Relationship Spectrum

Question 1

You are at a party and you
overhear your partner saying
nice things about you to their
friends.

Answer 1

Healthy

The way a partner talks to their friends can often tell us about their character. If they are supportive of you when talking with their friends, this is healthy.

Question 2

Your partner surprises you at
work. You tell them you can’t
have visitors when you are there
and they respect this.

Answer 2

Healthy

When we set boundaries or limits with a partner, respecting them means they respect us.

Question 3

You are late meeting your
partner. They shove you against
the wall and demand to know
where you were and why you are
late.

Answer 3

Unhealthy

Physical violence is always unhealthy. There is no excuse for this.

Question 4

Your partner continually tries to
get you to stay out later than
your parents allow. Sometimes
they tell you to lie in order to
stay out past curfew.

Answer 4

Unhealthy

Respecting family rules is really important. A partner that expects us to do what they say and disrespect our parents is not valuing your family or you.

Question 5

You stay after school for a club
meeting. Your partner gets very
angry with you and accuses you
of cheating on them because you
were not with them.

Answer 5

Unhealthy

If partners trust each other, there would not be accusations or suspicions of cheating. Without trust, a relationship cannot be healthy.

Question 6

Your partner says they will kill
themselves if you leave the
relationship.

Answer 6

Unhealthy

It is not a person’s responsibility to keep a partner alive. Threats or guilt trips take away an individual’s ability to make their own decisions, which is unhealthy. Connecting a suicidal partner to resources (like a school counselor, coach, school resource
office, crisis hotline) can be helpful, but it is not your responsibility if they use these resources or not.

Question 7

Your partner tells you they don’t
like your friends and that you
shouldn’t hang out with them
anymore.

Answer 7

Unhealthy

When partners spend all of their time together or one of the partners is isolated from their friends and family, this is a red flag or warning sign that this is not healthy.

Question 8

Your partner wants you to
change the way you dress and
who you sit with at lunch.

Answer 8

Unhealthy

In a healthy relationship, a partner would embrace and support your style and friends. When a partner tries to change things about us, this shows that they do not respect us.

Question 9

Your partner leaves you
somewhere and makes you walk
home after an argument to
“teach you a lesson”.

Answer 9

Unhealthy

When a partner puts us in an unsafe situation this is not ok. There is no justification for leaving someone without transportation home.

Question 10

You have been at a karate
tournament all weekend. When
you get back, you find a note
with a kind message in your
locker.

Answer 10

Healthy

Time spent apart is a really important part of healthy relationships. Having a partner support your involvement in sports, hobbies, or extracurricular activities is great!

Question 11

Your partner wants to meet your
family and cares about what they
have to say.

Answer 11

Healthy

Whenever a partner feels that they cannot be honest with their family about who they are dating, this is a red flag and can indicate a concern.

Question 12

Your partner calls you after
school just to see how your day
was.

Answer 12

Healthy

Checking in with each other can be a healthy part of relationships. Knowing that a partner cares about you and your wellbeing can feel amazing!

Question 13

You know that you can tell your
partner “No” even if they will be
disappointed.

Answer 13

Healthy

Maintaining boundaries by saying “no” is a really important yet really challenging thing. When we put our partner’s wants and needs above our own, that can be a red flag or warning sign that things are not ok.

Question 14

Your partner talks with you and
makes sure you both agree on
plans.

Answer 14

Healthy

Collaboration is such a vital part of communication. Balance between partners and equality in decision making makes a relationship healthy.

Question 15

You have become secretive,
ashamed, or hostile toward your
parents because of your dating
relationship.

Answer 15

Unhealthy

When we feel that we have to hide the truth about a partner, this is not ok. If the way we treat others or ourselves has changed, this is a warning sign that the relationship is unhealthy

Question 16

Your partner is helping you with
your homework and keeps
calling you stupid because you
have asked several questions
about the assignment.

Answer 16

Unhealthy

Name calling is emotionally abusive. Name calling is never part of a healthy relationship.

Question 17

Your partner always seems to
wait until you are with friends to
make fun of the way you look.
When you ask them to stop, they
tell you it was just a joke.

Answer 17

Unhealthy

This is an example of minimization, or downplaying the intensity or importance of a situation. If you do not like the way a partner is treating you, that is a big deal. A healthy partner would not laugh off your concerns.

Question 18

You are becoming afraid of your
partner because they are always
yelling at you and have
threatened to hit you.

Answer 18

Unhealthy

Fear is a warning sign that things are not ok and might be unsafe. Trust your gut feeling and reach out to an adult you trust.

Question 19

Your partner accuses you of
flirting when you talk to other
people in your class.

Answer 19

Unhealthy

Distrust and accusations are red flags of unhealthy relationships. This means there is not open communication and a balance
between partners.

Question 20

You have to give your partner a
detailed account of your day just
to please them.

Answer 20

Unhealthy

If there are things you want to share with a partner, you are welcome to do that. Also, we are allowed to have privacy in a relationship and can decide what things we would rather keep to ourselves.

Question 21

Your partner is angry at you and
drives the car in a dangerous
way when they take you home.

Answer 21

Unhealthy

When a partner disregards our safety, and their own safety in this case, this is unhealthy. This shows that the partner does not respect the person they are with.

Question 22

Your partner says things like “If

you love me you would just…”

Answer 22

Unhealthy

This is an example of manipulation, or using guilt or shame to change a person’s actions. Love is not about compelling someone to do what you want them to do.

Question 23

When you tell your partner you
are not interested in having sex
with them, they tell you they will
wait until you are ready.

Answer 23

Healthy

While sex can be a piece of some relationships, it is not a requirement. Having open conversations about sex is a really important part of healthy relationships.

Question 24

Your partner constantly texts you
during the school day and while
you are at work, even though
you have asked them not to.

Answer 24

Unhealthy

Question 25

Your partner constantly texts you
during the school day and while
you are at work, even though
you have asked them not to.

Answer 25

Unhealthy

When a partner does not uphold the boundaries or expectations we have set, this shows that they do not respect us.

Question 26

You find yourself apologizing to
others when your partner is
treating you in a mean way.

Answer 26

Unhealthy

If you are apologizing for a partner’s behavior, that is an indication that things are not ok. A partner’s actions are not your responsibility.