Modes Flashcards
1
Q
- Feels incapable and overwhelmed by adult responsibilities
- Wants to be taken care of and shows regressive tendencies
- Related to a lack of autonomy and self-reliance which may be caused by an authoritarian upbringing
A
Child
2
Q
- Feels alone, empty, unloved, and undeserving of love
- Feels like a lonely child that is only valued to the extent that they can aggrandize their parents
A
Child
3
Q
- Experiences humiliation and inferiority
- Related to childhood experiences both in and outside of the family
- A subtype of abandoned and abused child modes
A
Child
4
Q
- Feels enormous pain and fear of abandonment, which has direct links with a history of abuse
- Feels sad, frightened, hopeless, defenseless, victimized, vulnerable, lost, alone, and worthless
- Appears fragile and childlike and is obsesses with identifying a parent figure to look after them
A
Child
5
Q
- Copes by avoiding triggers
- Physically keeps away from anything that might trigger distress
A
Avoid
6
Q
- Uses emotional detachment to protect self from painful feelings
- Is unaware of feelings, feels nothing, and appears emotionally distant, flat, or robotic
- May avoid getting close to others
- Voice may be monotone and face inexpressive even when speaking about emotional topics
- May appear bored, disinterested or tired
- May intellectualize or talk excessively about others instead of self
A
avoid
7
Q
- Goes numb or spaces out to shut off feelings
- Might feel foggy, spaced out, or unreal
- Can experience depersonalization or slowed thinking which affects functioning
A
avoid
8
Q
- Tries to gain attention through extravagant, exaggerated, or inappropriate behavior
- Usually compensates for underlying loneliness
A
overcompensate
9
Q
- controls the behavior of others by criticizing and blaming them
- tells others how to do things in a dictatorial or scolding way
A
overcompensate
10
Q
- controls others/ behavior out of suspiciousness
- focuses on vigilance and scans for signs of malevolence
A
overcompensate
11
Q
- focuses on perfection
- uses perfection to gain control and prevent criticism or misfortune
A
overcompensate
12
Q
- cons, lies, and manipulates others to achieve a specific goal
- aims to victimize others or escape punishment
A
overcompensate
13
Q
- the focus is on eliminating a threat, rival, or enemy
- cold, ruthless, and calculating
A
overcompensate
14
Q
- pays excessive attention to the perceived needs, demands, and expectations of others at the expense of their own needs
- eager to please and in need of approval and reassurance
- driven by anxiety that others will hurt, leave, or dislike them
- may express feelings of disappointment in passive-aggressive ways
A
surrender
15
Q
- behaves as the child
- the same beliefs, emotions, and behaviors are present as when the childhood pattern was established
A
surrender
16
Q
- performs appropriate adult functions such as work, parenting, and making commitments
- nurtures and validates the Vulnerable Child Mode
- sets limits for the Angry and Impulsive Child Modes
- Answers back to the Parent modes and takes the place of maladaptive coping modes
- Pursues adult interests and activities including exercise, sex, and learning
A
healthy
17
Q
- feels content because core emotional needs are being met
- feels loved, connected, satisfied, and fulfilled
- feels worthy, self-confident, autonomous, self-reliant, resilient, and in control
- Feels praised, nurtured, understood, validated, and optimistic
- Feels protected, safe, and strong
A
healthy
18
Q
- demands impossibly high standards of self and pushes self to do more and achieve more whilst never being satisfied with the outcome
- an internal pressure to perform
- a constant need to do better
- often compares self (unfavorably) to others
A
parent
19
Q
- worries excessively about things that could go wrong and what could be done to fix them
- Worry and rumination compensate for an intolerance of uncertainty
- May believe that this will better equip them to cope with negative events
A
overcompensate
20
Q
- attempts to protet self from perceived threat by exercising extreme control
- ruminates, completes rituals, overthinks, and keeps self on a tight rein to avoid criticism or negative emotions
- May view basic needs such as eating and sleeping as self-indulgent and prioritize “productive” tasks over these
A
overcompensate
21
Q
- an internalized critical or punishing parent voice directing harsh criticism towards the self and inducing feelings of shame or guilt
- views or talks about the self in a negative, critical, or self-punishing way
- feels like a failure with no skills and feels guilt, shame, and an excessive sense of responsiblity
- responds to compliments by denying or undoing them and pointing to own defectiveness
A
parent
22
Q
- attempts to pick apart and problem-solve emotional problems in a detached, cognitive manner
- ruminates and worries about things that have gone wrong or things that could go wrong in the future
- anxiety is detectable underneath but analyzing it allows a sense of control and distance from the emotion
A
overcompensate
23
Q
- feels angry because needs are unmet but suppresses the direct expression of anger due to a belief that this is unacceptable
- cuts off the nose to spite the face
- hurts self and pushes boundaries as a way of getting back at others
- expresses anger through withdrawal and irritability but may lash out in an angry outburst if coping modes are interrupted
A
child
24
Q
- a sub-form of the Angry Child mode
- feels angry but does not express it openly
- passively resists when asked to do something or when autonomy is restricted or violated
- may appear stubborn or willful
A
child
25
Q
- harms, criticizes, deprives, or attacks the self to achieve self-improvement or minimize criticism or humiliation from others and the Punitive Critic
- may gain a sense of control from punishing the self and reducing the likelihood of punishment from others
- minimizes vulnerability and maximizes adherence to Unrelenting Standards
A
overcompensate
26
Q
- an internalized parent who makes the invidual feel responsible for the happiness and well-being of everyone else
- requires the individual to do everything for others and to never criticize anyone else
- induces guilt when the individual cannot live up to the ideal
- may develop in childhood when the parent “parentifies” the child by requiring them to provide emotional care to them
- promotes self-sacrifice and surrender to the will of others
A
parent
27
Q
- copes with anxiety-provoking situtaions using order, detail, and repitition
- tells stories in excruciating detail with so much focus on every minute aspect that the point of the story is lost
- may speak in a pressured, uninterruptable way; a wall of sound
- others may be aware of the underlying anxiety, but the individual is not whilst they are talking
- may show excessive devotion to non-emotional topics
A
overcompensate
28
Q
- an internalized parent who is immature, naive, easily influenced by others, and accepts circumstances as they are, without challenge
- offers no guidance about right and wrong and does not predict consequences of actions
- does not offer guidance for handling everyday problems
- does not offer a sense of safety or realistic limits
A
parent
29
Q
- an internalized parent who demands the emotional needs of others are pandered to and met entirely
- demands that the individual works hard to keep the moods of others up and becomes critical and controlling if not
- does not permit the child modes to express their needs
- encourages surrender as a coping mode
- often internalized as the result of a volatile and/or unstable parent who responded with aggression if challenged
A
parent
30
Q
- an internalized parent who is disengaged, aloof, and neglectful
- does not assume any responsibility for helping the child manage their feelings
- does not meet any of the core emotional needs
A
parent
31
Q
- an internalized parent who is extremely worried things will go wrong and is overwhelmed by expectations of catastrophe
- becomes overprotective and intrusive and prevents the individual from being autonomous, developing a sense of competency, or being spontaneous
A
parent
32
Q
- persistently positive, even in the face of genuine challenges and difficulties
- minimizes feelings which could invite criticism or rejection and avoids being assertive. Idealizes others but renounces them for betrayals.
- Excessively positive and always finds the silver lining in a way that invalidates real suffering
- May use platitudes like “everything happens for a reason”
- feels responsible for keeping others happy
A
overcompensate
33
Q
- requires special treatment and recognition of victim status
- surrenders to maladaptive schemas but does not allow the Vulnerable Child to access care, pushing others away with complaints that they do not and cannot understand
- Sullen, self-pitying, or martyred behavior
- resentful of being asked to undertake therapy or try to change things for oneself
- excuses and permits unhealthy coping strategies including addictions
A
surrender
34
Q
- the source of creativity, playfulness, and curiosity
- a subtype of the Happy Child Mode
- allows authentic engagement with life
A
healthy
35
Q
- an internalized parent who insists one cannot cope alone
- states it is not possible to make independent decisions or know what one is feeling
- maintains that it must be listened to so that it can provide guidance
A
parent
36
Q
- philosophizes and intellectualizes to detach self from emotions
- a subtype of the Detached Protector
- May seem excessively logical or rational rather than emotional
- may reference theories and other sources in order to evidence understanding of the self or situation
A
avoid
37
Q
- avoids direct expression of true vulnerabilities, instead suggesting they are powerless to change their suffering and others are not doing enough to help
- may have a resigned or victim tone
- believes responsibility for changing their situation lies outside of them and feels emotionally deprived by the failure of others to fix their problems
- seeks attention passively, e.g. by exaggerated withdrawal, submissiveness, hopelessness, self-denial, or complaint
- may say “yes, but” and avoid active change or genuine connection
A
surrender
38
Q
- suppresses uncomfortable feelings by neutralizing them with compulsive behaviors
- behaviors are repetitive and ritualistic
- these may be overt, e.g. cleaning, organizing, or checking
- they may also be covert, e.g. praying or repeating phrases or words
- the intention is to neutralize distressing or vulnerable feelings
A
overcompensate
39
Q
- provides apparently rational but ultimately inaccurate explanations of one’s own and other people’s behavior as a way of avoiding emotions
- may exclude feelings from conversation in a way that leaves others feeling invalidated or like they are not entitled to their emotions
A
overcompensate
40
Q
- uses perfectionism and excessive control over the body to compensate for a sense of shame, powerlessness, or guilt
- a focus on achievement, competitiveness, and control of the body and eating patterns is used to distance the self from vulnerability and distress
- emphasis on extremely high standards with the intention of avoiding criticism and shame
- can result in feelings of powerfulness, mastery, purity, or superiority
A
overcompensate
41
Q
- strives to achieve a sense of omnipotence based on moral or physical superiority
- views vulnerability as weakness
- seeks autonomy and avoids dependence
- attempts to overcome emotional and physical needs. In eating disorders, surviving each day with a low body weight promotes a sense of invulnerability
- may be rewarded with a sense of freedom and fun, and a “manic” energy
A
overcompensate
42
Q
- an internalized parent who is unstable, disorganized, frantic, emotionally labile, and unpredictable
- this mode is too lost in their own chaos to take their child into account
- experiencing this mode makes the Vulnerable Child constantly alert, frightened, and paralyzed
- no emotional needs are met, nor the need for realistic limits, safety, or stability
A
parent
43
Q
- the most disturbed and disturbing of the dysfunctional parent modes
- this parent mode is not capable of parenting and is severely emotionally disturbed
- this internalized parent mode humiliates, abuses, exploits, and intimidates the child modes
- it is unbearably cruel and intolerable to be around
- it is an extreme version of the Punitive Critic
- no core childhood needs can be met
A
parent
44
Q
- part of the Health Adult Mode (which may develop through therapy) which appropriately cares for and sets reasonable limits and expectations for oneself
- replaces the dysfunctional parent modes
- meets or finds healthy ways of meeting unmet core childhood needs, e.g. the need for nurturance, safety, or expression of feelings and needs
- cares for one’s physical and emotional well-being
A
healthy
45
Q
- feels lonely, sad, isolated, misunderstood, and excluded
- feels needy, hopeless, deprived, and unable to trust their own judgment
- feels lost and defeated
A
child
46
Q
- feels and expresses uncontrolled anger or rage in response to (perceived or real) injustice, mistreatment, humiliation, frustration, or abandonment
- may behave like a child having a tantrum - shouting, hitting, swearing, breaking, or throwing things, and balling fists
- while the feelings of injustice may be justified, the reaction is disproproportionately angry and uncontrolled
A
child
47
Q
- cannot force self to complete boring or routine tasks
- easily gets frustrated and gives up
A
child
48
Q
- characterized by spoiled, entitled behavior and no tolerance of limits
- lacks patience and becomes angry or frustrated if they do not get what they want immediately
- pushes boundaries, changes from topic to topic, drinks excessively, or uses drugs when the opportunity arises
- may engage in promiscuous sex
- loses interest easily
A
child
49
Q
- uses repetitive, addictive, compulsive, or self-stimulating behaviors to calm and soothe self, or exciting sensations to distance self from painful feelings
- may shop, eat, gamble, use drugs or alcohol, or have sex to escape painful feelings
A
avoid
50
Q
- uses a wall of anger to protect self from others perceived as threatening
- keeps others at a safe distance using controlled displays of anger
- may appear sullen, sulky, hostile, or withdrawn
- may speak very little or give one- or two-word answers, and deny anger despite this being communicated through body language
A
avoid
51
Q
- uses threats, intimidation, aggression, or coercion to get own way
- retaliates against others, asserts dominance, and takes sadistic pleasure in the attack
- may intimidate others subtly or obviously
- may threaten to use a weapon, raise voice, jab finger, stare others down, interrupt, or pace
- may throw things or slam doors to demonstrate that they are angry and not to be ignored
A
overcompensate
52
Q
- feels superior, special, or powerful. sees the world in terms of “top dog” and “underdog” and shows off or behaves in a self-important manner.
- Is concerned with appearance rather than feelings or real contact with other people
- Likes to present self in a positive manner and spends a lot of time on appearance and telling stories to highlight one’s own specialness
- can be arrogant and devaluing others and abhors the idea of being ordinary
A
overcompensate
53
Q
- an internalized parent who is more like a friend of the child
- holds the view that children should do as they like with minimal restrictions
- praises, admires, and aggrandizes the child, but does not set standards for self-regulation or discipline
- does not require the child to suspend immediate gratification for longer-term rewards or achievement
- does not set realistic limits
A
parent
54
Q
- an internalized parent who feels entitled and like others are to blame for their bad experiences
- uses their suffering to keep others tied to them
- depends on the Vulnerable Child Mode to feel safe, loved, and wanted
- when the Vulnerable Child tries to assert their rights, the Victim-like Parent is accusatory and reverts to emotional or sick-role behaviors to guilt the child back into their carer role
A
parent
55
Q
- expresses complaints in a way that implies a sense of victimization
- complains, whines, and demands in a dissatisfied way which others find aversive and which masks true feelings and needs
- implies others are not doing enough to assist but makes them feel powerless to help. The tone is of neediness, but help is rejected as inadequate.
- Reminiscent of the Angry Protector and the Poor Me/Self-Pity Victim
A
avoid
