm to take on the day. The enjambment at the end of lines 9 and 10 speeds up the reading of the lines, mirroring the speed and liveliness with which the younger self leaps out of the window
- The imagery of the younger self jumping out of a window in line 10 takes an unusual turn in line 11. Rather than jumping out of the window and onto the grass outside, the younger self jumps “into the summer morning.” Summer is a season that symbolizes new life, hope, and potential, while the morning is full of light and the promise of a new day. Therefore, a “summer morning” represents a combination of these factors—hope, youthfulness, liveliness, and potential. Jumping “into the summer morning” again reveals that the speaker’s younger self fully embraces the day, and has so much potential ahead of her.
4
Q
That dream we …
… sherbet lemons –
A
- The speaker refers to a particular “dream [they] had” without describing or explaining the details of this dream to the reader. The lack of explanation makes this reference inside knowledge between the speaker and her younger self. This increases a sense of camaraderie between the speaker and her nine-year-old self (though this camaraderie will be subverted in the following stanza).
- The dream is “fresh” in the younger girl’s mind because it’s much more recent for her. Using a simile, the speaker compares this freshness of the dream in her younger self’s mind to “the white paper to write it on.” This “white paper” is an image symbolizing innocence and youth, a blank slate. This dream, then, reflects the hope and potential embodied by the speaker’s younger self, who still has her whole life ahead of her. By describing the world of her youth with these words, the speaker creates an idealized vision of her childhood. The speaker goes on to say that they “made a start” on the dream before then admitting that they got distracted. The speaker begins to name several such distractions, such as “a baby vole, or a bag of sherbet lemons.”
- This is an unexpected and playful combination, reflecting the free-spirited, impromptu, and playful way of life of the younger self. A vole is a small rodent similar to a mouse, while “sherbet lemons” are a kind of hard candy. Thus even these distractions are innocent and sweet, further developing the innocence and sweetness of the speaker’s childhood. The em-dashes at the ends of line 14 and 15 also create starts and stops in the reading of the lines. These end-stopped lines mirror the distractions and interruptions that kept the speaker from completing her dream.
5
Q
and besides, that …
… by the cesspit.
A
- In lines 16-18 of “To My Nine-Year-Old Self,” the speaker continues to list the distractions that kept her younger self from completing their shared dream. The distractions the speaker describes further highlight her younger self’s playfulness, enthusiasm, fearlessness, and desire to live in the moment.
- In line 16, the speaker mentions a “summer of ambition.” This is the second mention of “summer” in connection with the speaker’s youth. As explained earlier, summer is a season that symbolizes innocence, new life, and hope. By so closely associating “summer” with her youth, the speaker also associates these qualities with her childhood.
- During this particular summer, the speaker’s younger self decided to “create[] an ice-lolly factory, a wasp trap / and a den by the cesspit.” The speaker’s younger self did not simply laze about. Rather, she decided to actively create and pursue various projects. The verb “create” therefore suggests empowerment and accordingly associates this quality of empowerment with the speaker’s younger self.
- This speed reflects the full engagement of the younger self in these distractions, which transform from interruptions to enriching experiences. The speaker does not view these distractions from her dream as anything negative. Neither does she view them with a sense of regret. The summer, after all, inspires “ambition” just as the aforementioned “dream” does. The speaker’s younger self does not have to follow any prescribed plan, and can instead go wherever her curiosity takes her. This contrasts with the adult speaker, who is saddled with adult responsibilities and considerations—and as such less able to seize the day in the same way.
6
Q
I’d like to …
… keep you then.
A
- In the beginning of the fourth stanza, the speaker concludes that the differences between her adult self and her nine-year-old self are vast. The speaker first declares that “[she’d] like to say that [they] could be friends,” implying that she looks upon her younger self with fondness and tenderness. The use of enjambment at the end of line 19 draws attention to the word “friends” by ending the line on that word, highlighting the speaker’s longing for camaraderie for her past self
- To “keep” another can mean to cause them to continue to be in a particular state. In this case, the speaker “keep[s]” her younger self standing before her. “Keep,” however, can also mean to possess. Therefore, the sentence also suggests that the speaker will let her younger self, and thus the past, go. The poem implies that acknowledging the differences between her past and present self will help the speaker move on without bitterness or regret.
7
Q
Time to pick …
… from that tree
A
- Now that the speaker has decided to leave, she encourages her younger self to continue with her various, playful activities. In line 22, the speaker says that it is “[t]ime to pick rosehips for tuppence a pound.” Rosehips are the fruit of the rose plant and often used as an herbal remedy to treat various ailments. The imagery of picking rosehips builds on the idyllic, pastoral qualities of the world the younger self inhabits.
- In line 23, the speaker suggests that it is “time to hide down scared lanes / from men in cars after girl-children.” The repetition of “time” in the beginning of lines 22 and 23, an example of anaphora, provides structure to the list of activities. Line 23 does not idealize the younger self’s world, instead making vivid the fears of childhood, such as strange men who might kidnap girls. The personification of “lanes” as “scared” emphasizes the power of the younger self’s fear, which affects even her physical surroundings.
8
Q
long buried in …
… us both –
A
- In line 27, the speaker realizes that the tree her younger self likes to swing from no longer exists. Indeed, the tree is “long buried in housing.” The enjambment at the end of line 26 emphasizes this in line 27, the tree itself seemingly swept under the next line.
- The act of burying is also notably associated with death. One buries creatures that are dead or things that are no longer of any use. Generally speaking, the act of burial is final; what is buried will never return. Therefore, the “tree,” an image that reflects the speaker’s childhood, can never return for the adult speaker. Indeed, the tree is “long buried,” and therefore long gone. The em dash at the end of the line allows for the speaker to pause, reflect, and mourn that fact.
9
Q
I leave you …
… on your tongue.
A
- In the last stanza of “To My Nine-Year-Old Self,” the speaker decides to “leave [her nine-year-old self] in an ecstasy of concentration.” To be in a state of “ecstasy” is to experience euphoria or overwhelming joy. Thus, the speaker’s younger self currently exists in this state of joy and happiness. Rather than wanting her younger self to suffer, the speaker decides to leave her younger self in peace and move on from the past.
- The nine-year-old self is “slowly peeling a ripe scab from [her] knee / to taste it on [her] tongue.” A scab also indicates that the younger self hurt her knee earlier. However, physically hurting herself does not make her more timid and cautious of pain. For example, the younger self “peel[s]” the scab despite the pain it might cause. The younger self remains fearless and, in fact, only becomes more curious about her body and its healing process. The younger self even goes so far as to “taste” the scab.
- As the adult speaker departs, she departs in a state of peace and filled with poignant nostalgia. She does not want to affect her younger self with her pain, anxieties, or fear. Rather, by acknowledging the differences between them, the speaker can move in on a state of acceptance.
10
Q
Scars
A
- Scars are marks left on the skin after an injury has healed. Scars can also be metaphorical in nature, such as mental scars from emotional trauma. In “To My Nine-Year-Old Self,” scars symbolize the adult speaker’s physical and emotional deterioration, as well as the younger self’s resilience and physical fitness.
- In the second stanza, the speaker uses imagery to show her younger self the “scars” on her body. These scars are proof of the way the speaker has “spoiled” or ruined her body. These scars, therefore, are an example of the vast difference between the adult speaker and her younger self, whose body is limber and fit. The speaker now moves “careful[ly]” because of the way her body has deteriorated. The speaker is more timid and fearful than she was when she was younger, suggesting she has been “scar[red]” by her experiences.
- In the last line, the speaker leaves her younger self joyously “peeling a ripe scab from [her] knee / to taste it on [her] tongue.” Scabs frequently leave scars behind. However, her younger self is unafraid of the pain “peeling [this] ripe scab” may cause. Instead, her younger self is filled with curiosity about the resilience of the body and fully embraces the moment of physical exploration. For her younger self, the scab does not cause her to move more “careful[ly]” and cautiously, but rather to live more fully in the moment.
11
Q
White paper
A
In stanza 3, the speaker, using a simile, compares the “fresh[ness]” of a dream in her younger self’s mind to “the white paper to write it on.” This “white paper” symbolizes innocence, youth, and potential. Readers can think of “white paper” as a kind of blank slate, something full of potential and promise because it does not have any marks on it yet. This blank slate may also be associated with youth and innocence, as a blank slate has not yet been tainted by anything; it remains pure, untouched. The speaker associates this innocence, youth, and hope with her nine-year-old self. Both are essentially blank slates, full of potential, unmarked by the trials of time. This contrasts with the speaker’s adult self, which has been scarred and “spoiled.”
12
Q
Summer
A
- Summer is a season of growth, warmth, and sunlight. Summer, therefore, is filled with positive emotional associations. As such, in “To My Nine-Year-Old Self,” summer symbolizes the speaker’s happy, idyllic childhood.
- In stanza 2, the speaker asks if her younger self remembers “how, three minutes after waking / [they’d] jump straight out of the ground floor window.” The physical act of jumping out a window after waking up suggests a fearless, enthusiastic, energetic, and playful attitude. However, rather than jumping out onto the grass outside, the speaker’s younger self jumps “into the summer morning.” The “jump,” therefore, transforms from a physical act to a metaphorical one. This jump reflects the younger self embracing and living fully in the moment of this “summer morning.” As summer is a time of warmth and happiness, the younger self is embracing this joy.
- In stanza 3, the speaker refers to a “summer of ambition” she once experienced. Although that particular summer distracted her from her “dream,” the speaker “created an ice-lolly factory, a wasp trap / and a den by the cesspit” during that summer. Thus, that summer was still productive and fun. The speaker’s various creations represent her inventiveness, free-spirit, fearlessness, and curiosity. The summer, therefore, symbolizes a period of creativity and free-time during the speaker’s childhood and, consequently, evokes a sense of nostalgia in the adult speaker.
13
Q
The Rope swing
A
The rope swing mentioned in lines 25-27 represents the joy and exuberance of the speaker’s past, while the “housing” above it symbolizes the inevitable passage of time. The fact that the swing and tree it was once attached to have “long” been “buried in housing” in the present day thus represents how time—and, thus, growing up—eventually buries the freedom and wonder of childhood. The use of the word “buried” is particularly interesting. The line might mean that the tree has been cut down and its wood used to build a house, or that a house now stands where the tree once did. Either way, the word implies that these remnants of the speaker’s childhood are dead. That is, the speaker’s childhood is over and done with, and can never come back.
14
Q
Form
A
- “To My Nine-Year-Old Self” is made up of six stanzas of varying lengths. is not written using any particular meter, rhyme scheme, or traditional form, however. Rather, the poem is structured as a dramatic monologue composed in free verse. The general lack of structure resonates with the free-spirited nature of the speaker’s nine-year-old self.
- The stanza length pattern is related to the content of the poem. In the first to third stanza (which build in length from five, to six, to seven lines), the speaker attempts to connect with her younger self and reminisces about their shared past. The increasing stanza lengths reflect the adult speaker trying to journey deeper into her childhood world.
15
Q
Meter
A
“To My Nine-Year-Old Self” is written in free verse, meaning it does not have any particular meter. The lack of meter suits the form of the poem, which is framed as a dramatic monologue delivered by a speaker to her nine-year-old self. As a dramatic monologue, the language of the poem mimics the natural patterns of everyday speech. Moreover, the lack of structure and rigid metric patterns resonates with the free-spirited and playful nature of the speaker’s younger self.
