Negotiation Flashcards
zero-sum
Negotiation was seen as a zero-sum game for a long time. The goal was to get as much out of the interaction as possible—but always at your opponent’s expense. Your counterpart was your enemy, and the negotiation was a battle.
A lot of people who consider themselves crack negotiators still take an adversarial posture toward their counterparts across the table, but as Chris tells you, there’s
a better way. The idea is to realize that the situation is the adversary, and that the person across the table is actually your negotiating partner—a partner who is to be worked with, not against, in pursuit of a mutually beneficial outcome. In short, effec- tive negotiation is collaborative. In the spirit of collaboration, Chris says your over- arching goals in a negotiation should include:
there are three main tones of voice:
- assertive
- Playful/accommodating
- Late-night FM DJ
assertive
This voice is declarative, straight up, and delivered like a punch in the nose. (Always counterproductive.)
Playful/accommodating
This voice is a bearer of truths delivered gently. It promotes collaboration. This should be your go-to voice in negotiations. (Use it approximately 80 percent of the time.)
Late-night FM DJ
This voice is straightforward with a soothing, downward lilt. It’s best employed when establishing points of negotiation that are immovable. (Use it approxi- mately 10 to 20 percent of the time.)
upward inflection
Speak with an upward inflection, as if you’re asking a question. This tone should convey genuine curiosity and interest in the other person’s point of view. This should be your default inflection.
downward inflection
Speak with a downward inflection, as if you’re stating a fact.
mirror neurons
Your voice will inspire your counterpart to feel the same kinds of emotions that you are expressing by activating an empathetic response from their brain’s mirror neurons.
mirroring
Mirroring, or the repetition of key words used by your negotiating partner, is another essential negotiating tool. In most situations, you should identify one to three key terms for mirroring (but never use more than five). The technique can be espe- cially effective when you’re repeating words that your counterpart has just spoken. Mirroring lets the other side know you’re paying attention to what they’re saying and treating their views with the close consideration they believe they deserve. An example of mirroring might look something like this:
* Your negotiating partner: “I’ve had a really difficult year, and it seems like you’re discounting all of the financial and personal stress I’ve been under.”
* You: “Financial and personal stress?”
Mirroring is a rapport-building technique with wide applicability. It works as well at cocktail parties as it does during hostage negotiations. When you combine it with inquisitive inflection, mirroring can be an effective means of quelling the often- reflexive hostility of confrontational people.
Mirroring can also be used to gather intel. Using it with the inquisitive inflection will lead your counterpart to not only repeat themselves but to elaborate and offer addi- tional details. This expands what you know about them and their position.
labeling
Verbally acknowledging the other side’s feelings and positions. Labels are powerful tools for reinforcing positive feelings and deactivating negative ones.
Labeling is used to give voice to the other side’s feelings. Good labels take the form of: * “It seems like…”
* “It looks like…”
* “You look like…”
To label effectively, you must avoid all use of the first-person pronoun, as in, “What I’m hearing…” or “I think…” First-person phrases signal that you are your number one priority and everyone else in the room is an afterthought. At its core, labeling is designed to let the other side know that you understand their feelings, to help build relationships, and to gather information. Think of it like this:
fear of loss
“Neuroscience teaches us that fear is a dominant factor in human decision-making. Use your skills to try and figure out what the other side is scared of losing.”
fairness
people will more likely take a deal even if it’s not great if they feel like they’ve been treated failry.
calibrated question
A how or what question calibrated more for emotional impact than for conveying information. The calibrated question can lead to increased empathy for your position and give the other side the illusion of control.
accusations audit
An exhaustive list of all the negative things the other side may think, feel, or say about your side. Compiling an accu- sations audit helps you get ahead of the types of negativity and objections that could hinder the successful completion of your deal.
black swan
A piece of innocuous information that, once revealed, changes the course of the entire negotiation. Negotiation is, in many ways, all about finding black swans and using them strategically.
