Modes Flashcards

1
Q
  • Feels incapable and overwhelmed by adult responsibilities
  • Wants to be taken care of and shows regressive tendencies
  • Related to a lack of autonomy and self-reliance which may be caused by an authoritarian upbringing
A

Child

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2
Q
  • Feels alone, empty, unloved, and undeserving of love
  • Feels like a lonely child that is only valued to the extent that they can aggrandize their parents
A

Child

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3
Q
  • Experiences humiliation and inferiority
  • Related to childhood experiences both in and outside of the family
  • A subtype of abandoned and abused child modes
A

Child

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4
Q
  • Feels enormous pain and fear of abandonment, which has direct links with a history of abuse
  • Feels sad, frightened, hopeless, defenseless, victimized, vulnerable, lost, alone, and worthless
  • Appears fragile and childlike and is obsesses with identifying a parent figure to look after them
A

Child

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5
Q
  • Copes by avoiding triggers
  • Physically keeps away from anything that might trigger distress
A

Avoid

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6
Q
  • Uses emotional detachment to protect self from painful feelings
  • Is unaware of feelings, feels nothing, and appears emotionally distant, flat, or robotic
  • May avoid getting close to others
  • Voice may be monotone and face inexpressive even when speaking about emotional topics
  • May appear bored, disinterested or tired
  • May intellectualize or talk excessively about others instead of self
A

avoid

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7
Q
  • Goes numb or spaces out to shut off feelings
  • Might feel foggy, spaced out, or unreal
  • Can experience depersonalization or slowed thinking which affects functioning
A

avoid

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8
Q
  • Tries to gain attention through extravagant, exaggerated, or inappropriate behavior
  • Usually compensates for underlying loneliness
A

overcompensate

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9
Q
  • controls the behavior of others by criticizing and blaming them
  • tells others how to do things in a dictatorial or scolding way
A

overcompensate

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10
Q
  • controls others/ behavior out of suspiciousness
  • focuses on vigilance and scans for signs of malevolence
A

overcompensate

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11
Q
  • focuses on perfection
  • uses perfection to gain control and prevent criticism or misfortune
A

overcompensate

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12
Q
  • cons, lies, and manipulates others to achieve a specific goal
  • aims to victimize others or escape punishment
A

overcompensate

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13
Q
  • the focus is on eliminating a threat, rival, or enemy
  • cold, ruthless, and calculating
A

overcompensate

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14
Q
  • pays excessive attention to the perceived needs, demands, and expectations of others at the expense of their own needs
  • eager to please and in need of approval and reassurance
  • driven by anxiety that others will hurt, leave, or dislike them
  • may express feelings of disappointment in passive-aggressive ways
A

surrender

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15
Q
  • behaves as the child
  • the same beliefs, emotions, and behaviors are present as when the childhood pattern was established
A

surrender

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16
Q
  • performs appropriate adult functions such as work, parenting, and making commitments
  • nurtures and validates the Vulnerable Child Mode
  • sets limits for the Angry and Impulsive Child Modes
  • Answers back to the Parent modes and takes the place of maladaptive coping modes
  • Pursues adult interests and activities including exercise, sex, and learning
A

healthy

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17
Q
  • feels content because core emotional needs are being met
  • feels loved, connected, satisfied, and fulfilled
  • feels worthy, self-confident, autonomous, self-reliant, resilient, and in control
  • Feels praised, nurtured, understood, validated, and optimistic
  • Feels protected, safe, and strong
A

healthy

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18
Q
  • demands impossibly high standards of self and pushes self to do more and achieve more whilst never being satisfied with the outcome
  • an internal pressure to perform
  • a constant need to do better
  • often compares self (unfavorably) to others
A

parent

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19
Q
  • worries excessively about things that could go wrong and what could be done to fix them
  • Worry and rumination compensate for an intolerance of uncertainty
  • May believe that this will better equip them to cope with negative events
A

overcompensate

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20
Q
  • attempts to protet self from perceived threat by exercising extreme control
  • ruminates, completes rituals, overthinks, and keeps self on a tight rein to avoid criticism or negative emotions
  • May view basic needs such as eating and sleeping as self-indulgent and prioritize “productive” tasks over these
A

overcompensate

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21
Q
  • an internalized critical or punishing parent voice directing harsh criticism towards the self and inducing feelings of shame or guilt
  • views or talks about the self in a negative, critical, or self-punishing way
  • feels like a failure with no skills and feels guilt, shame, and an excessive sense of responsiblity
  • responds to compliments by denying or undoing them and pointing to own defectiveness
A

parent

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22
Q
  • attempts to pick apart and problem-solve emotional problems in a detached, cognitive manner
  • ruminates and worries about things that have gone wrong or things that could go wrong in the future
  • anxiety is detectable underneath but analyzing it allows a sense of control and distance from the emotion
A

overcompensate

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23
Q
  • feels angry because needs are unmet but suppresses the direct expression of anger due to a belief that this is unacceptable
  • cuts off the nose to spite the face
  • hurts self and pushes boundaries as a way of getting back at others
  • expresses anger through withdrawal and irritability but may lash out in an angry outburst if coping modes are interrupted
24
Q
  • a sub-form of the Angry Child mode
  • feels angry but does not express it openly
  • passively resists when asked to do something or when autonomy is restricted or violated
  • may appear stubborn or willful
25
* harms, criticizes, deprives, or attacks the self to achieve self-improvement or minimize criticism or humiliation from others and the Punitive Critic * may gain a sense of control from punishing the self and reducing the likelihood of punishment from others * minimizes vulnerability and maximizes adherence to Unrelenting Standards
overcompensate
26
* an internalized parent who makes the invidual feel responsible for the happiness and well-being of everyone else * requires the individual to do everything for others and to never criticize anyone else * induces guilt when the individual cannot live up to the ideal * may develop in childhood when the parent "parentifies" the child by requiring them to provide emotional care to them * promotes self-sacrifice and surrender to the will of others
parent
27
* copes with anxiety-provoking situtaions using order, detail, and repitition * tells stories in excruciating detail with so much focus on every minute aspect that the point of the story is lost * may speak in a pressured, uninterruptable way; a wall of sound * others may be aware of the underlying anxiety, but the individual is not whilst they are talking * may show excessive devotion to non-emotional topics
overcompensate
28
* an internalized parent who is immature, naive, easily influenced by others, and accepts circumstances as they are, without challenge * offers no guidance about right and wrong and does not predict consequences of actions * does not offer guidance for handling everyday problems * does not offer a sense of safety or realistic limits
parent
29
* an internalized parent who demands the emotional needs of others are pandered to and met entirely * demands that the individual works hard to keep the moods of others up and becomes critical and controlling if not * does not permit the child modes to express their needs * encourages surrender as a coping mode * often internalized as the result of a volatile and/or unstable parent who responded with aggression if challenged
parent
30
* an internalized parent who is disengaged, aloof, and neglectful * does not assume any responsibility for helping the child manage their feelings * does not meet any of the core emotional needs
parent
31
* an internalized parent who is extremely worried things will go wrong and is overwhelmed by expectations of catastrophe * becomes overprotective and intrusive and prevents the individual from being autonomous, developing a sense of competency, or being spontaneous
parent
32
* persistently positive, even in the face of genuine challenges and difficulties * minimizes feelings which could invite criticism or rejection and avoids being assertive. Idealizes others but renounces them for betrayals. * Excessively positive and always finds the silver lining in a way that invalidates real suffering * May use platitudes like "everything happens for a reason" * feels responsible for keeping others happy
overcompensate
33
* requires special treatment and recognition of victim status * surrenders to maladaptive schemas but does not allow the Vulnerable Child to access care, pushing others away with complaints that they do not and cannot understand * Sullen, self-pitying, or martyred behavior * resentful of being asked to undertake therapy or try to change things for oneself * excuses and permits unhealthy coping strategies including addictions
surrender
34
* the source of creativity, playfulness, and curiosity * a subtype of the Happy Child Mode * allows authentic engagement with life
healthy
35
* an internalized parent who insists one cannot cope alone * states it is not possible to make independent decisions or know what one is feeling * maintains that it must be listened to so that it can provide guidance
parent
36
* philosophizes and intellectualizes to detach self from emotions * a subtype of the Detached Protector * May seem excessively logical or rational rather than emotional * may reference theories and other sources in order to evidence understanding of the self or situation
avoid
37
* avoids direct expression of true vulnerabilities, instead suggesting they are powerless to change their suffering and others are not doing enough to help * may have a resigned or victim tone * believes responsibility for changing their situation lies outside of them and feels emotionally deprived by the failure of others to fix their problems * seeks attention passively, e.g. by exaggerated withdrawal, submissiveness, hopelessness, self-denial, or complaint * may say "yes, but" and avoid active change or genuine connection
surrender
38
* suppresses uncomfortable feelings by neutralizing them with compulsive behaviors * behaviors are repetitive and ritualistic * these may be overt, e.g. cleaning, organizing, or checking * they may also be covert, e.g. praying or repeating phrases or words * the intention is to neutralize distressing or vulnerable feelings
overcompensate
39
* provides apparently rational but ultimately inaccurate explanations of one's own and other people's behavior as a way of avoiding emotions * may exclude feelings from conversation in a way that leaves others feeling invalidated or like they are not entitled to their emotions
overcompensate
40
* uses perfectionism and excessive control over the body to compensate for a sense of shame, powerlessness, or guilt * a focus on achievement, competitiveness, and control of the body and eating patterns is used to distance the self from vulnerability and distress * emphasis on extremely high standards with the intention of avoiding criticism and shame * can result in feelings of powerfulness, mastery, purity, or superiority
overcompensate
41
* strives to achieve a sense of omnipotence based on moral or physical superiority * views vulnerability as weakness * seeks autonomy and avoids dependence * attempts to overcome emotional and physical needs. In eating disorders, surviving each day with a low body weight promotes a sense of invulnerability * may be rewarded with a sense of freedom and fun, and a "manic" energy
overcompensate
42
* an internalized parent who is unstable, disorganized, frantic, emotionally labile, and unpredictable * this mode is too lost in their own chaos to take their child into account * experiencing this mode makes the Vulnerable Child constantly alert, frightened, and paralyzed * no emotional needs are met, nor the need for realistic limits, safety, or stability
parent
43
* the most disturbed and disturbing of the dysfunctional parent modes * this parent mode is not capable of parenting and is severely emotionally disturbed * this internalized parent mode humiliates, abuses, exploits, and intimidates the child modes * it is unbearably cruel and intolerable to be around * it is an extreme version of the Punitive Critic * no core childhood needs can be met
parent
44
* part of the Health Adult Mode (which may develop through therapy) which appropriately cares for and sets reasonable limits and expectations for oneself * replaces the dysfunctional parent modes * meets or finds healthy ways of meeting unmet core childhood needs, e.g. the need for nurturance, safety, or expression of feelings and needs * cares for one's physical and emotional well-being
healthy
45
* feels lonely, sad, isolated, misunderstood, and excluded * feels needy, hopeless, deprived, and unable to trust their own judgment * feels lost and defeated
child
46
* feels and expresses uncontrolled anger or rage in response to (perceived or real) injustice, mistreatment, humiliation, frustration, or abandonment * may behave like a child having a tantrum - shouting, hitting, swearing, breaking, or throwing things, and balling fists * while the feelings of injustice may be justified, the reaction is disproproportionately angry and uncontrolled
child
47
* cannot force self to complete boring or routine tasks * easily gets frustrated and gives up
child
48
* characterized by spoiled, entitled behavior and no tolerance of limits * lacks patience and becomes angry or frustrated if they do not get what they want immediately * pushes boundaries, changes from topic to topic, drinks excessively, or uses drugs when the opportunity arises * may engage in promiscuous sex * loses interest easily
child
49
* uses repetitive, addictive, compulsive, or self-stimulating behaviors to calm and soothe self, or exciting sensations to distance self from painful feelings * may shop, eat, gamble, use drugs or alcohol, or have sex to escape painful feelings
avoid
50
* uses a wall of anger to protect self from others perceived as threatening * keeps others at a safe distance using controlled displays of anger * may appear sullen, sulky, hostile, or withdrawn * may speak very little or give one- or two-word answers, and deny anger despite this being communicated through body language
avoid
51
* uses threats, intimidation, aggression, or coercion to get own way * retaliates against others, asserts dominance, and takes sadistic pleasure in the attack * may intimidate others subtly or obviously * may threaten to use a weapon, raise voice, jab finger, stare others down, interrupt, or pace * may throw things or slam doors to demonstrate that they are angry and not to be ignored
overcompensate
52
* feels superior, special, or powerful. sees the world in terms of "top dog" and "underdog" and shows off or behaves in a self-important manner. * Is concerned with appearance rather than feelings or real contact with other people * Likes to present self in a positive manner and spends a lot of time on appearance and telling stories to highlight one's own specialness * can be arrogant and devaluing others and abhors the idea of being ordinary
overcompensate
53
* an internalized parent who is more like a friend of the child * holds the view that children should do as they like with minimal restrictions * praises, admires, and aggrandizes the child, but does not set standards for self-regulation or discipline * does not require the child to suspend immediate gratification for longer-term rewards or achievement * does not set realistic limits
parent
54
* an internalized parent who feels entitled and like others are to blame for their bad experiences * uses their suffering to keep others tied to them * depends on the Vulnerable Child Mode to feel safe, loved, and wanted * when the Vulnerable Child tries to assert their rights, the Victim-like Parent is accusatory and reverts to emotional or sick-role behaviors to guilt the child back into their carer role
parent
55
* expresses complaints in a way that implies a sense of victimization * complains, whines, and demands in a dissatisfied way which others find aversive and which masks true feelings and needs * implies others are not doing enough to assist but makes them feel powerless to help. The tone is of neediness, but help is rejected as inadequate. * Reminiscent of the Angry Protector and the Poor Me/Self-Pity Victim
avoid