Never split the difference - Chris Voss Flashcards
What is the name of the author of Never Split the Difference?
Chris Voss
What is the first thing Chris does when assessing a negotiation instance?
Pause, blink, mindfully lower heart rate
Robert Harris Mnookin is author of what text worth checking out for negotiating?
Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate and when to fight
According to Chris Voss do nerves prior to negotiation ever go away?
No
How am I supposed to do that?
Well known and powerful follow up
Well known and powerful follow up
How am I supposed to do that?
I’m sorry (name)____ how do I know_____
Solid syntax to deescelate
Solid syntax to deescelate beginning with apologetic
I’m sorry (name)____ how do I know_____
What is the most powerful tool Chris Voss cites in the first chapter
Open ended questions
Another name for open ended questions being used with precision
Calibrated questions
I ask the same 3 to 4 questions until the other person gets worn out
Chris Voss quote from Harvard negotiation class
Human beings are primarily animals following emotions
Ways that negotiation should be perceived
Behavioral Economics
Man is an irrational beast. Feeling is the form of thinking
It is self evident that people are neither fully rational or nor completely selfish and their taste is anything but stable
Cognitive Bias
Framing effect
People respond differently to the same choice depending on how its presented
People respond differently to the same choice depending on how its presented
Framing effect
Thinking fast and slow
Book worth checking out. Man has two mental systems the first is primarily emotional and is the primary one with which we make decisions
Getting to Yes
Worth reading but not the most up to date book
BATNA
Best alternative to a negotiated Agreement
Negotiating is
Not a rational process
Optimal negotiating
Focus on the irrational and emotional aspects
Universally applicable premise
People want to be understood and accepted
Tactical Empathy
Listening as an active aspect
Conflict is inevitable between two parties in all relationships
Reasons why negotiation is important and should be implemented in a relationship affirming way
Reasons why negotiation is important and should be implemented in a relationship affirming way
Conflict is inevitable between two parties in all relationships
How questions
A gentle way to say no
Assumptions blind
Hypothesis guide
Great negotiators aim to use the skills they have to find the surprises they KNOW exist
Have several hypotheses regarding a scenario
Smart people think they have nothing to discover
Great negotiators are open to all possibilities
Using teams to hear someone out
Listening well is hard
Overuse of personal pronouns
Indicator of lack of of importance
Try not to preoccupy yourself with your own arguments
Actively listen
How many things can the concious mind focus on simultaneously
7-8
Consume yourself in listening
Focus entirely on listening to the individual you are negotiating with. Mirror body language
Make your goal completely listening to your counterpart
Identify your counterparts needs. Get them talking about what they want
Start with listening, validate their emotions create enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin
Absolute necessities
Slow.It.Down.
Negotiations work better with time
Late night FM dj voice
Solid toolDeep soft slow and reassuring voice. The voice of calm and reason
Be the voice of calm and reason
Use body language vocal tone and empathy
Involuntary Telepathy
We are always signaling that which we are ready to do with our general emotional energy and context
Most powerful tool in vocal communication
Voice:3 types Fun and Playful (Use Mostly) Dj FM Dominant(Use Rarely)
Fun and playful voice
Relax and smile
Positive mindsets
Increases mental agility
Vocal Mirroring
Restating the last 3 words of the last sentence
Imitative Mirroring
Causes trust through similarity (You can trust me we are the same) we fear what’s different and love what’s similar
Mirroring vs. Positive Reinforcement
A study has shown that waiters who mirror make more money than those who render positive reinforcement
For a mirror to be effective you have to let it sit there and do its workv
It needs a bit of silence
How to deal with aggressive tactics
FM DJ voice Im sorry (name) (mirror) 4 seconds of silence
The relationship between an emotionally intelligent negotiator and their counterpart
Is essentially theraputic and resembles psych. Reflecting the synopsis to the counterpart so that they may change their behavior
Good negotiators identify and persuade emotion
For a good negotiator emotions are tools
It looks like…. it seems like….
labels that turn into open ended questions
Practices in Neuroresonance
Turn attention to someone talking near you or someone on tv. As they talk imagine that you are that person. Imagine yourself in that position and describe it as well as you possibly can
Address underlying emotions
Positive get amplified negatives negated
Top guys like to feel on top
They dont like to feel disrespected
Look I’m an asshole
Makes problems go away
Amygdala
Controls fear
Labeling fears
Bringing them to light rids them
Many people have layers of fears
Call out fears with “im sensing hesitation regarding _____”
Undercover presented emotion then underlying
People need to feel understood
List everything awful your counterpart could use against you
Accusation Audit
Negotiating after an argument
Counterpart is desperate for connection. Smile and you’re already an improvement
The first goal of mirroring, accusation audits and labeling, dj voice
Human connection
Empathy and acknowledgement of the other persons situation
Makes them more likely to speak
After you label a barrier or mirror a statement
Pause
Talk about the negatives first
Interrupt the Amygdala
Yes is often hiding other objections
Maybe is even worse. Good negotiators are happy to hear no
Jim Camp
Author of Start with No. People will fight to the death for their right to say no
Great negotiators seek no
Because they know it’s where the real discussion begins
What about this doesn’t work for you? What would you need to make it work? It seems like there’s something here that bothers you
Questions to follow up no with
3 kinds of yes
Counterfeit, confirmation and commitment
People are driven by two primary urges
To feel safe, secure to also feel in control
No makes people feel safe and in control
No is protection
Ask “is now a bad time to talk?”
Start with no
Do you want me to leave?
Solid get to no question
Swing for that’s right
Summarize
The moment you’ve convinced someone you truly understand their dreams and feelings
Real change becomes possible
Humans have an innate urge for socially constructive behavior
Getting to that’s right keeping this in mind to make real change
Antonio Demasio found
People with damage to the emotional parts of their brain have harder times making decisions
What is the F word
Fair
Let the other side anchor monetary info first
Let the other guy go first most times
Job applicants that offer a range get larger salaries
Expect them to come in on the low end
Define success for your position with a salary increase
Helps lead into next steps
Unwritten rule of Reciprocity
People always expect something back when they give you something whether or not they realize it
He who can disagree without being disagreeable
Has learned the greatest secret of negotiation
Engage them in a conversation where you summarize what’s going on then ask
How am I supposed to do that?
Calibrated questions avoid
Can, do are, is or does
Calibrated questions use
What and how. SOMETIMES why
To work of voice
Respectful
What is the biggest challenge you face?What about this is important to you? How can I help to make this better for us?How would you like me to proceed?What is it that brought us into this situation? How can we solve this problem?What’s the objective?What are we trying to accomplish here?
Solid calibrated questions
Solid calibrated questions
What is the biggest challenge you face?What about this is important to you? How can I help to make this better for us?How would you like me to proceed?What is it that brought us into this situation? How can we solve this problem?What’s the objective?What are we trying to accomplish here?
Without self control or emotional regulation
You can’t influence the emotions of another party
When you are verbally assaulted do not counter attack
Respond with calibrated question
The listener
Controls the conversation
Negotiators are decision architects
Dynamically and adaptically create elements of negotiations to get consent and execution
Yes is nothing without
How
How questions
Gentle ways to say no
How will we know if things are on tracks?
What will we do if things get off track
Make sure you’re taking all decision makers into consideration
It only takes one bit player to ruin a deal
Rephrase your calibrated questions to hit your triple affirmative
Hit your triple affirmative
Pinocchio Effect
Longer speaking can illustrate lying
Liars use
More 3rd person pronouns
Use your counterparts name in negotiation
But also use yours and have them use yours
No series 4x
1.How am I supposed to do that? 2.Your offer is very generous but I’m sorry that just doesn’t work for me? 3.The I’m sorry4. I’m sorry
How to become a rainmaker
Good negotiation book
Negotiating is about
Playing field beneath the word manipulating subsurface issues to craft a great deal. Yes is nothing without how
Asking how, knowing how, defining how
Parts of the effective negotiating
Asking how questions
Ask them repeatedly
Always identify
Players behind the table
Pay attention to
Tone and body language
Test Yes
With rules of 3
Begin haggling with
Rattling your counterpart subtly
Analyst
Type of negotiator not in a rush. Minimize mistakes “As much time as it takes to get it right” Hypersensitive to Reciprocity
Accomodators
Goal is to be on great terms with their counterpart. Easy to talk to but not as good at follow through.
Assertives
Can’t listen until they feel heard Need Reciprocity ASAP
Responding to disrespect with
I’m sorry that doesn’t work for me
Why
Makes people defensive
Ackerman method
- Set target price 2. Offer 65% of goal 3. Calculate 3 raises of 85 95 100%4. Use lots of empathy and different ways of saving no 5. Use precise nonround number for final 6. Throw in nonmonenetary number
Conflict is often the path to great deals
Conflict brings out truth creativity and resolution
Analyst
How They See Themselves: Realistic, Prepared, SmartHow They May Be Seen by Others: Cold, StandoffishView of Business Relationships: As long as they aren’t causing conflict, they are actively preserving the relationship
Analyst P2.
Cares About: Acquiring facts and infoNegotiation Mindset: Time = preparation Silence = time to think
Analyst Pt 3
Characteristics: Methodical & diligent. Hates surprises Self-image tied to minimizing mistakes Prefers to work on their own Reserved problem solver Information aggregator Skeptical by nature May appear to agree when justagreeing to think about it Slow to answer calibrated questions Apologies have little value
Analyst Pt4
Views on Reciprocity: Giving: They only give up things they’vealready thought long and hard about Receiving: When they receive first,they think it must be a trapTools to Use: Labels, specifically to compare analysis Use data• Use data to explain your reasons, no ad-lib• Use data comparisons to disagreeHow to Get Them Back: Show them you’re ready to getsomething accomplishedWorst-Type Match: Assertive
Assertive
How They See Themselves: Honest, Logical, DirectHow They May Be Seen by Others: Emotional, Aggressive, HarshView of Business Relationships: Needs mutual respect; nothing more or less
Assertive Pt 2.
Cares About: Being heard.Negotiation Mindset: Time = money. Silence = opportunity to speak more.Characteristics: Perfecting the solution is lessimportant than getting it done Loves winning above all else Most likely to get tunnel-vision• If you focus on one goal, you missopportunities to explore options• Emotions can cloud decisionmaking faculties View negotiations as intellectual sparring Focus first on what they have tosay. They’ll only listen if they’reconvinced you understand them
Assertive Pt 3.
Characteristics: Perfecting the solution is lessimportant than getting it done Loves winning above all else Most likely to get tunnel-vision• If you focus on one goal, you missopportunities to explore options• Emotions can cloud decisionmaking faculties View negotiations as intellectual sparring Focus first on what they have tosay. They’ll only listen if they’reconvinced you understand them
Black swans are unknown unknowns
Generally there are 3
Keep the beginners mind to facilitate finding black swans
Full active listening
Ask more questions
Share your observations with your counterpart
Open oneself to factual reality in front of you
Be present
Why are they communicating what they are communicating…
Right now?
Black swans
Are leverage multipliers
Leverage
The ability to inflict loss and hold gain
If they are talking to you you have leverage
What leverage do they believe you have?
3 types of leverage
Positive, Negative, Normative
Negative leverage
The ability to make your counterpart suffer
Don’t make direct threats
People would sooner die than give up their autonomy It seems like you don’t care what position you’re leaving me in
How well you listen
Is what determines success
Talk to counterpart about religion
Listen, listen again, listen some more
Use reasonable tone of voice give reason and then cause to increase susceptibility
Offer reasons that reinforce counterparts religion
Negotiation genius
Max H Besoman
Don’t label your counterpart crazy
Try to understand
