MR. BENNET LINES Flashcards
A 1, S 1,
“What a CONQUEST for our daughters, if only you will call on him first-MR. BENNET!” She steals Mr. Bennet’s newspaper
He holds her off with one hand. With the diffidence designed to drive his wife insane
MR. BENNET. “How can it possibly affect them, my dear?”
A 1, S 1,
“And shall snap him up in a trice if you do not go gogoGo!”
She pulls him so hard that she almost sits. Tug-of-war, as he doe not budge in chair
MR. BENNET. “Mr. Bingley may have any of the girls he chooses—though I will throw in a good word for Lizzy.”
A 1, S 1,
“And she is not so—so—tall as Mary.”
Mary coughs in a revolting manner
MR. BENNET. “They have none of them much to recommend, my dear.”
A 1, S 1,
“You have no compassion for my nerves which at any moment may SNAP and FELL me like a /cut in/ wounded—”
MR. BENNET. “My / dear, I have high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have been acquainted with them for twenty years at least.”
A 1, S 1,
“DO NOT BLAME YOUR father, girls, when he DROPS DEAD—”
MR. BENNET. “—I say” cut in
A 1, S 1,
Discussion over death of Mr. Bennet
“Papa, please!”
MR. BENNET. “Do not resolve on penury and death quite yet my dear”
He retrieves paper
“Live just long enough for me to introduce you to Mr. Bingley.”
A 1, S 1,
After reveal of meeting Mr Bingley
JANE. “Papa?”
MR. BENNET. “I met the gentleman yesterday.”
Open paper, it’s full of holes
A 1, S 1,
” Is he an officer? Is he handsome?” “Is he a scholar? Can he play?”
MR. BENNET. “I testify to nothing but that he has two eyes, one mouth—presumably two of everything that ought to be in pairs and one of everything single—”
MRS. BENNET. “Ooooh—”
MR. BENNET. “—and that he brings in five thousand pounds a year, and that he will attend the Longs’ ball on Tuesday.”
A 1, S 1,
“Oh, Mr. Bennet! Dear Mr. Bennet! How good you are—”
She attacks and kisses him
MR. BENNET. “No, no—!”
“I hope I have bought a MOMENT’s peace. Now Mary, cough as much as you choose.”
He clutches his rumpled paper and exits
A 1, S 2,
Enter with family cast
“YOOHOO, MRS. LONG—HOW IS YOUR BOY WITH SCROFULA—AND IS HE HERE TONIGHT?”
(Cue)
MR. BENNET. Exit to background
A 1, S 2,
BINGLEY. “I—Spy—My.” (Cue)
MR. BENNET. Enter back in a little bit, watch Bingley.
A 1, S 2,
“—ten thousand a year—Lizzy, do look lively.” “MAMMA.”
MR. BENNET. Cut in between people standing “Ah, Mr. Bingley—My eldest, Miss Jane Bennet.”
Stick around until Mrs. Bennet starts embarrassing herself
A 1, S 2,
“It is much too charming, is what it is.” “ So soon?” (Cue)
MR. BENNET. Start making way to dance floor to look after drunk Lydia
A 1, S 2,
“We really should leave—this company is rather too “lively” to be borne.”
MR. BENNET. *Enters with drunk Lydia
“My dear, we really should leave. Mary is worse than a terrier.”
Pause for Mary
“—and Lydia has rather overindulged in the refreshments.”
A 1, S 2,
“I shall have my sister invite you to Netherfield—”
Lydia is turning green
MR. BENNET. “My dear—”
A 1, S 3,
“I won your father, didn’t I? And wasn’t he a catch.”
Mary coughs
MR. BENNET. “HAVE CONSUMPTION OR BE DONE WITH IT!” Bang table
A 1, S 3,
“Mr. Darcy so rude? But everybody says that he is et up with pride, and I dare say he thought we were beneath him.”
MR. BENNET. “I would not have you dance with this vain man, Elizabeth.”
A 1, S 3,
Mary goes on a tangent about vanity and pride “… PRIDE.”
MR. BENNET. Slowly bring finger to temple, once finished wait 3 Mississippi seconds
“… I prefer the coughing.”
A 1, S 3,
“Then you would drink more than you ought, and I would take away your bottle directly!”
Bickering ensues between Lydia and Mrs. Bennet
(Cue)
MR. BENNET. Melt into chair, driven to insanity
A 1, S 3,
“Perhaps she will die—that would be romantic!” “—PAPA!”
MR. BENNET. “Matrimonial games are womens’ purview, Elizabeth, and I had enough of them when my own round was lost.”
Flips up paper
“Leave me out of it.”
A 1, S 3,
“We hear often of sickness from love, perhaps this is a case of love from—” cough cough cough
(Cue)
MR. BENNET. Flips paper down, glares at Mary.
A 1, S 3,
Ending of scene
“Then I shall walk!” “Mr. Bennet—”
(Cue)
MR. BENNET. Flips paper back up
A 1, S 6,
“Well if you don’t want him—!” “Girls girls—please, my nerves—(Mary coughs) NO!”
MR. BENNET. enters from inside door
“Where is this Paris come to steal away our poor excuses for Helens?” sarcasm
A 1, S 6,
“Just missed him, Pappa.”
MR. BENNET. “Then I have fulfilled my duty as patriarch, frightening off unserious young men.”
A 1, S 6,
“Only a lieutenant, Mr. Bennet.”
MR. BENNET. “The soundest of nets will occasionally catch the smallest fish, my dear.”
A 1, S 6,
“You are in high spirits, Pappa.”
MR. BENNET. “I have had an intriguing letter.”
Unfurls long letter
“I hope you can accommodate another young man for dinner tomorrow, madame!”
A 1, S 6,
“Clever—”
smack
“Creature!”
smack
MR. BENNET. “No, my dear. It is my cousin, Mr. Collins.”
MRS. BENNET. “Mr.—”
MR. BENNET. “The very same villain who shall inherit this estate when I am finally dead and at blessed blessed peace. He writes to propose a visit—
—He wishes to rebuild the broken bonds between our houses—// and I must inform you that he is single.”
A 1, S 6,
“Oh, OH, OHhhhHHHHHH-Hhhhh!”
MR. BENNET. “—even if that fails, my dear, perhaps you may persuade him to cede you the best linens.To shroud me in.”
A 1, S 6
“Is he a Redcoat, Pappa?”
MR. BENNET. “A clergymen.”
“Ohhhhhhhhh!”
MR. BENNET. “If you girls can manage not to frighten HIM away—”
“OH MR. BENNET!”
Mrs. Bennet falls across Mr. Bennet
MR. BENNET. “No, no, release me—!”
A 1, S 7,
“SPURN this proffer-red… olive… brrr-anch.” (Cue)
MR. BENNET. Elbow Mrs. Bennet to applaud
A 1, S 7,
“CLAIM to you, I think; for we… are… Relations.”
*He sloppily kisses Jane’s hand. All the girls react.”
MR. BENNET. Frantically ringing the dinner bell “Dinner! Oh, look, it’s time for dinner. (To the girls) Eeeeee!”
A 1, S 8,
“Mary! A new song, please. Nothing can be Arranged to such music!”
MR. BENNET. “No—no, Mary—you have delighted us long enough.”
He hustles Mary off
A 1, S 9,
“No!”
“No?”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
MR. BENNET. Enters “WHAT! IS! ALL! THIS! RACKET!”
A 1, S 9,
“Elizabeth, you’ll ruin us all! Do think of my nerves! MR. BENNET! DO THINK OF MY NERVES!”
MR. BENNET. “You have refused Mr. Collins, Lizzy?”
A 1, S 9,
“And most in particularly not that one!”
“KWA!”
MR. BENNET. Holds up a finger “Your mother insists that you accept him!”
A 1, S 9,
“OR I SWEAR—I SWEAR—I NEVER shall see her again!”
“Pappa, my feelings in every respect forbid it!”
MR. BENNET. “Then an unhappy choice is before you, Elizabeth. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins—And I will never see you again if you do.”
MRS. BENNET. “Mr.—MR. BENNET! MR. BENNET!”
MR. BENNET. “Leave me to my paper—!”
A 2, S 1,
Opening scenes
MRS. BENNET. 3x Huahs (Last HUUUAAAAAHHHHHHHH)
MR. BENNET. Flip down paper “My DEAR—”
MRS. BENNET. “No, no. It’s nothing (pause)—I do not wish to discuss it!”
MR. BENNET. Flip paper back up
MRS. BENNET. “HUAAAAAAAAHHH!”
MR. BENNET. “MRS. BENNET—”
A 2, S 1,
“-weep over lost chances! But IT WILL BE TOO LATE THEN TO CRY!”
MR. BENNET. “My dear, let us hope for better things—”
MRS. BENNET. “—Oh, that I should live to see such days!—”
MR. BENNET. “—Perhaps you will die before me! Then you shall have to endure none of it.”
A 2, S 1,
“HUuuuuuuuAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.”
She turns and stalks out
MR. BENNET. “No-no…. She’ll never die.”
exits
A 2, S 1,
WICKHAM. “I have been known to behave in a wild manner myself.”
Bows over hand (Cue)
MR. BENNET. Enters
A 2, S 1,
“Pappa, this is Mr. Wickham—he escorted Mary and me home today.” “Where is Mary, Lydia?”
Lydia shrugs
MR. BENNET. “Ah, the infamous Mr. Wickham!”
Sits down with paper to mostly ignore Wickham
“I have heard a great deal of nonsense about you from my girls. Which one shall you be taking off my hands?”
A 2, S 1,
“MUST you BREATHE so, it’s MOST unattractive—” “Girls. Girls. Girls.”
They bicker, Mary sputters water
MR. BENNET. “Please pardon the chaos. I wish I could say it was unusual.”
He flips up paper
A 2, S 1,
WICKHAM. “I hope I can wait so long.”
He kisses her hand, bows, and exits
MR. BENNET. “I must congratulate you Elizabeth! Jane has been crossed in love recently, and I know women like that above all things—gives a lady a sort of distinction. And now you have found a man to disappoint you, too!”
A 2, S 1,
“Mr. Wickham shall not disappoint me if I can prevent it, Pappa.”
MR. BENNET. “Why not? He seems capable of jilting you creditably.”
A 2, S 1,
“How many times must I tell you—tell EVERYONE—that I shall NEVER marry!”
MR. BENNET. “So they all say, before. How can you promise to be wiser than so many of your fellow creatures?”
NEVER SEND to know for whom the bell tolls, Elizabeth, it tolls for THEE!
BING—BING—BONG—BING.”
A 2, S 7,
Mary’s rant on perfection ends “PERFECTION.”
MR. BENNET. enters looking shocked and disheveled
LIZZY. “Papa!”
MR. BENNET. “Lizzy, I didn’t hear—the—uh, the. Coach, I must—”
Helped into chair
A 2, S 7,
“Shall I fetch you some tea, Pappa, or something to eat?”
MR. BENNET. “You know I cannot stomach it.”
LIZZY. “Forgive me, Pappa!”
MR. BENNET. “For what?”
A 2, S 7,
“But I didn’t want to give the source any credit. Pappa—this is all my fault.”
MR. BENNET. “No. For years, out of some—disappointment, I removed myself from the affairs of this family. Is it any wonder with a father so absent, and a mother so focused on conquest, that a silly child would become easy prey?”
A 2, S 7,
“Called low a game, and deemed marriage an irreparable mistake, and filled her head with nonsense!”
MR. BENNET. “And who taught you to always think only the worst of attachment? It is my fault; my poor girls. And now we are all ruined.”
A 2, S 7,
“Now is the time for strength. — isn’t it, my dear?” (Cue)
MR. BENNET. handed paper and weakly sips tea
A 2, S 7,
“You ought to be more civil, considering the prize I have won. Come, sir! Come come come!”
Wickham comes in like a smug motherfuxxer
MR. BENNET. “How dare you.”
pushes through daughter to launch himself at Wickham, held back by Mrs. Bennet
“HOW DARE YOU COME UNDER MY ROOF, SIR! ELIZABETH! FETCH ME MY PISTOLS!”
A 2, S 7,
“Oh, ‘Mrs. Lydia Wickham.’ You shall need visiting cards, and won’t Mrs. Lucas (just)—”
MR. BENNET. “MRS. BENNET!”
(To Wickham) “… Sir, shall we discuss this privately?”
Wickham responds and he stalks off to exit, Wickham follows
A 2, S 7,
“And soon I will make you lovely maiden aunts! I thought that’s what you wanted!” (Cue)
MR. BENNET. reenter with Wickham and Mrs. Bennet
A 2, S 7,
“Lydia.”
Wickham snaps fingers
“Where are we going?”
MR. BENNET. “I have consented to the match.—But—he is not welcome in this house. I have other daughters to think of.” motions vaguely to Mary
A 2, S 8,
Opening of last scene
MR. BENNET. “That is as fine a fellow as ever I saw. He simpers, and smirks, and makes love to us all.”
MRS. B. “Yes, isn’t he charming.”
MR. BENNET. “I must lie down.”
MRS. B. “—And so handsome!”
MR. BENNET.“Mrs. Bennet, please. My nerves.”
They both exit
A 2, S 8,
“Mrs. Bennet.”
“Mamma!”
“Mary!”
“MR. BENNET!”
JANE. “Lizzy?”
MR. BENNET. enters “WHAT! IS! ALL! THIS! RACKET!”
grabs bell from wife
A 2, S 8,
“Sir, I have reason to believe that your daughter—”
MR. BENNET. “Jane?”
LC.”Elizabeth.”
MR. BENNET. “Lizzy?”
A 2, S 8,
“Jane!” “—is trying to ensnare my nephew—”
MR. BENNET. “Bingley?”
Bingley. “Darcy—”
A 2, S 8,
“NO NO NOT AGAIN! Your Elizabeth is trying to catch my Darcy, and I am here to put a stop to it!”
MR. BENNET. pause for three seconds and laugh in an uncharacteristic manner
A 2, S 8,
“I SHALL NOT STAND BY—”
MR. BENNET. “PEACE, Lady Catherine! There is hope yet. Mr. Darcy, I thought you never looked at a women but to see a flaw. But you shall still be disappointed, sir, for my Lizzy, is firmly resolved against marriage altogether. Aren’t you.”
Pause, look between Lizzy and Darcy
“Ask not for whom the bell tolls, Elizabeth.”
A 2, S 8,
“SHALL THE SHADES OF PEMBERLEY BE THUS POLLUTED.” “THIS IS NOTHING TO JANE AND BINGLEY FORGIVE ME SIR TEN THOUSAND A YEAR.”
MR. BENNET. “I swore that I would never again be part of these games. Sir, if you can secure my daughter’s consent, you may have mine. The rest of you:”
Grabs the bell and rings everyone out
“Go! Gogogo!”
Everyone exits
“Now, Mary, when is your gentleman to come in?”
Closes door behind him
