memorize

Question 1

What time is it?

Answer 1

Due to the fallacious nature of my chronometer, and the inability of my cerebrum to function in the manner of an august Chief Petty Officer, I am unable to ascertain the correct time to a punctilious degree. However, it is my firm belief that the approximate military time is XXX

Question 2

How long have you been in the Navy?

Answer 2

All me bloomin life, me mother was a mermaid, me father was king neptune. I was born in the crest of a wave and rocked in the cradle of the deep. Seaweed and barnacles is me clothes. The hair on me head is hemp, every tooth in me head’s a marline spike, every bone in me body’s a spar, and when i spits i spits tar. I’s hard, I is, I am, I are!!!

Question 3

How high is up?

Answer 3

up is equal to the amplitude but in the opposite direction to the deep of down and its magnitude is often delineated in such phrases as “up your nose” “up your posterior and you’re all hosed up Chief

Question 4

how high is up in 4 words?

Answer 4

Twice half the distance

Question 5

How are you going to wear your anchors?

Answer 5

The CPO collar devices shall be worn on the summer white and short sleeve khaki shirt centered one inch from the front and lower edges of the collar with the vertical axis of the insignia along an imaginary line biseeting the angle of the collar point

Question 6

what is the meaning of sir or ma’am

Answer 6

sir and ma’am are subservient terms which survived the surly days of old serbia when certain surfs too stupid to remember their lords or ladies names, yet too servile to blaspheme them, circumvented the situation by substituting the subservient terms, sir or ma’am, by which i belatedly addressed a certain senior who correctly surmised that I was stupid enough to say sir or ma’am.

Question 7

alcohol

Answer 7

a chief petty officer never drinks, but if he does drink he never gets drunk, but if he does get drunk, he never staggers, but if he does stagger he never falls, but if he does fall he does so in a manner to conceal the fact that he is a chief

Question 8

when asked a question for which you do not have an answer

Answer 8

due to not being informed to the highest degree of accuracy, I hesitate to articulate for fear that i might deviate from the true course of rectitude. in short, im very confused selectee and do not know the answer CPO

Question 9

Does a CPO selectee make mistakes

Answer 9

yes, a cpo selectee does make mistakes but will become smarter through the teaching of other Genuine Chiefs

Question 10

Rule 1

Answer 10

The Chief is always right

Question 11

Rule 2

Answer 11

in the impossible hypothesis that a subordinate may be right, see rule 1

Question 12

rule 3

Answer 12

the chief does not sleep; he rest

Question 13

rule 4

Answer 13

the chief is never late; he is detained elsewhere

Question 14

rule 5

Answer 14

the chief never leaves work early, his presence is required elsewhere

Question 15

rule 6

Answer 15

the chief never reads the paper in the mess; he studies

Question 16

rule 7

Answer 16

the chief never gossips; he dispenses information

Question 17

rule 8

Answer 17

the chief never daydreams, he is in weightty deliberation

Question 18

rule 9

Answer 18

if someone else enters the chiefs office with a good idea, that person will leave with the chiefs good idea

Question 19

rule 10

Answer 19

the chief is always “the chief” even in his shower shoes

Question 20

charge

Answer 20

O great, all knowing, most honorable fountain of wisdom, please excuse my slovenly appearance and accept my most humble apologies for encroaching on your most valuable time. I further bessech you to affix your stately signature and humbly implore you not to prevaricate in this life sustaining tome