Quotes 2 Flashcards
A caution about the ppl you wrong today
Always remember that the toes you step on today may be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.
What’s then nuance about social media use?
There’s a fine line between social media and wasting your fucking life away
A dream for old age.. by Atticus
I aspire to be an old man, with an old wife, laughing at old jokes, from a wild youth
LA Gays in October
Halloween is the only thing that makes Weho gayer
Call out non accepting heteros
Youre so you’re homophobic you eat bananas sideways
What are States Rights really…
“States rights” is always code for taking away rights
Ppl & essential oils
People who think essential oils are essential by Bill Maher
Most important words in a relationship?
The three magic words in a relationship aren’t I love you but let it go by Bill Maher
Chinese saying about age
You are as old as your spine
Why should you ask questions?
He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever
Someone has a problem that can be paid out of
Problems that are solved with money aren’t problems
Quip about marketers
Marketing is too important to be left to the marketing department
Ironic quip on teamwork
Teamwork is an individual skill
Cutesy saying about engagement in team decisions
If you don’t weigh in you don’t buy in
What did einstein say about insanity?
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
What did George bernard shaw say about ‘miscommunications’
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place
WHat did Ghandi say about Christianity
I like your Christ. I don’t like your Christians
A perspective on whether gays should be… and who said it?
Biology enables. Culture forbids
What did Horowitz say about pianists?
There are three kinds of pianists: Jewish pianists, homosexual pianists, and bad pianists.
On being law abiding, or not
I live by morals, I don’t live by laws. Laws are made by assholes
Wisdom about accepting grief
Grief demands an answer but sometimes there isn’t one
Someone broke a promise because of x, y, z
The nature of promises is that they stay immune to change in circumstances
What’s wrong with common sense?
The only problem with common sense is that it is so common
On history repeating
History Doesn’t Repeat Itself, but It Often Rhymes
What’s a clever way to talk about mathematicians
Mathemologist
A joke about Monopoly
Is it wrong that only one company makes monopoly?
Skipping rocks shower thought
All of the best skipping rocks are in the middle of the lake
Ironic prayer for a non believer
Thank you god for making me an Atheist
On early stage of your career paying dividends
For the first ten years, you work for reputation. After, reputation works for you.
A vulgar vagina reference
Bearded axe wound
A joke about Groundhog day
They should announce a sequel to groundhog day, and release the same movie
Vulgar, sex-related retort to “what time is it”
It’s fuck o’clock
Cutesy condom slogan
Don’t be silly wrap that willy
How seriously to take board games?
If you’re not prepared to lose every friend you have over a board game, you’re not playing hard enough.
A reframing for someone that’s mumbling
Im not slurring my words, I’m talking cursive and its elegant
A gross wisdom about alternative sex when PMS
When the Red Rivers flowing, take the dirt road home
A pesimistic take on learning to love something over time
Growing to love something is simply slowly forgetting what you dislike about it
On starting things and then maintaining
There’s no such thing as planting a garden that doesn’t need weeding
On inner peace with what you’ve got
Being satisfied with what you already have is far more important than wanting more of what you have
A spin on forcing a solution to any problem
if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
A wise saying about travel effect on you vs stomach
Travel broadens the mind but loosens the bowels
Underatking an impossible task
Boil the ocean
An absurd example of the expectations once married
Before getting married, I didn’t know u could put a carton of milk in the fridge the wrong way
“It’ll never happen!”
There is a lot of time between now and never
On where opportunities come from
It’s not so much about finding opportunities as it is about creating them
What do Frienships require
Friendship is never established as an understood relation. It is a miracle which requires constant proofs. It is an exercise of the purest imagination and of the rarest faith!
Being single is a bummer cuz..
When you’re so single that you don’t have anyone to drunk text
Compatibiliy in relationships
Compatibility is an achievement of love not a precondition
A quip on finally getting w your dream
The disappointment of sleeping with your fantasy
Moist
Moister than an oyster
A wisdom about how hard peace is to accomplish
Peace is harder won than war
For someone wanting to take down capitalism
Someone once said that it is easier to imagine the end of the world than to imagine the end of capitalism
How should I think of my purpose in career
Try not to become a person of success but a person of value
Good intention..
Good intention isn’t good enough
A country is..
A country is not just what it does. It is also what it tolerated
Dont judge a book by its cover’ …
The only purpose for the cover of a book is so you can judge the book
On readyness for an opportunity
Opportunity doesn’t always come at an opportune time
A cheap person has..
Short arms and deep pockets
What’s the best spice?
Hunger is the best spice
Jews x smarts
Jewish love affair with the intellect
3pm is..
3 o’clock is too early and too late to do anything
Friendship is like…
Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth
Tell someone annoying & heated to shut up
Ok, calm down, take a deep breath…and hold it for about 20 minutes
Someone upset at my joke
It’s a joke, not a dick. don’t take it so hard.
My routine…
My daily routine: get up, be amazing, go to bed.
A sassy declining when asked to do something
It’s not on my Bucket List.
Asking for space with sarcasm
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
Sassy goodbye after a casual eve (dinner party)
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
A witty remark about someone stupid that likes to talk
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech
An old friend of mine
An old friend of mine, actually dead. As old as it gets really
Savings is…
Savings is just consumerism needlessly postponed
Revenge is..
Revenge is the best revenge
On applying too complex a solution for a problem
You dont hammer in a nail with a violin
Happy endings..
Happy endings are just stories that haven’t finished yet
Martyrs
Don’t pity the martyr, he likes his job
Luck is…
Luck is the residue of design
Why should you be arounded smart people
Chance favors the connected mind
Taxation is…
Taxation is always a form of theft
A cynic is..
cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing
Certainty is..
Certainty is the enemy of growth
What do we start to hate with middle age?
The hatred of mirrors that develops in middle age
Pros of settling down
It’s the chains we choose that set us free.
Culture vs strategy
Culture eats strategy for breakfast
A spin on not actually knowing GDP
Guess Domestic Product (context: the era of Coronavirus market uncertainty)
Vegetarians aren’t…
Vegetarians aren’t animal lovers. They’re plant haters
A fork in the road…
When you come to a fork in the road, take it
Patriotism…
Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel
An analogy meaning that some things just take time
9 women can’t deliver a baby in 1 month (analogy for coding)
Reflect on the state of minority rights today (LGBT, women)
Gays want kids and women want rights. What’s going on with the world?
What did Ghandi say about revenge
An eye for an eye leaves for the whole world blind
The irony of what/when the young and old have
Youth is wasted on the young and wisdom is wasted on the old
A joke about microwaving 45 seconds
I microwave things for 44 not 45 seconds. For Obama
Why should you write things down?
Write things down! The shortest pencil is longer than the longest memory
A dramatic way to say the last recent bit of time has been rough
Its been a rough couple years these last 2 weeks
A witty remark about someone who doesn’t take orders
Your inability to follow a command is matched only by siri
Facts about men liking size
95% of men love big women. The other 5% like extra big women
Dramatic Yes, as Alice in Wonderland themed
Does the tin man have a sheet metal c***
A cheesy saying about living / breaths we take
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away
A saying about democracy vs violence
The reason we have ballots is so we don’t have to deal with bullets
On chasing happiness
Happiness is in the Pursuit, not the Possession
What forces run the world?
Love and hunger runs the world
On humans wanting to be drunk…
Humans are born with a blood alcohol .05% too low
A summary of baby > death
Birth is agony life is hard death is cruel
A russian saying about cheap healthcare
Лечиться даром это даром лечиться
Russian saying for the subtle shift from one extreme to another
От великова до смешного один шаг
What’s the french saying about obligations with privilege
Noblesse Oblige
Failure..
Failure is better than never trying at all
Describe something clumsy..
“….. that trombone slide of a sentence”
A fancy way of saying something is special among others
In this blizzard of . stands out
Why do people vote?
People don’t vote to say thank you. They vote to say fuck you
Motivational slap about procrastinating when you say “some day”
There are 7 days in the week. Some day is not one of them
A religiousy name for weed
The devil’s lettuce = weed
Why is it called “gross pay”
It’s called gross pay because it’s disgusting to see how much money youd make before taxes
What did Ghandi say about speaking up
Speak only if it improves upon silence
Feminism vs Lesbianism
Feminism is the theory. Lesbianism is the practice. Schwules museum
What’s a real apology?
Changed behavior is the only real apology
Russian sarcasm about being underpaid
Они делают вид что они нам платят а мы делаем вид что мы работаем
Should you wear ugly shoes?
Life is too short for ugly shoes
Drugs are…
Drugs = politically disfavored intoxicants
“What’s your perfect first date”
What’s your perfect first date? - January 1st!
Wisdom about buying cheap
Buy cheap, buy twice
On receiving gifts
Don’t look a gift horse in its mouth
Russian saying about goodie two shoes
Тот кто не курит и не пьёт то и здоровеньким помрёт
Russian saying about sober inefficiency
Без пол-литра не разобраться
Health issues resulting from poverty is a condiiton known as
Shit life syndrome - UK and US term for health issues based on ~poverty
Another way to describe 2 truths and a lie
2 truths and a lie = Humble brag. Humble brag. Opportunity for a lie
Religion is the… (Karl marx)
Religion is the opium of the people
What would an entitled American with self awareness say abroad
I suffer from American exceptionalism
A wit about liking ‘reality’
Reality is an acquired taste
What’s the price of love
Grief is the price we pay for love
“What’s your love language”
My love language is english
A socialist view on children
Children are future taxpayers
A twist on dual income
Two incomes r better than 1. That’s why my partner better have 2 jobs.
Russian joke on money bringing happiness
Счастье не в деньгах а в их количестве
What’s wrong with worrying
Worrying means you suffer twice
Why is Argentina different than the US?
Argentiva vs [US/UK/etc]: we’re different. You have jobs, we have more attractive people
What to tell new parents
Congrats on the baby. I hope you like it
Great minds think alike…
Great minds think alike but fools seldom differ
Should you use or protect your nice things?
Tools, not jewels
How to say yes, with a A weird naturey spin
does a duck w a stiffie drag weeds?
Douchey way to procrastinate
muscle shirt today but muscles tomorrow
Worrying is like..
Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere
Love is more than physical attraction (Antoine de Saint Exupery)
Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same direction
On how to handle people showing their true colors
When someone shows you who they are, believe them
Russian ‘when pigs fly’
Когда рак на горе свистнет
To those who say the future can’t be predicted
The future is easy to predict. Getting it right is the hard part
Russian saying to stop procrastinating
работа это не волк в лес не убежыт
For someone waiting to get lucky
The harder you work the luckier you get
Defend puns
Puns are the lowest form of humor when you don’t think of it first
Labels..
Labels serve us, they don’t define us
“How jewish are you?”
I’m not a practicing Jew. I’ve perfected it
It’s easier to maintain ownership
Possession is 9/10s the law
What’s Kombucha?
Kombucha is Gatorade for ppl who do yoga
Love at first sight..
Love at first sight is just desire
There are X europes
There are two Europe’s. Vodka and beer
What is an ‘opinion’
Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance
Marx cynic example of capitalism
Time was invented by clock companies to sell more clocks
Joke about heaven vs hell
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company
Defend gays with god’s pairs
God gave us 2 eyes 2 ears 2 arms but only 1 dick. Why? Cuz its up to us to find the missing pair
On my frequent ails
I don’t get sick. I stay sick
A much too snobby way to say don’t stay in school
Endless education can be a filibuster for the rest of life.
On happy go lucky privileged people..
A zest for life only someone with a generational wealth could possess
What did Buffet say about procrastination?
Don’t save sex for old age
On art’s lifecyle
Art is never finished. Only abandoned
On going to bed with hard news
We should always save pain for daylight
Preface for not wanting to explain something
For reasons that are too boring…
Deadlines…
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
On being lazy
“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”
Self deprecating dismissal of joining orgs
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
A pessisimist is…
“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”
If the grass is greener.. don’t fall for it
“If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.”
Prejudice…
“Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.”
