People Skills Flashcards
3 Categories of Roadblocks
Judging, Sending Solutions, Avoiding the Other’s Concerns
12 Roadblocks (Dirty Dozen)
criticizing, name calling, diagnosing, praising
order, threatening, excessive or inappropriate questioning, moralizing, advising
diverting, logical argument, reassuring
Hearing vs Listening
Definition by Professor John Drakeford
Hearing is a word used to describe the physiological sensory processes by which auditory sensations are received by the ears and transmitted to the brain;
Listening is more complex psychological procedure involving interpreting and understanding the significance of the sensory experience.
Listening Skill Clusters
Attending Skills, Following Skills, Reflecting Skills
Attending Skills
A posture of involvement
Appropriate Body motion
eye contact
nondistracting environment
Following Skills
door openers
minimal encourages
infrequent questions
attentive silence
Reflecting Skills
paraphrasing
reflecting feelings
reflecting meanings (Tying Feelings to Content)
Summative reflections
Posture of involvement
-Inclining one’s body toward the speaker communicates more energy attention
-Facing the other squarely, your right shoulder to the other’s left shoulder, helps communicate your involvement.
-Not sitting while the other is standing. Maintaining an open position with arms and legs uncrossed is another important part of the posture of involvement.
-Tightly crossed arms or legs often communicate closedness and defensiveness.
-Positioning yourself at an appropriate distance from the speaker is an important aspect of attending
too much distance impedes communication.
-Too close creates anxiety
long periods of distance or closeness can cause discomfort
-3ft is comfortable in USA
Appropriate body motion
stillness is seen as controlled, cold, aloof, and reserved
active (body motion not in a nervous way) is experienced as friendly, warm, casual, and as not acting in a role
synchronize with the speaker avoid distracting motions and gestures
Eye Contact
Effective eye contact expresses interest and a desire to listen it involves focusing one’s eyes softly on the speaker and occasionally shifting the gaze from his face to other parts of the body, to a gesturing hand, for example, and then back to the face and then to eye contact once again.
poor eye contact occurs when a listener repeatedly looks away from the speaker, stares at him constantly or blankly, or looks away as soon as the speaker looks at the listener.
enables the speaker to appraise your receptiveness to him and the speaker
Non-distracting enviroment
without significant physical barriers between people and one that is inviting rather than ugly increases communication
Physical Attention
presence psychologically by physically attending
be truly present
Door Openers
noncoercive invitation to talk
use instead of roadblocks
Four elements to Door openers
A description of the other person’s body language. “Your face is beaming today.” “ You look like you are not feeling up to par.”
An invitation to talk or to continue talking.
Silence-giving the other person time to decide whether to talk and/or what he wants to say.
attending-eye contact and a posture of involvement that demonstrates your interest in and concern for the other person.
Not all four elements are necessarily present in every door opener
A person sending door openers needs an awareness of and a respect for the other person’s probable feeling of ambivalence
one way to deal with ambivalence is to recognize and reflect back to the speaker how difficult it is to talk about painful experiences
another way to deal with ambivalence is to make sure your door opener is an invitation rather than a directive to talk.
First Decentralized Principle
+ example
When attacked, a decentralized organization tends to become even more open and decentralized
EXAMPLE: MGM (Verelli) suing Napster (Sean), Kazaa, emule
Apaches and Cortez (Spanish)
Second Decentralized Principle
+ example
It’s easy to mistake starfish for spiders
EXAMPLE: ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Bill Wilson)
Completely decentralized
LABOR DAY HURRICANE OF 1935 (Ed Sheeran)
Too centralized
Third Decentralized Principle
+ example
An open system doesn’t have central intelligence, the intelligence is spread throughout the system
Fourth Decentralized Principle
+ example
Open systems can easily mutate
EXAMPLE: AA mutating from alcoholics to overeaters to narcotics, etc.
Fifth Decentralized Principle
+ example
The decentralized organization sneaks up on you
EXAMPLE: people always saw doctors for alcoholism, then AA became very quickly accepted
The accordion principle
+ example
over time, industries go back and forth from being centralized to decentralized and back again
EXAMPLE: music industry - individual artists (decentralized) > independent labels > big 5 (centralized) > napster > p2p (decentralized)
Sixth Decentralized Principle
+ example
As industries become decentralized, overall profits decrease
EXAMPLE: P2P takes over music industry, record labels profits disappear
DIFFERENTIATING STARFISH FROM SPIDERS QUESTIONS
Is there a person in charge?
Are there headquarters?
If you thump it on the head, will it die?
Is there a clear division of roles?
If you take out a unit, is the org harmed?
Are knowledge & power concentrated or distributed?
Is the org flexible or rigid?
Can you count the employees or participants?
Are working groups funded by the org, or are they self-funding?
Do working groups communicate directly or through intermediaries?
Skype and how it affected phone companies
BEFORE SKYPE:
Phone companies could charge whatever they wanted because you had to use their lines to make a call, everything through operator
operator would check directory for person you’re trying to reach
AFTER SKYPE:
No central server, no operator, no telephone line, just download Skype and talk to people directly
each user hosted tiny portion of overall directory on their computer
profits of big phone companies like att declined
Craigslist decentralized concepts
Craigslist
Users run the site - users post, users flag inappropriate posts, user-controlled
Open system about the users, not the leadership
What matters isn’t CEO, but if leadership trusts enough to leave users alone
users don’t care whether they are interacting w/ spider or starfish, they are happy as long as they are free to do whatever they want
Craigslist has caused traditional newspaper profits to decline
Apache Software Decentralized concepts
Engineers could add their own patches, completely open source, if patches were good and improved user experience they would be added in
Wikipedia Decentralized Concepts
Online encyclopedia, anyone can edit, anyone can add content
if users vandalize pages, other users will clean it up, community-feel
Seventh Principle of Decentralized
Seventh Decentralized Principle
+ example
Put people into an open system and they’ll automatically want to contribute
EXAMPLE: Wikipedia
Burning Man Decentralized Concepts
almost no rules, wear a costume, ok, go naked, ok
based on a gift economy, nothing costs money
people provide things not because they expect anything, but because they want to contribute to the community
5 Legs of Decentralized Organizations
LEG ONE - CIRCLES LEG TWO - THE CATALYST LEG THREE - IDEOLOGY LEG FOUR - THE PREEXISTING NETWORK LEG FIVE - THE CHAMPION