The Charisma Myth

Question 1

What are the 3 elements of charisma?

Answer 1

Presence, power, and warmth.

Question 2

3 tips for instant charisma

Answer 2

1) lower the intonation of your voice at the end of sentences, 2) reduce how quickly and often you nod, and 3) pause for 2 full seconds before you speak.

Question 3

Being seen as powerful means…

Answer 3

being perceived as able to affect the world around us

Question 4

Warmth tells us…

Answer 4

whether or not people will want to use whatever power they have in our favor. Conveyed through body language and behavior.

Question 5

How can you make charismatic behaviors and body language to come out automatically?

Answer 5

By controlling your internal state/mindset.

Question 6

What are the 2 main obstacles to presence, power and warmth?

Answer 6

Physical discomfort and mental discomfort. Try to prevent them, fix them, or explain them to the other party.

Question 7

What can you do to reduce anxiety by uncertainty?

Answer 7

A responsibility transfer. Take a deep breath and imagine you transfer the responsibility that’s making your anxious to God, the Universe or some other bigger entity that you believe in.

Question 8

What are the 3 steps to handle a difficult experience?

Answer 8

Destigmatize discomfort (understanding your discomfort is normal and millions are feeling it right now), neutralize negativity (stop assuming your thoughts are an accurate perception of reality), and rewrite reality (interpret the situation in a way that is favorable to you).

Question 9

What will allow you to become a master at charisma, and how do you do it?

Answer 9

Being ok with discomfort. To do this, delve into situations that make you uncomfortable.

Question 10

What is one way to get into a charismatic mental state?

Answer 10

Visualization! Go over your interaction is as much sensory detail as possible.

Question 11

What are the 3 kinds of warmth?

Answer 11

1) Warmth towards life itself and your life in particular, 2) warmth toward others, and 3) warmth for yourself?

Question 12

How do you develop warmth towards life itself and your life?

Answer 12

Think about the small details and things that are present, such as the sun, the wind, the trees. Think about your funeral in detail, in 3rd person POV.

Question 13

How do you develop warmth towards others?

Answer 13

1) imagine them with angel wings, 2) try to feel goodwill, then empathy, and then compassion for them, and 3) imagine their past (child experiences), their present (how are they feeling right now?), and if needed, imagine this is their last day alive.

Question 14

How do you develop warmth for yourself (self compassion)?

Answer 14

First, realizing that we’re experiencing difficulties. Second, responding with kindness and understanding toward ourselves when we suffering or feel inadequate. Third, realizing that whatever we’re going through is commonly experienced by all human beings.

Question 15

What is the difference between thinking something is unfair vs something being unfortunate?

Answer 15

Thinking that what happened to you is unfair is self-pity; thinking that what happened to you is unfortunate is self compassion.

Question 16

What are the 4 kinds of charisma?

Answer 16

focus, visionary, kindness, and authority.

Question 17

Focus Charisma, how do people feel, how to develop it and when to use it?

Answer 17

It’s made of presence and confidence. People feel as if you are paying a lot of attention and absorbing everything they say. It’s noticed via demeanor. You develop it with good listening skills and presence techniques. Use it when you need people to open up and share information. You risk displaying too little power.

Question 18

Visionary Charisma, how do people feel, how to develop it and when to use it?

Answer 18

It’s made of belief and confidence. People feel inspired. It’s noticed via demeanor. You develop it by learning how to craft a bold vision and deliver it charismatically (your message) and by being on a state of complete conviction. Use it when you want to inspire people.

Question 19

Kindness Charisma, how do people feel, how to develop it and when to use it?

Answer 19

It’s based on warmth and confidence. It’s noticed via body language, especially the eyes. You develop it via a mindset of practicing accessing warmth, and avoiding negative body language. Use it to create an emotional bond that makes people feel safe and comfortable, avoid it when you need authority. You risk seeming overeager to please if you have no power, and people might get overly attached.

Question 20

Authoritative Charisma, how do people feel, how to develop it and when to use it?

Answer 20

It’s made of status and confidence; you will seem powerful but no necessarily be liked. It’s noticed via the perception of power (indicators: body language, appearance, title, reaction of others and CLOTHING). To develop it, project power with signs of status and confidence, visualizations and warmups, and take space with your posture, reduce nonverbal resistance (nodding) and no fidgeting. Once you have it you will be listened to and obeyed. Avoid it in social settings.

Question 21

How do you pick the right charisma style?

Answer 21

Based on your personality, goals and situation.

Question 22

What is the golden rule?

Answer 22

People like people who are like them.

Question 23

How do you break the ice?

Answer 23

Offer a compliment about something the person is wearing, follow-up with an open ended question such as “what’s the story behind it”?

Question 24

How can you make yourself even more relatable?

Answer 24

Adjust your choice of words, breadth and depth of vocabulary, and expressions to suit your audience. Also, focus on their fields of interest and use stories or metaphors from those domains.

Question 25

What is the best way to break a conversation?

Answer 25

Offer the other person information, a connection, visibility or recognition.

Question 26

What are the 3 ways to communicate presence while listening?

Answer 26

Attentive listening, refraining from interrupting, and deliberate pausing.

Question 27

What are the steps of the answer sequence?

Answer 27

1) they finish their sentence, 2) your face absorbs, 3) your face reacts, 4) then, and only then, you answer.

Question 28

How to take a compliment?

Answer 28

1) stop, 2) absorb the compliment, enjoy it if you can, 3) let it show in your face, show that they’ve had an impact, 4) thank them.

Question 29

When speaking, how can you deliver high value?

Answer 29

Entertainment (make the interaction enjoyable), information (interesting content), good feelings (make them feel important or good about themselves).

Question 30

Your voice is key when communicating…

Answer 30

warmth and power.

Question 31

What are the 3 elements of vocal power?

Answer 31

Pitch and tone (the lower and more resonant = more impact), volume (modulate and aim to fit needs), and tempo (slow and measured, with frequent pauses conveys confidence).

Question 32

What is the one thing you need in order to project more warmth in your voice?

Answer 32

SMILE ;)

Question 33

When does the nonverbal amplify the verbal?

Answer 33

When they are in congruence.

Question 34

What is emotional contagion?

Answer 34

The process by which emotions expressed by one individual are “caught” by another.

Question 35

What is mirroring, and what is it useful for?

Answer 35

It’s imitating someone’s body language. It’s good to establish trust and rapport.

Question 36

How do you lead people’s body language?

Answer 36

First mirror their current body language, and then slowly lead it in the direction you want.

Question 37

How do I break someone from a negative or aggressive posture?

Answer 37

Don’t mirror, this will escalate the tension. First hand them something, while he’s distracted, give him new information or changing the subject and mirror his current posture.

Question 38

What is the main way that charisma masters make you feel like you’re the most important person in the room?

Answer 38

Their eyes. Try to keep eye contact with people for 3 seconds at the end of the interaction.

Question 39

How do you avoid lack of eye contact.

Answer 39

First, make eye contact and delve into your emotions to understand if it’s shyness or distraction. If it’s shyness, dedramatize the discomfort. If it’s distraction, use the Charismatic Eyes technique.

Question 40

How do you become the big gorilla?

Answer 40

Take as much space in the room as you can.

Question 41

What are the characteristics of the regal posture?

Answer 41

Also known as poise. Very few movements, stillness. No fidgeting and now verbal fillers (umms). These last 2 come from wanting to convey reassurance, either through empathy or insecurity.

Question 42

How do you increase poise?

Answer 42

Stop nodding excessively; one is fine. Stop excessive verbal reassurance; once and deliberately is ok. Stop fidgeting. Also, lower or chin a little or you might come off as too arrogant.

Question 43

When should you nod and verbally reassure someone?

Answer 43

When in general, they need to be reassured.

Question 44

How should you convince and open up a GROUP of difficult people?

Answer 44

Divide and conquer. Unless you’re on stage, focus on each person individually, using different types of charisma as you need.

Question 45

What is the Ben Franklin effect and what is the best way to use it?

Answer 45

Asking someone a favor instead of doing something for them to be liked. The best way is to ask for something that does not imply any cost for them, such as their opinion.

Question 46

What is more powerful than the BF Effect?

Answer 46

Call upon the benefits of rationalization on something they’ve already done for you. 1) Remind them of help they’ve given you in the past, 2) express appreciation and gratitude, 3) highlight the choice they made and the effort they put in, 4) in case they put their reputation on the line, play that up.

Question 47

How should you express appreciation?

Answer 47

By being both personal and specific.

Question 48

What should you do in high stress situations?

Answer 48

Tap into empathy (angel wings, etc). Stay calm. If everything else fails, rewrite reality and think that their parents just died.

Question 49

How should you deliver bad news?

Answer 49

1) make sure the setting is comfortable and there’s objects to fidget with. 2) Tap into warmth, empathy, concern and care. 3) Access compassion. 4) Put yourself in their shoes, and imagine both of you with angel wings working towards a common goal. 5) focus on compassionate phrases, 6) convey empathy in your facial expressions, tone and words. Show concern and understanding.

Question 50

What are the 4 main elements of delivering criticism?

Answer 50

1) Think about timing and location, also the person’s stress and fatigue. Provide the criticism ASAP after witnessing the behavior you want to change. 2) Get into a mindset of compassion and empathy. 3) Decide what points you want to make BE VERY SPECIFIC. 4) Depersonalize, help them understand you are criticizing the behavior, not the person.

Question 51

What are the specific steps for a critical delivery?

Answer 51

1) Start with a positive note to open them up, 2) tell them exactly what you want to see, instead of what you don’t want, 3) depersonalize the behavior and avoid making them feel “wrong”, 4) stay attentive to negative signs (use positive mental associations and open body language), 5) end on a positive note and focus on next steps, appreciation, and the positive future.

Question 52

How to apologize?

Answer 52

First, get into the right mental state and forgive yourself. Then hear them out, don’t interrupt. Focus all of your attention on figuring out what is the exact complaint. Have a mindset of “help me understand how you see things”. Once you fully understand and are sure you’re at fault, a true-blue apology is the best.

Question 53

What should you think of then sending an email or calling on the phone?

Answer 53

The timing, the setting, and the situation the person might be in.