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Theatre II > The Body > Flashcards

The Body Flashcards

1
Q

Thaddeus walks over, start of play

A

How’s it going?

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2
Q

SHHHH!

A

What . . . what’s wrong?

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3
Q

Nothing’s wrong. What could possibly be wrong? Did somebody say something was wrong?

A

No. I just took an educated guess. Are you ok?

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4
Q

No, something’s wrong.

A

What?

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5
Q

We . . . is anyone else here?

A

Do you see anyone? (gesture around)

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6
Q

No.

A

Then by deductive reasoning, I’d say we’re alone. What’s the matter with you?

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7
Q

I’m having a slight problem with the interrogation.

A

I knew it! (bang fist) Is that little weasel refusing to talk?

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8
Q

Well, yes and no.

A

What do you mean “yes and no”? Did he talk or not?

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9
Q

Well, I got him to confess, told him that if he testified against Gianelli we’d cut him a deal, he agreed, then . . .

A

Did he sign the confession?

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10
Q

Yes and no.

A

Again with yes and no? Did he sign it or not?! (grab confession) He only signed his first name.

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11
Q

I know that.

A

He didn’t sign his last name.

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12
Q

I know that too.

A

Why didn’t he sign his last name?

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13
Q

He can’t.

A

He can’t or he won’t?

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14
Q

He can’t.

A

He can’t? (disbelief)

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15
Q

He can’t!

A

Why not?

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16
Q

He’s dead.

A

What do you mean, “he’s dead”?

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17
Q

I mean, he’s dead.

A

What do you mean, “he’s dead”?! (stand up)

18
Q

I MEAN HE’S DEAD! He stopped breathing. He ceased to exist. (I sit back down)

A

(pinch nose bridge) Please tell me you’re making this up.

19
Q

I wish I was.

A

I can’t believe you killed our witness!

20
Q

I didn’t kill him! He just died.

A

No on “just dies”. (air quotes)

21
Q

Well, he did.

A

What happened?

22
Q

I’m not sure. We were talking, he agreed to everything . . . oh, then he asked me for a glass of water and I told him as soon as the confession was signed. He took the paper, started to sign it, grabbed his chest and bam! Keeled over. (pause) Maybe I should’ve given him the water first.

A

I really don’t think that would have made a whole lot of difference. (pause) This is bad, real bad.

23
Q

You figure that out all by yourself?

A

Hey, I wouldn’t be the smart-aleck if I were you, considering the fact that you’re the one who killed him!

24
Q

I DIDN’T KILL HIM!

A

Whatever. The point is, he’s dead. Ok, does anyone else know about this yet?

25
Q

No.

A

Good! Let’s try and keep it that way.

26
Q

Don’t you think someone might get a little suspicious after a week or two. I mean with the smell and everything . . .

A

Just until we can figure out what to do. (pause) The problem is no one, no let me rephrase that, no news person is going to believe that this wanted criminal just happened to die while in our custody. Not after all the statements we’ve made about how much we hate these guys. The department’s going to look real bad.

27
Q

Never mind the department, what about us? (phone rings) Oh, you don’t think it’s the captain, do you?

A

No. Our luck couldn’t be that bad. (pick up phone) Dawson. (pause) Hi, Captain. (cover mouthpiece) Yes, it could. (uncover) What can I do for you, Captain? (pause) It’s going as well as can be expected. (pause) Problems? I wouldn’t say there are any real problems. (pause) NO! I don’t think it would be a good idea to send in anyone else. (pause) Why not? It would, uh . . . (signal to Thaddeus for help)

28
Q

Uh . . . make him nervous.

A

Yeah, it would make him nervous.

29
Q

He’s used to just us.

A

Yeah, he’s used to just us. (pause) Oh, that’s Crawford. He’s watching the prisoner. He just came out to get him a . . . pick-me-up. See, the prisoner’s a little . . .

30
Q

Dead.

A

Dead . . . tired! (hit Thaddeus) Dead tired. (pause) Yes, sir. We’ll have that confession any minute now. We’re . . . just hammering out the last few details. (pause) Ok, I’ll call you the minute we have it. (hang up phone and put head in hands) We’re in trouble. (pause) Let me see that confession again. (grab confession) Ok, as I see it, all we have to do is get him to finish signing this. (gesture to confession)

31
Q

Is that all? What do you suggest? A seance, or should we wait until he’s reincarnated and have him sign it then? That’s assuming he doesn’t come back as a cow or something.

A

Just pay attention. He already signed his first name, all we have to do is sign his last. Simple.

32
Q

That’s forgery. It’s a crime.

A

Why? We’d only be signing his last name.

33
Q

So we’d only be committing a half crime. Great. That’s so much better.

A

You want these guys to walk?

34
Q

No.

A

We’re not making anything up. We need this and Martelli was signing it. We’re really not doing anything wrong.

35
Q

Then you sign it.

A

Forget it! That’s forgery!

36
Q

We’re getting fired.

A

No, wait! I just had a thought. Is he still holding the pen?

37
Q

I think so.

A

Great. Sit down. (Get up and grab folder, open it on desk) Look, here’s Martelli’s signature. He wrote his name with an M and a squiggle. (demonstrate) Just take his hand with the pen and have him make the M and squiggle. Then we wouldn’t be lying when we say he wrote it with his own hand. See, all legal. (snap folder shut)

38
Q

You’re really stretching with this one.

A

Our only other choice is to tell the Captain that we blew a two-year investigation and that our star witness is dead.

39
Q

Not a good alternative.

A

No, it’s not. When you’re done, we’ll take the confession to the Captain, suggest he talk to Martelli himself, we’ll all go in there and “discover” him. (air quotes)

40
Q

Won’t the department still be in trouble?

A

Possibly, but we won’t be.

41
Q

Good point. (pause) Ok, give me the folder. (I give Thaddeus the folder, he starts to leave, I sit down) I should’ve been an accountant. (he exits)

A

God I hate police work. (sigh and lean back)

Theatre II (1 decks)

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