the acid test Flashcards
start
you know ben, my boss, ben trevers
the ginger guy
yeah but he’s quite like… he’s not ginger in like a rupert grint-y way he is a hot ginger
dont exist
yeah they do like sean slater from eastenders and, and that guy that does the army and shouty stuff like damien lewet
lewis
what?
damien lewis
yeah he’s hot
get on with it
what
ben…
no well ben… I asked ben to take me to that dinner you know the one at the savoy
with the contract guy?
yeah, like there is this big dinner with everyone from work and the sister company which actually makes more money and they are looking for people to transfer so I want to go and I said to Ben would he take me. And ben was all like “so you’re asking me out” and I was like, I was like kind of “not really Mr Trevers” because I don’t know I was being a bit flirty and stuff
standard
and I don’t know what to do
sorry whats the problem
it’s like he’ll take me and stuff
good
yeah but like you know
god, you say “like” a lot
sorry it’s like… fuck, it’s lik… its a nervous thing
dana what’s the problem?
what?
will he not take you?
no he said he would if like, if, he might you know if like
what
you know go out with him
i thought you hd to go out with him to the dinner
no, like, like…
can you just say it?
oh it doesn’t matter
oh not this again
no it doesn’t matter
nope
yeah it doesn’t matter
“you must, must tell us”
no I won’t it’s embarrassing talk about something else
go on you’ve caught our interest
no it’s nothing just ben you know
no we don’t know
like he will take me and everything it’s just… you know
no what?
if i have sex with him
what?
if i have sex with him
What?
IF I HAVE SEX WITH HIM
fucking hell
no no it doesn’t matter
sit up
no it doesn’t matter
fucking report him
no you don’t understand and i want to go to this dinner
they’ve just done up the savoy
yeah i know, i looked on the website it looks amazing
have you both gone fucking mad
no you don’t understand i like him and he wasn’t like “you must have sex with me”
what was he like?
like you know like “oh so if you’re going to be my date it better be a proper date” and stuff
are you sure he meant you have to have sex he wasn’t just flirting
no like at first but then he was obviously so serious because he said “I want to see you before we go then, check we are compatible”. and he was saying he isn’t doing anything tonight and…
what a fucking creep
no he’s like really sexy and wasn’t doing it in a creepy way
he’s a freak
shut up you don’t understand, like Jess what do you think?
you go on instagram way too much
what shall I do?
i’m sorry about my dad
no he’s cool
he’s being fucking annoying i’m really sorry
no it’s cool i like him he’s funny
poor jim
yeah be a bit nicer to him Jess
what?
you are a bit
…… “aw bless look at the big overgrown baby”
oi chill out jess, you alright?
what?
your mum and everything
and you know that i’m a heartless bitch
kind of jess
i don’t hate him
oh whatever guys…
….. i threw up on him when I was a baby and that’s what started it?
what, he was mean to you when you were younger
sorry my dad didn’t fuck me
oh jess
you can’t say my feelings don’t count because my dad wasn’t a smack head or something
aw poor jim
….. my understanding friends who are so sympathetic towards my feelings
your feelings don’t count because you’re drunk
what a fucking tragedy
oh fuck’s sake shut up you two jesus you both are so like highly strung, like i dunno just calm down we can order some chinese or like just have another drink
ah that’s always the answer
do you want to piss everyone off?
