NARRATOR NUMERO UNO

Question 1

lights up for start of the show

Answer 1

In a time before Facebook, World of Warcraft, and Massive Multiplayer RPGs, there once existed simply a game. Forged by the hands of nerds, crafted in the minds of geeks, and so advanced in its advanciness it would take a whole second edition to contain all its mighty geekery.

Question 2

N#2: …This nerd was a girl nerd, the most uncommon form of nerd in the world and her name was Tilly Evans.

Answer 2

But this story isn’t about her

Question 3

N#2: This story is about her sister Agnes, the girl who never left home…

Answer 3

Agnes Evans grew up average. She was of average height, average weight, and average build. She had average parents and grew up in the average town of Athens, Ohio with her little sister Tilly. Tilly however was anything but average.

Question 4

TILLY: Your face.

Answer 4

As Agnes grew and grew, she became more and more engrossed with transcending her seemingly permanent state of averages, and made one grand wish at the end of her junior year that she would forever regret.

Question 5

AGNES: Well, Chuck, I want to play it.

lights up on S3

Answer 5

Agnes was now in her senior year of high school, and that meant preparations for College. That meant packing.

Question 6

KALIOPE: Agnes the Ass-faced, welcome to our party.

cut to S4

Answer 6

And so it was that Agnes the Ass-Faced and Tillius the Paladin ventured into the dark dwellings of the truly evil, and quite large in stature, ORCUS THE OVERLORD OF THE UNDERWORLD in search for the lost soul of Athens.

Question 7

TILLY: No, not good at all

cut to S5

Answer 7

The Tiamont had a hold of Tilly’s soul, and this harrowing knowledge promised a long and dangerous journey. One that would exhaust Agnes in and out of the world of New Landia.

Question 8

LILITH: Then let us kicketh some ass.

Answer 8

And so our team of adventurers set forth into the wild, following the path Orcus traced out for them. It was indeed treacherous and they did indeed kicketh ass.

Question 9

…they did indeed kicketh ass

music and then lights up on S6.5

Answer 9

Deep in the swamps of mushy…

Question 10

N#2: High in a spire…

Answer 10

Lived a powerful lich. He was cruel and erratic, always experimenting on poor forest creatures…

Question 11

ORCUS: Fine.

S7

Answer 11

The adventurers had broken the Great Seal, but they still needed to face the Guardians Three of the Tiamont.

Question 12

S8

N#2: Agnes had beaten the first guardian of Tiamont, but her troubles in the real world are not to be forgotten.

Answer 12

Miles the non-commital was about to receive some disturbing news

Question 13

CHUCK: That guy really doesn’t like D&D, does he?

S9

Answer 13

As Agnes had her world bend under tremendous pressure, she again retreated into another. Tilly had created a world for herself, and Agnes had only begun to explore.

Question 14

TILLY: No.

S10

Answer 14

The bounds of Tilly’s fantasy had stretched further into Agnes’s reality than either of the sisters could have imagined.

Question 15

VERA:…If she’s in the closet, she’s in there deep.

S11

Answer 15

Young Tilly was more alone than ever, despite Agnes’s best attempts.

Question 16

CHUCK & TILLY: It’s for her.

S12

Answer 16

Miles the non-commital had worries of his own.

Question 17

N#2: How could he come to terms that his girlfriend was maybe-role playing with a freshman?

Answer 17

He needed to find the truth.

Question 18

STEVE: Well, I think you both suck.

S13

Answer 18

Agnes, in her pursuit to find her sisters lost soul, found herself more lost than ever. She was lost to fantasy, yet helpless in the world she had thrown herself into.

Question 19

TILLY: Join the club.

S15

Answer 19

Reality had blended with the realm of New Landia, but everything was new for Agnes the ass-faced.

Question 20

AGNES:…But I’m done talking to ghosts

S16

Answer 20

Has the tale of Agnes The Ass-Hatted come to an end? Will her sister’s soul forever be lost to the great dragon Tiamont?

Question 21

AGNES: Okay, Chuck, I get it. Let’s do this.

S17

Answer 21

The adventure has begun anew! The fiery spark of emotion had lit the flame that became Agne’s resolve.

Question 22

CHUCK: Congratulations, you have finished the Quest for the Lost Soul of Athens.

Answer 22

And so…Agnes the Ass-Faced accomplished her very first quest. Soon she would embark on another and the another and so forth and so on for the rest of her life. Miles the boyfriend who would soon become Miles the finance and finally Miles the husband and father would join her on many quests alongside Chuck the Big Brain’d and Tilly’s old group of friends, Ronnie the Slacker, Kelley the not-so-good-legged, and Lily the Closeted.