Mom Flashcards

1
Q

So. We’re good?

A

Oh Sure…And I’m gonna need some time to rebuild my trust in you which frankly has been shattered.

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2
Q

Oh, come on. Let’s just call it even and move on.

A

Oh Sure…And I’m gonna need some time to rebuild my trust in you which frankly has been shattered.

I don’t know. Is there anything else that you haven’t told me?

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3
Q

Probably.

A

I don’t know. Is there anything else that you haven’t told me?

Well?

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4
Q

Really? You want to do this?

A

Well?

Yes, I want to do this.

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5
Q

You’re willing to come clean about everything you’ve kept from me?

A

Yes, I want to do this.

Ooh-

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6
Q

Yeah, tricky, isn’t it?

A

Ooh-

Yeah. What the hell? Let’s do it! Let’s put it all on the table.

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7
Q

No harm no foul?

A

Yeah. What the hell? Let’s do it! Let’s put it all on the table.

Yeah, total amnesty.

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8
Q

All right. Do you wanna go first?

A

Yeah, total amnesty.

I’ll give you $400 if you go first.

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9
Q

Ok, you remember your aunt Janine?

A

I’ll give you $400 if you go first.

Yeah.

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10
Q

She wasn’t really your aunt. She and I were, you know-

A

Yeah.

Oh my God! You were gay?

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11
Q

Not gay so much as temporarily disgusted with men.

A

Oh my God! You were gay?

Wow, Aunt Janine used to take me to the park and teach me how to use weapons…oh ok…huh yeah.

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12
Q

Your turn.

A

Wow, Aunt Janine used to take me to the park and teach me how to use weapons…oh ok…huh yeah.

Okay, ya know that kilo of cocaine that was “stolen” from your car that one time?

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13
Q

Yeah.

A

Okay, ya know that kilo of cocaine that was “stolen” from your car that one time?

Best junior prom ever!

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14
Q

Are you kidding me? I was almost shot in the desert because of that.

A

Best junior prom ever!

Wow, too bad. I was voted queen of the prom! Amnesty! Okay, you’re up.

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15
Q

Okay, we’ll, the only reason you passed ninth grade algebra was because I gave your teacher a handy on parents night.

A

Wow, too bad. I was voted queen of the prom! Amnesty! Okay, you’re up.

Nice try you told me the next morning. Give.

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16
Q

All right. Alvin Lester Bilnikoff.

A

Nice try you told me the next morning. Give.

Who’s that?

17
Q

Your father.

A

Who’s that?

What? You always said you didn’t know who he was and it could have been a dozen different guys!

18
Q

I lied. I always knew it was Alvin. Phew! That’s a load off. All right your turn.

A

What? You always said you didn’t know who he was and it could have been a dozen different guys!

Are you freaking kidding me!? I spent my whole life wondering!

19
Q

Calm down! We agreed on amnesty!

A

Are you freaking kidding me!? I spent my whole life wondering!

Blowing up my world doesn’t equal amnesty. That’s not what that means.

20
Q

It was a long time ago, sure that was his name. I never actually knew him. He was…not a good guy. I haven’t been the best mom, but I need you to trust me on this one.

A

Blowing up my world doesn’t equal amnesty. That’s not what that means.

Ok…I guess.

21
Q

Thank you sweetie. Now would you like to know how you got into such a good college?-

A

Okay…I guess.

And I need some alone time…