Memoir Flashcards
“woah, shes pretty”
“Woah, she’s pretty.” I thought to myself. Her beautiful blonde hair blew in the harsh wind of the field trip as her striking bluey-green eyes flicked across the arid scenery and landed on me momentarily. That was the first time I saw her.
my wifes beautiful
My wife’s beautiful black hair sat comfortably on her shoulders as her deep brown eyes gaze into my soul. I can’t thank her enough for showing me what it feels like to be truly loved, flaws and all, and I’m so grateful for helping her me grow and prosper.
a couple months
A couple months after I had initially seen her that day, I finally had the courage one night in August to let her know my greatest wish, and luckily (so I thought), she reciprocated. The first months of that relationship really were something out of a movie. We would try to squeeze in time to see each other any second we had free time together and I loved it. Being with her made me feel safe, and it finally made me feel whole. One time, after we had finished playing with her little brothers she ran and jumped on my chest. She had bruised one of my ribs, but I didn’t care. That was the first time I knew I loved her. They say ignorance is bliss, and it really was. I was blissfully unaware because I was wearing rose tinted glasses.
the curtain finally
The curtain finally dropped on December 9th, but my rose-tinted glasses never came off. Cries of desperation filled my phone, “I can’t do this anymore. I’m empty. There’s no point.” followed by silence. Her mental health was ruined, and I had only just realised how much, then. I blamed myself for the way she felt, and that was wrong, but fifteen-year-old Sam didn’t know that. I was so in love with her I wanted to do absolutely everything in my power to make sure that something like that night would never happen again. And so, once she saw that I was wrapped around her finger, she started to change, both her and I.
my wife showed
My wife showed me that it’s never your fault for the way someone else feels, and that their life is their life, nothing more. What they do with it is up to them, and you can only control what you can control, and you have to be at peace with that. Truthfully, I still feel the way I did that night sometimes, and I am at peace with that, because I’m still young and I have the right person with me.
the first changes
The first changes were subtle, a radical new hairstyle for her and some colourful new vocabulary. The next ones were not. I was told that I wasn’t allowed to have feelings because it made her “feel bad”. I would try relentlessly to set up cute days out and always made sure that if she needed to talk she could. But I was shut down. Time and time again. It was demoralising, but my rose-tinted glasses never came off. I was too attached to see what she was doing to me was wrong.
now, my wife
Now, my wife sits down with me and talks to me. She makes sure I feel heard and seen and allows me to do what I need to be okay and supports me in doing so. We compromise for each other, and she taught me that if you ever have to bend your morals for someone else, they’re not the one for you, because if they’re the right person, they’ll stay.
it was 11:36
It was 11:36 on a Saturday night. I was bawling to my mum because I didn’t want the relationship to be over for talking to one of her friends. I had said anything and everything I could to keep this girl in my life and she agreed to stay.
That was the first time I knew it wasn’t going to work. I stayed regardless, taking the brunt of abuse because I didn’t want her to try and kill herself again.
mum really did
Mum really did her best trying to steer my in the right direction, and I appreciate her for that, and I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to her sooner. “Sam, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. I have never seen you so upset about something that in no way, shape or form is your fault.” Her pleas for me to leave her fell on deaf ears. My rose-tinted glasses never came off. I somehow thought the way she felt was always my fault, and the only way to make her feel better was to change myself to make her happy.
my wife taught
My wife taught me that real love isn’t something that is perfect, because nothing can ever be so. But that in the face of hardship, it doesn’t turn into a war against each other, but a battle together against the problem. I know now that it’s not usually my fault if someone in my life is upset, because everyone’s life is just as complex as mine and I’m not the root of everyone’s problems like I thought I was when I was younger.
it was may
It was May 13th, and she was out with her friends, drinking. One of her close friends told me that I was a controlling bitch and that I should kill myself because my girlfriend could find someone better in a heartbeat.
That night broke me. And still, my rose-tinted glasses never came off. I was too terrified of the thought of being alone that I stayed, because back then I thought that being with someone abusive was a better option.
that night shaped
That night shaped who I am today. Although it was unbearable and extremely difficult, it was life-altering, and I’m glad it happened. If that situation never happened, I would never know what it’s like to give the wrong person so many chances and I would never know that there are some things that people can do that are just unforgivable.
it was april
It was April 20th, and we were sitting on the end of her bed. We had been going through the motions for the past few months, hanging on to the skeletons of our past together, praying that it would somehow work out. We both knew it wouldn’t. After a few hours of talking and confessions she told me that she was embarrassed to be associated with me because of my hobbies and friends.
That was the last time I ever had a proper conversation with her.
10 years later
10 years later I’m glad my rose-tinted glasses never came off. I’m grateful for that relationship, but I’m so very glad that it ended. It showed me that in life, others happiness is not the purpose. My amazing wife taught me that your own happiness is the most important thing in life, and that sacrificing it for someone else is the most detrimental thing you can do.
the relationship made
The relationship made me realise that happiness is a mindset and isn’t something tangible that can be given or curated. It’s something that a person feels when they are truly ready to feel it and never any sooner. It also taught me that everything in your life happens for a reason, and even if you can’t see the reason then, it doesn’t mean its meaningless. They said hindsight is 20-20, and I would agree, but just because your mistakes are made clear, doesn’t mean they didn’t happen for a reason.
