Shirley V Flashcards
Y’Know ….4 lines
Y’know, if I said to him… If I said I was off to Greece for a fortnight, he’d think it was for the sex. WOULDN’T HE WALL? Well… two women, on their own going’ to Greece. Well , it’s obvious isn’t it?
I wouldn’t mind…
I wouldn’t mind - I’m not even particularly fond of it - sex - am I Wall? I’m not . I think sex is a bit like Sainsbury’s - y’know, overrated. It’s just a lot of pushin’ and shovin’ and y’still come out with very little in the end.
‘Course …
Course it would’ve been different if I’d been born into the next generation, our Millandra’s generation. ‘Cos it’s different for them, isn’t it? They discovered it, y’see, the clitoris. The Clitoris Kids I call them. AND GOOD LUCK TO THEM. I DON’T BEGRUDGE THEM ANYTHIN’.
But…Younger
But you see when I was younger, I’d never heard of of this thing the clitoris. In those days it was just a case of in out in out shake it all about, stars’d light up the sky an’ the earth would tremble. The only thing that trembled for me was the bloody headboard on the bed.
But … discovered.
But y’see the clitoris hadn’t been discovered then had it? I mean obviously, it was always there, like penicillin an America. IT WAS THERE BUT IT’S NOT REALLY THERE UNTIL IT’S BEEN DISCOVERED IS IT? Maybe I should have married Christopher Columbus! Ha!
I was about….
I was about 38 when I first read all about it, the clitoris. It was dead interesting. Apparently it was all Freud’s fault. Y’know Sigmund. You see, what happened was, Freud had said that there were two ways for a woman to have erm… an orgasm. An..’erm the main one could only happen by having the muscles inside stimulated. And the other erm orgasm was supposed to be like an inferior second rate one was caused by the little clitoris. Now y’see that that’s what Freud had said. And everyone had to belive him. Well you would wouldn’t you. I mean Sigmund Freud , who’s gonna argue with Sigmund Freud?
I mean say…
I mean say you’re just - just standing at the bus stop, you and Sigmund Freud. The bus comes along and you say to him, ‘Does this bus go to Fazakerley?’ He nods and says to you , ‘ Ya dis ist die Bus dat goes to Fazakerley.’ Well you’d get on the bus wouldn’t you. But I tell y’what - you’d be bloody lucky if y’ever reached Fazakerley. Because there’s only one bus that goes to Fazakerley. THE CLITORIS BUS. The other bus doesn’t go anywhere near Fazakerley.
But y’see
But y’see, everyone believed him and they’ve been giving out wrong information for years. It’s marvellous isn’t it - telling people there’s two kinds of orgasm. It’s like telling people there are two mount Everests - some people stumble on to the real mountain while the rest of us are all running up this little hillock and wondering why the view is not so good when they get to the top.
Well, when I first read about all this…..
Well, when I first read about all this i was fascinated, WASN’T I WALL. But y’know when you read a word for the first time and you’ve never heard it spoken, you can get it wrong can’t y’. Y’know pronounce it wrong.
Like when I was little…
Like when I was little there was this kid in our street called Gooey, Honest Gooey. His mother used to shout, @gooey Y’tea’s ready, Gooey. come on in Gooey’’ Well y’see she’d been reading this American magazine and she saw the name G.U.Y. Guy. But she thought it was pronounced Gooey. So that’s what she christened him. Gooey McFadden, he was called.
Well it was the same for me
Well it was the same for me with the word clitoris. When I first read the word I thought it was pronounced clitoris. I still think it sounds nicer that way actually…. ‘Clitoris’ I think it sounds like a posh name, ‘Oh hi-ya Clitoris how are y’. Oh really Clitoris. Listen Clitoris wait till I tell yeh…(thinks) ….. Oh shut up wall . I think it sounds nice. Why not? There’s plenty of men walking around called Dick.
Well anyway…
Well anyway that’s how I thought it was pronounced when I first mentioned it to Joe. We were sitting in the front room and I said ‘Joey, Joe, have you ever heard about the clitoris?’ He didn’t even look up from his paper ‘Yeh he said’ but it doesn’t go hals as fast as the Ford Cortina.
