Relationships/Marriage Flashcards
What are the biblical grounds for divorce?
Empathy: That’s a heavy question and so I can I ask if there’s a specific reason your asking?
Either way, I’m happy to answer that.
Bible: So here’s what we know from God’s word. First, divorce is not God’s best for anyone. It’s clear, God loves marriage…there is no other relationship on earth that is meant to reflect the way Jesus loves His people like the way a husband loves his wife. And Godd made it in the first place. He’s the one that brought Adam and Eve together, and the Bible says He united them. The two became one. When it says that, it gives us this picture of marriage being kind of like if you were to glue two pieces of paper together, would you ever be able to separate them with no damage? Of course not. And for that reason, the Bible says that God hates divorce (Malachi 2). Not because He hates people who are divorced, but hates the damage that it does.
So nowhere does God ever require or instruct us to get divorced. Jesus said in Matthew 19 that God gave divorce as a “concession to our hard hearts”, it’s not His best for us. And then Jesus says that divorce is allowed on the grounds of “sexual immorality”.
The only other time divorce should even enter into the conversation is when an unbeliever abandons their spouse (1 Cor. 7:15)
Again, those are pretty specific and limited reasons because God’s best is for a couple is not to call it quits, but to build their lives and their marriage on Him and experience the blessing that marriage really is.
Back to them: So with all of that said, how do you hear that? If it’s a situation of physical abuse, let’s start with you getting you somewhere safe, because we know God also hates those who love violence (Psalm 11:5). But let’s start with that, get you safe, and see if there are steps towards healing and growth for one or both of you. (re|engage, marriage counselors)
What do I do if I no longer love (or am attracted to) my spouse?
Empathy: Can you tell me a little more about that? What do you mean by love?
…it sounds like there’s been some damage in the relationship…like it doesn’t feel like it used to be…would that be fair to say?
Bible: So here’s what we know from the Bible, that love is a choice, it is not a feeling. For example, how do we know that God love us? Well the Bible says that in Romans 5:8 “…God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God wasn’t obligated to do that for us, but chose to anyway. Sometimes I think we equate “love” with feelings of “affection”. But I’m not sure Jesus felt affection when He was nailed to the cross. And yet, out of love, He still chose to die for those men just as much for you and me.
No, love is a choice. It’s something you choose to grow. That’s why the first fruit of the Spirit that’s listed for us is…love. It’s something you have to choose to grow and to nurture and protect.
Back to them: So if that’s really the case, what do you think you could start doing to grow in your love for your spouse? Is it spending more intentional time with them. Or like we talk about around here all the time, it’s God that’s brought you together, are there some things that you two could together to grow closer to God? Reading the Bible…praying together every night.
What does the Bible say about gay marriage?
Empathy: I can imagine you’re asking me that because this probably hits you or someone you love personally…would that be true? Could I ask What have you’ve heard?
Bible: The challenge is that a lot of people have used the Bible to beat people over the head about this one. They’ve used the Bible to really hit people hard, haven’t they? So what you’ve heard, it sure is in the Bible. Genesis 2 has God bringing Adam and Eve, a man and a woman, together for the first marriage. And Jesus refers to this too and quotes it in Matthew 19 saying “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother, and the two will be united into one. And then Jesus adds: “Let no man divide what God has put together.” Ultimately, God’s made it, so He’s the one that defines that term.
And I bet you’ve heard all of that before, and that doesn’t make it any easier to hear, does it? But the reality is that’s not the whole picture. In fact, the way some people talk about this, they make it sound like this is the worst sin and there’s no hope.
But did you know Paul says in 1 Cor. 6:9-10 that “…that wrongdoers won’t inherit the kingdom of God”…then he makes a list of them: “the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers…” I’ll level with you, that list includes everyone, doesn’t it? I’ve been a few of those in my life. But again, that’s not the whole picture…that’s not the whole story. Cause he goes on in the next verse and says “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were made justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
Connect/Next Steps: Whatever it is, our sin, doesn’t have to define us. It doesn’t have to be who were are. That because of Jesus, we can all be forgiven of anything we’ve done. But then we have to do what Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery. He says “To go and sin no more.”
Is it good or bad for Christians to date?
Empathy: Tell me a little bit more about what’s going…what makes you ask that question? (active listening)
Bible: Here’s what Jesus tells us in Matthew 22:37, that most important things we can do is to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. If we do that and put Him first, then that will determine ALL of our other decisions for any area of life. Whether with friendships, family, and even dating.
So, can you love God while dating? Sure. But that would mean the things that matter to Him, will matter to you. So that makes me think about two things.
1) 2 Corinthians 6 tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. That doesn’t mean we should have nothing to do them…how else do we share Jesus with them? It does mean that we don’t link our lives up in very close and intimate way with people who aren’t running after Jesus…otherwise, they’ll pull away from him.
2) 1 Corinthians 6 tells us really clearly that we should “flee from sexual immorality”. That means, it’s like fire, don’t play with it and don’t get near it in the first place. So, can you put some really clear boundaries in your relationship, maybe even with the help of some friends, to come nowhere near that? Cause you’re dating to honor God…to see who you’re going to marry one day…and you wouldn’t want to sin in that relationship and then ask God to bless it…?
Your steps/Connect:
Connect/Your Steps:
Same-sex couple
Can we serve?
Be in a small group?
Empathy: So asking that question, seems like you might have some thoughts already about what our church might say. Would you mind if I asked you talk about that a little more? (lead towards, first, our stance on the issue)
What we know from the Bible: So with that said, I want to be clear that the answer to your question about serving or being in a small group would be the same answer we would give to a lot of other people. “Can you be here?” Absolutely. Every one of us, myself included, has fallen short of God’s standard and sinned. None of us are perfect. But I also know not everyone here is a Christian…some are searching…others haven’t put their faith in Jesus yet. For those people we wouldn’t have them in a small group or serving because none of that makes sense until they’ve trust Jesus as their Lord and Savior, put Him in charge of their lives. Here’s a picture of what that means in our conversation:
1 Cor. 6:9-10 says:
Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Which sounds harsh, but pretty much everyone here would make that list, wouldn’t we? So no discrimination there. But the next verse is what makes the difference. It says:
1 Cor. 6:11
And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
The reality is that we can’t actively hold on to what God has said is sin (and that was a long list) and claim the follow Jesus. They’re incompatible. In fact that’s the Bible says in 2 Cor. 6:14 “…What fellowship has light with darkness?”
Connect/Your Step: So to be clear, you, along with me, and every other person is welcome here because all of us are sinners in need of a savior. But when it comes to connecting deeper with this community, we have to hold to scripture, and all of us have to be willing to let go of our old lives and sins, actively fight against them, so that we can pick up that new life with Christ…before we go any further.
