midterm 1 Flashcards
mottos
- it’s okay to break up with nice decent people
- just because you love someone forever does not mean that you will like them every day
gospel framework on marriage
- GOAL: knowledge of our destination
- ATTITUDE: criteria to judge our circumstances
- ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE: perspective through the process
covenant marriage
- covenant between individuals and God, blessings unattainable in worldly marriages
- 100% from both partners (not 50%)
- more than just mutual benefit (family, eternal blessings)
- it’s not really about you .. at all
elder bednar quote abt ultimate happiness
“…received through the making and honoring of eternal marriage covenants.”
marriage as a social institution
something that makes life organized and helps distribute resources - but marriage is slowly losing its institution state (deinstitutionalization)
major culture changes that influence marriage
- cohabitation
- individualism
- romanticism
romanticism
- unrealistic expectations
- soulmate belief
- companionate marriage
individualism
- individualized marriage: maximizing personal rewards and minimizing personal sacrifices
doctrine vs. council
doctrine: formalized beliefs issued from the church, official church position
council: guiding teachings and suggestions from inspired general leaders intended for the whole world
stages of gospel dating
- group dating (16+)
- paired-off dating (young adulthood)
- long-term/marital dating (after paired off to find marital partner)
gospel aspects of dating
- partner selection
- appropriate behavior
- centrality of marriage
marital virtues
- friendship
- loyalty
- genorosity
- fairness
two types of commitment
- constraint commitment (have to)
- personal dedication (want to)
three types of constraint commitment
- perceived constraint - social pressure
- material constraint - stuff
- felt constraint - feeling trapped
how does religion influence commitment
- internal testimony (buffered dissatisfaction)
- religious behaviors (decreased alternative seeking
- CLEAVING
stewardships in equal partnerships
equal partnership doesn’t mean that everything is equally divided, but that the stewardships are well communicated and delegated
gender idealogies
- irrelevant gender - no differences between genders
- independence - men and women should be completely independent of each other
- separateness - men and women are basically two different species
four constructs of true partnership
- discipleship - learning from each other
- divine institution - understanding stewardships & family roles
- covenant - commitment
- cleaving - sticking together
two myths to avoid
- tradition myth : marriage = hierarchy
- liberal myth : marital equality = sameness
issues lds couples face with sexual intimacy
- from worst to best
- only focusing on the “don’t”s of chastity instead of the “do”s
sexual wholeness model
physical, emotional, and spiritual
family of origin - tree metaphor
- families are the soil
- roots are intentional, why decide what we want to absorb from our families
how do family experiences indirectly influence marital outcomes
experiences —> marital attitudes —> relational behavior —> outcomes
types of family effects
- indirect effects: the observations we make that are internalized (much more common)
- direct effects: direct conversations about marriage/relationships with our families (much more powerful)
intergenerational transmission
acquiring attitudes and values from parents or other family members to be transmitted to the next generation
demographic risk factors (ex. divorce)
- we all have them
- think traffic signs - warning you for what’s coming
- never deal breakers
attachment
ability and anxiety surrounding getting close to others
two types of attachment
- anxiousness - desire for closeness and worry that a partner won’t fulfill needs
- avoidant - discomfort w closeness and dependence on others
attachment & marital outcomes
insecure: increased likelihood of singleness and divorce
secure: increased satisfaction, stability, better communication & processes
self-worth
perception of your own value to yourself, others, & society
- aka self-esteem, body image, life satisfaction, perceived competence, identity
- negative self talk
- comparison stress
romantic perfectionism
rigid and unrealistic expectations for yourself in relationships
two types of readiness
objective: the same for everyone (regardless of partner/relationship)
subjective: different for everyone (personal feelings, influence by partner)
addiction
the compulsive need to do something
three aspects of relationship formation
- initial attraction
- mutual evaluation
- beginning commitment
good flirting
- validation !!!
- can be anything, what matters is context
- non-verbal flirting is most powerful
bad flirting
- slimy approach: physical focus
- bad hygiene: look & smell
- lack of focused interest: too many people
three aspects of relationship growth
- deepening commitment
- establishment of interpersonal processes
- evaluations of partner and relationship
four areas of relationship progression (dials)
- knowing
- trust
- commitment
- touch
obstacles to relationship progression
- asymmetrical commitment
- sliding
- self-ejection
