mod 1-4

Question 1

Failing to do what I sense I should do for another person

Answer 1

Self-Betrayal

Question 2

The problem of not knowing I have a problem. At the heart of most conflicts (willful blindness to our role in the problem)

Answer 2

Self-Deception

Question 3

When we no longer see people with their own needs, challenges, and objectives.

Answer 3

In the box

Question 4

how to get out of the box

Answer 4

Seeing people for who they really are- as people with needs, challenges, and objectives as important as our own.

Question 5

Self betrayal steps:
Entering the box steps

Answer 5

1. Self Betrayal
2. I begin to see the world through a lens that justifies my self-betrayal
3. My view of reality becomes distorted
4. I enter the box
5. The box becomes characteristic of me that I carry around
6. I provoke others into the box
7. Collusion (mutual mistreatment and justifications)

Question 6

Self Betrayal /enter the box step 1

Answer 6

Act contrary to what I sense i should do for another person

Question 7

Self Betrayal /enter the box step 2

Answer 7

I begin to see the world through a lens that justifies my self-betrayal

Question 8

Self Betrayal /enter the box step 3

Answer 8

My view of reality becomes distorted

Question 9

Self Betrayal /enter the box step 4

Answer 9

I enter the box

Question 10

Self Betrayal /enter the box step 5

Answer 10

The box becomes characteristic of me that I carry around

Question 11

Self Betrayal /enter the box step 6

Answer 11

I provoke others into the box

Question 12

Self Betrayal /enter the box step 7

Answer 12

Collusion (mutual mistreatment and justifications to give each other reasons to stay in the box)

Question 13

Stages of learning

Answer 13

1. unconscious incompetence
2. Conscious incompetence
3. conscious competence
4. unconscious competence

Question 14

Learning stage 1.

Answer 14

Unconscious incompetence.

Question 15

Don’t know what you don’t know, can’t do what you can’t do

Answer 15

Unconscious incompetence.

Question 16

learning stage 2

Answer 16

Conscious incompetence.

Question 17

aware of what we can’t do, moving toward learning

Answer 17

Conscious incompetence.

Question 18

Learning stage 3

Answer 18

conscious competence

Question 19

Practice brings competence and learning

Answer 19

conscious competence

Question 20

learning stage 4

Answer 20

Unconscious competence

Question 21

habit of expectation
10,000 hour rule to become an expert

Answer 21

Unconscious competence

Question 22

learning strategy of Tony Robbins

Answer 22

Connect the unknown to the known

Question 23

Early family environment on conflict perception

Answer 23

A- Avoid, it’s terrible
B- battle to win at all costs
C- collaboratively solve

Question 24

Lens model of conflict interaction

Answer 24

Self
Other
Relationship

Question 25

Humans are listeners and storytellers

Answer 25

homo narrans

Question 26

Three argumentative stances (Brockriede)

Answer 26

Rape/ Bully Seducer/manipulator lover/team player

Question 27

In metaphorical argumentative stances, what are two motivators?

Answer 27

Power or Truth

Question 28

The three I's, you cannot have a positive resolution with

Answer 28

1. Inanimate- unable/unwilling to communicate 2. Illogical- out of control emotionally 3. Immoral- no ethics

Question 29

Stance in which one takes power, applies mental and physical sanctions, commands, and threats. victimizes. We can submit or fight back

Answer 29

Rape/ Bully/ abuser

Question 30

The same person is targeted repeatedly by someone who has significant, existing power due to relationship dynamics. Almost never a way to escape

Answer 30

Metaphorical molestation or tormentor

Question 31

Stance where the use of charms or lies to steer the situation, trick the person into assent. Indifferent to the harm of another person. You can submit or trick back

Answer 31

Seduction/ Manipulator

Question 32

Stance: Work together to solve the problem. Treated equally as a person. Willing to risk not winning and not being right. No one feels like a victim.

Answer 32

Love /Team player

Question 33

Conflict defined:

Answer 33

1. An expressed struggle 2. between interdependent parties 3. Who perceive incompatible goals 4. scarce resource 5. Interference achieving goals

Question 34

When interdependent parties express a struggle over perceived incompatible goals, scarce sources, and interference with achieving a goal:

Answer 34

Conflict occurs (defined)

Answer 35

retaliation,

Question 36

Gottman's Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Answer 36

criticism defensiveness stonewalling contempt

Question 37

Supportive climate

Answer 37

description problem oriented spontaneity openess empathy equiality provisionalism/flexible

Question 38

defensive climate

Answer 38

Evaluation control strategy neutrality/impersonal superiority certainty/fixation

Question 39

attacking character, dismantling their whole being

Answer 39

Criticism

Question 40

When feeling unjustly accused, start fishing for excuses. Not taking their partner's concerns seriously and not taking responsibility

Answer 40

Defensiveness

Question 41

With drawls from the interaction, shuts down, dosen't respond. Tune out, turn away, act busy, etc

Answer 41

Stonewalling

Question 42

Truely being mean- disrespect, mocking, sarcasism, ridicule, name calling. Make them feel despised and worthless. or assumes position of moral superiority.

Answer 42

Contempt

Question 43

stage between doing the wrong thing poorly to the right thing well

Answer 43

value of vulnerability

Answer 44

denial

Question 45

Perception of conflict helps us understand their emotional reaction, which leads to their behavior

Answer 45

Metaphor of conflicts helps....

Question 46

it compares two things that are different to deepen the level of understanding

Answer 46

metaphor/simile

Question 47

Arguers as lovers stances see relationships as ________ or _________

Answer 47

unilateral or bilateral

Question 48

genuine interaction

Answer 48

only available to lovers (open and given assent)

Question 49

at the core of all conflict analysis

Answer 49

perception

Question 50

internal strain that creates a state of ambivalence, conflicting internal dialogue, or lack of resolution in one’s thinking and feeling

Answer 50

intrApersonal conflict

Question 51

expressed struggles become activated by a

Answer 51

trigger event

Question 52

conflict in which parties have choices as opposed to conflict in which the power is so disparate that there are virtually no choices/ a “theory of precarious partnership”

Answer 52

strategic conflict

Question 53

stuck in unproductive interdependence

Answer 53

gridlocked conflicts

Question 54

any positively perceived physical, economic, or social consequence

Answer 54

a resource

Question 55

any limited positively perceived physical, economic, or social consequence

Answer 55

perceived scarce resource

Question 56

Two resources often perceived as scarce are: we often think the other person has more....

Answer 56

power and self-esteem

Question 57

family relationships vocab

Answer 57

family of origin chosen family destructive marital conflict

Question 58

the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships

Answer 58

emotional intelligence

Question 59

deliberate practice of “moment-to-moment, nonjudgmental awareness, cultivated by paying attention in a specific way, that is, in the present moment, and as nonreactively, as nonjudgmentally, and as open heartedly as possible

Answer 59

mindfulness

Question 60

If all participants are dissatisfied with the outcomes of a conflict and think they have lost as a result

Answer 60

Destructive conflicts.

Question 61

The first moments of a conflict interaction

Answer 61

critical start-up

Question 62

Continues to respond negatively to each other, intensifying as it continues...

Answer 62

Conflict Spiral

Question 63

three parts of the escalatory spirals

Answer 63

1. the behaviors, 2. the perceptions of others, 3. the perceptions of the relationship

Question 64

an active attempt to lessen dependence on each other. By making such an attempt, each party reduces the influence of the other on his or her choices. Both parties then become less invested in the relationship.

Answer 64

avodiance spirial

Question 65

“fight” patterns.

Answer 65

escalatory spirals

Question 66

one parter: opening discussion, dance around the topic asking questions "why" etc.. other partner: withdraws or minimizes

Answer 66

Attack/Withdraw Pattern /dance of intimacy

Question 67

Three kinds of reciprocity

Answer 67

(1) low-intensity emotion is responded to in kind (e.g., anger is met with anger), (2) high-intensity emotion is met in kind (e.g., fury is met with fury), and (3) low-intensity emotion is met with high-intensity emotion (e.g., hurt is met with rage)

Question 68

background system in which members avoided most conflict

Answer 68

Avoidant system

Question 69

background system members used cooperation

Answer 69

Collaboration system

Question 70

back ground style in which members engaged in overt yelling, calling of names, blaming, scapegoating, and similar aggressive moves.

Answer 70

Aggressive/Coercive Systems

Question 71

"the cognitive, ethical, and perceptual frames of an individual” whats important , how things are related to people, what is more important in the universe, how people should act, etc

Answer 71

Worldview

Question 72

intent does not equal

Answer 72

impact

Question 73

two kinds of cultures exist:

Answer 73

individual and collectivistic