scene 2 Flashcards
opening line
Prince Louis, I know you had a great time in your Gap Year on the Raleigh Challenge – but did you have to insist that we walk all the way home now that you’ve finished at University?
Don’t be such a wimp Jacques!
JACQUES
Unfortunately, I don’t get to travel as lightly as you. Can we have a rest? (they sit down for a rest, Jacques gets out a drink, the Prince takes it …) Are you looking forward to getting home again Prince Louis?
PRINCE
Yes. Except that I will now be expected to settle down to my responsibilities - and of course, find my self a wife
I bet that Countess Cruella is still very interested!
COUNTESS
Prince Louis! We meet again
Wow! now that IS scary
PRINCE Married?!
Did I miss something? Like - the stag night?!
Audition segment
JACQUES
So why didn’t you mention it?
PRINCE
Mention what?
JACQUES The wedding
PRINCE
There IS NO WEDDING!
JACQUES
So what was ‘Moaning Myrtle’ whining on about?
PRINCE
I’ve no idea – but she’s gone now, thank goodness.
JACQUES
But don’t you think it was a bit spooky – the way she just suddenly appeared like that? You’re
the intelligent one – how do you explain that?
PRINCE
University doesn’t teach you stuff like that. I learned how to do lots of other important things…. like …. drink!
JACQUES
(holds head) oooh, don’t remind me!
PRINCE
How to dance (does a few moves)
JACQUES
So that’s what you call it! …. but did you learn anything that could perhaps justify the expense of your higher education?
PRINCE
I learned that the sun revolves around the earth … or is it the moon? … or something…
JACQUES
Oh bravo! Money well spent – student loan, overdraft, tuition fees – worth every penny!
connector between audition segment and bums segment
PRINCE
Jacques! I’m only joking! I learned a lot. We had a good time though, didn’t we? Still, it’s
good to be back - I’ve really missed this old forest – the sights, the sounds, the smells …. JACQUES
…. the wild animals … the wolves …. the bears … (he looks around, nervously) PRINCE
Don’t be such a scaredy-cat, Jacques! I’ve spent many a happy hour in this grand old forest
JACQUES
Well, I don’t like wild animals, so if you don’t mind, we’ll get a move on now – before the
grand old forest sneaks up on us and bites us on the backside
bum section
PRINCE
Jacques, this is a family show – you can’t say ‘backside’
JACQUES
This script is licensed for amateur theatre by NODA Ltd to whom all enquiries should be made. www.noda.org.uk E-mail: info@noda.org.uk
Can’t I? PRINCE No JACQUES Oh. What about ‘bottom’? PRINCE What about ‘bottom’? JACQUES Can I say ‘bottom’? PRINCE No, no, you can’t say ‘bottom’ JACQUES ‘Bum’? PRINCE I beg your pardon? JACQUES ‘Bum’, can I say ‘bum’? PRINCE Oh no, you certainly can’t say ‘bum’ JACQUES So bum’s out PRINCE ‘Bum’ is most definitely out JACQUES Aah, so basically, ‘backside’, ‘bottom’ and ‘bum’ – they’re all out? PRINCE ‘Backside’, ‘bottom’, ‘bum’ – all out JACQUES Fine! Well I won’t be saying any of them, then PRINCE Neither will I. ..... I’ve lost track, where were we? JACQUES I know! We were trying to get out of this wild and scary forest, before something wild and scary bites us on the ... er .... leg
hiding behind tree
PRINCE
Someone’s coming! Quick, hide behind this tree
JACQUES
This script is licensed for amateur theatre by NODA Ltd to whom all enquiries should be made. www.noda.org.uk E-mail: info@noda.org.uk
22
May I ask why? 23 PRINCE ... sounds like girls ... it would be a wheeze to jump out and surprise them JACQUES Not much about maturity on the syllabus, then? PRINCE What? ..... of course not! Come on!
