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The Coaching Habit > The Coaching Habit Takeaways > Flashcards

The Coaching Habit Takeaways Flashcards

1
Q

What are the Three Vicious Circles a coaching habit will help you break with your employees?

A

Creating overdependence, Getting overwhelmed and Becoming disconnected

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2
Q

When we ask a question, the next thing we should do is __________?

A

Be quiet and wait for the answer

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3
Q

What are the five disciplines, and the associated practices, required to ask a great question?

A
  1. No Intro, 5 Words, Shut up.
  2. No fake questions / advice with a question mark. Instead, try using “out of curiosity”.
    Stop mining to lead them to your answer.
  3. “Cain it” Leave quiet after the question to allow time for them to formulate the answer.
  4. No Bobbleheading. No Planning. Go Caving. Let the “light” of your question illuminate the answer. It can be slow and awkward.
  5. Don’t stop with one answer. AWE. Is there anything else?
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4
Q

What are three situations which can make a conversation boring and / or superficial?

A
  1. The small talk tango
  2. The ossified agenda
  3. The default diagnosis
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5
Q

What is the “small talk tango?”

A

Wasting valuable coaching time talking about generic topics like sports and the weather.

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6
Q

What is the “ossified agenda?”

A

Same time, same place, same people, same agenda…

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7
Q

What is the “default diagnosis?”

A

There’s no question or conversation about the issue because you and / or they think you know what the issue is. This can feel comfortable but ultimately lead to nowhere.

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8
Q

Why does the “kickstart question”, What’s on your mind? work so well as a conversation starter?

A

You’re showing them trust and granting them autonomy to choose the topic for themselves. They can decide what’s important to them.

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9
Q

What is the 3P model, and when is it used?

A

It’s used after the “kickstart question”.

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10
Q

What are the two types of coaching?

A

Coaching for performance and Coaching for development.

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11
Q

What is the purpose of the 3P model?

A

To deepen focus. Choosing what to focus on in the coaching conversation, make the conversation more robust and / or shift the conversation to the more powerful level for development.

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12
Q

What is coaching for performance?

A

Coaching for performance is about addressing and fixing a specific problem or challenge.

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13
Q

What is coaching for development?

A

Coaching for development is about turning the focus from the issue to the person dealing with the issue.

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14
Q

What are the 3 P’s in the 3P model?

A

Projects, People and Patterns. (patterns of behavior / ways of working which you’d like to change}

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15
Q

Which of the 3 P’s in the 3P’s model should you always start with?

A

Projects. You can then decide if there’s any benefit in including one or both of the other P’s.

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16
Q

Suggestion for using the 3Ps.

A

Start with “What’s on your mind”, and then say; The (thing your working on}. So there are three different facets we could look at, the project side, the people side and patterns.

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17
Q

If you HAVE to have a lead in phrase to your question, it should be _____?

A

Out of curiosity, _______________

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18
Q

What are the three reasons the AWE question is so impactful?

A
  1. More options can lead to better decisions
  2. You rein yourself in
  3. You buy yourself time
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19
Q

The first answer someone gives you _________

A

Is almost never the only answer, and it’s rarely the best answer.

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20
Q

Why do we like to give advice?

A

If usually feels more comfortable than the ambiguity of asking a question.

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21
Q

What is the “Advice Monster?”

A

Our natural tendency to find the answer, offering ideas and give suggestions.

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22
Q

What’s a great question for getting to the “heart” of an issue?

A

What’s the real challenge here for you?

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23
Q

What is “the best coaching question in the world?”

A

And what else? This question prompts “deliberate reconsideration”, which is good because the first answer often isn’t the best answer.

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24
Q

What are “fake” questions?

A

“Advice with a question mark attached. ex. Have you thought of?, What about?, Did you consider?……

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25
Q

What is “The presenting challenge?”

A

The challenge at hand which the coachee is laying out for you.

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26
Q

Why is it critical for the coach to resist answering “The presenting challenge?”

A

Because the presenting challenge is rarely the actual problem.

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27
Q

What three problems can occur is the coach answers the coachee’s presenting challenge, instead of getting to the actual problem?

A
  1. You work on the wrong problem
  2. You do the work your team should be doing
  3. The work doesn’t get done
28
Q

What are Foggy-fiers?

A

Patterns that keep things vague when you’re trying to bring the challenge into focus.

29
Q

What are the three most common Foggy-fiers?

A
  1. Proliferation of challenges
  2. Coaching the ghost
  3. Abstractions and generalizations
30
Q

What is the “proliferation of challenges” foggy-fier?

A

You as “what’s on your mind?” and the person lists numerous challenges

31
Q

What is the “coaching the ghost” foggy-fier?

A

You ask “what’s on your mind? and the coachee begins discussing someone else. This leads to gossiping, not coaching.

32
Q

What are abstractions and generalizations foggy-fiers?

A

An often interesting conversation about a topic near / around the coaching topic that’s vague.

33
Q

To make a question more development oriented than performance oriented try adding _______ at the end?

A

“for you”

34
Q

Which question is designed to create a “learning moment” for the coachee at the end of the meeting?

A

What was most useful here for you?

35
Q

What is the “five whys” process?

A

A process to work backward through a story to find a root cause of a recurring problem.

36
Q

What are two good reasons NOT to ask “why” in a focused conversation?

A
  1. You can put the coachee on the defensive
  2. YOU’RE trying to solve the problem and coaching is about getting the coachee “unstuck” so they solve their own problem.
37
Q

In a focused conversation, instead of asking the coachee why, reframe the question by starting it with ____?

A

WHAT. ex. Instead of Why did you do that?, try What were you hoping for here?

38
Q

Why do we ask the coachee, What do you want?

A

We have all learned to hide what we really want under layers of rhetoric. We also let ourselves get distracted by less important hopes.

39
Q

What is one of the biggest illusions in conversations?

A

That both parties to the conversation know what the other party wants.

40
Q

What is the difference between wants and needs?

A

Wants are the tactical outcomes we’d like from a situation. Needs go deeper. They are the more human drivers.

41
Q

What are the nine self explanatory universal needs?

A
  1. Affection
  2. Creation
  3. Recreation
  4. Freedom
  5. Idenity
  6. Understanding
  7. Participation
  8. Protection
  9. Subsistence
42
Q

According to Evan Gordon, what is the fundamental organizing principle of the brain?

A

The risk and reward response. Five times per second your brain is scanning the environment and asking, Is it safe here or is it dangerous? The brain can only operate in the more sophisticated levels when it feels safe.

43
Q

What are the four primary drivers which allow us to influence others’ brains so that situations are read as safe and rewarding?

A

TERA:
T: Tribe. Are you with me or against me?
E: Expectation. What’s going to happen next?
R: Rank. Are you more or less important than me?
A: Autonomy. Do I get a say?

44
Q

What is the “Miracle Question” offered by solution based therapy?

A

Suppose that tonight a miracle happens. When you get up, how will you know that things have suddenly gotten better?

45
Q

When you ask a question, silence is often a measure of ______?

A

Success. They’re thinking and it may take the coachee a moment or two to formulate their answer. Bite your tongue! Don’t fill the silence!

46
Q

What is a problem with helping someone in coaching? Especially taking over?

A

Unintentionally you “one up” yourself by raising your status and lowering theirs. When you “thrust” help on someone they can have several negative reactions: resistance, frustration, annoyance and disempowerment. Coaching is about helping them get themselves “unstuck.”

47
Q

What are the three roles in the Karpman Drama Triangle?

A
  1. Victim: It’s not my fault, it’s theirs.
  2. Persecutor: I’m surrounded by idiots!
  3. Rescuer: It’s my fault / responsibility, not yours.

They aren’t descriptions of who we are, they’re how we’re behaving in a given situation.

48
Q

What are the two main benefits of asking the Lazy Question, How Can I Help?

A
  1. It forces the coachee to make a direct and clear request.
  2. It stops you from thinking you know how best to help and leaping into action.
49
Q

What is the more direct version of How Can I Help?

A

What do you want from me?

50
Q

What is the most important consideration when asking What Do You Want From Me?

A

TONE! The tone will determine how this question “lands.”

51
Q

What are a few phrases which can soften, What Do You Want From Me?

A
  1. Out of curiosity
  2. Just so I know
  3. To help me better understand
  4. To make sure that I’m clear
52
Q

Saying NO is a common source of anxiety for coaches. How can you rephrase NO differently?

A

I can’t do that…..but I could ________.

53
Q

What can a coach say if the coachee directly asks for their advice / opinion?

A

I have some ideas I will share with you but before I do, what are your thoughts? Follow that with, What else could you do? If you still need to keep them going try This is good, is there anything else you could try?

54
Q

What’s the difference between good work and great work?

A

Good work is the everyday work we do to keep the business going. Great work is the work with more meaning and impact.

55
Q

If we don’t want to say no, we can say ___ more ____/

A

YES more SLOWLY.

56
Q

What are some questions you can ask to “say yes more slowly?”

A
  1. Why are you asking me?
  2. Who else have you asked?
  3. When you say this is urgent, what do you mean?
  4. According to what standard does this need to be completed and by when?
  5. If I could only do part of this, which part would you have me do?
57
Q

What does it mean to create a “third point” when saying no?

A

You create an object that you’re saying no to, instead of the person. “Say yes to the person but no to the task.”

58
Q

What are the five strategy questions which scale from the individual level to the organizational level?

A
  1. What is your winning aspiration?
  2. Where will we play?
  3. How will we win?
  4. What capabilities must be in place?
  5. What management systems are required?
59
Q

In strategy conversations, what is “The question behind the question?”

A

What will you say no to, if you’re truly saying yes to this?

60
Q

The “strategy question” helps us avoid which two biases?

A
  1. The Planning Fallacy. We’re lousy at estimating how much time something will take.
  2. The Prospect Theory. Loss aversion. Loss and gain are not measured equally.
61
Q

In coaching, what is call and response?

A

Acknowledge the person’s question before launching into the next question.

62
Q

People actually learn when they have a chance to _____?

A

Recall and reflect on what just happened.

63
Q

First loop vs second loop learning.

A

In the first loop we try to fix the problem. In the second loop we try to create a “learning moment.” As coaches we have to create the space for the learning moment.

64
Q

What question drives the “learning moment?”

A

What was most useful for you?

65
Q

What is the OBT in a coaching conversation?

A

The One Big Thing, that’s worth remembering. The one or two takeaways.

66
Q

Which two questions make up the “coaching bookends?”

A
  1. What’s on your mind?

2. What was most useful for you about this conversation?

67
Q

What is the “Peak-End Rule?”

A

When evaluating an experience, we are disproportionately influenced by the peak or trough of the experience and the ending moments. Finish on a high note!

The Coaching Habit (2 decks)

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