Madge Flashcards
Felix: Greetings and salutations
Madge: what country,friend is this?
Felix: it is Illyria, lady.
Madge: “my brother, he is in elysium. Perchance he is not drowned! What think you, sailor?
Felix: not you, you idiot, Aggie. I’ve been in love with her since I was, uh oh, there’s my wife.
Madge: keep talking darling. It will sound so wonderful when it is repeated in court.
Aggie: how was your time off?
Madge: luxurious. We went to the spa. Felix hated it.
Felix: there was nothing to eat or drink and we had to do some Buddhist exercise.
Madge: it’s called yoga
Felix: I thought that was the white pudding stuff.
Madge: that was yoghurt.
Aggie: I can’t get over this place, can you?
Madge: he said it was something, but I had no idea.
Felix: and I repeat, the man is insane.
Madge: he builds an awfully nice house, though. It would be excellent for a murder.
Simon: why a murder
Madge: it’s isolated. There are loads of rooms for hiding the body, and it’s on a river so you can drown people. What more do you want, an ax?
Aggie: William
Madge: Willie-boy
Gillette: “to sleep no more.”
Madge: FAULT! You repeated “sleep.” Game. Set. And match to Felix.
Felix: my God I love you
Madge: of course you do
Martha: Hello darlings, I’ve brought some bubbly so we can really celebrate.
Madge: now you’re talking.
Felix: that’s a wonderful guess, Simon but it’s wrong.
Madge: Henry the fifth
Felix: of course
Madge: “once more unto the breach dear friends, once more, or close the wall up with our English dead.”
Felix: “I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, straining upon the stars.”
Madge & Felix: THE GAME’S AFOOT
Felix: but what does it mean?
Madge: it means whoever is trying to kill you is seriously crazy.
Gillett: an impression pressed into the paper when it’s manufactured.
Madge: a sort of advertisement. Hotels do it, and businesses.
Simon: what
Madge: where is it from
Felix: the palace theater
Madge: Oh no!
Aggie: I’m not following
Madge: it means whoever wrote this has access to the theaters stationary. It means they worked at our theater.
Gillett: ladies and gentlemen to the sniper, cheers.
All: cheers/ merry Christmas to us
Simon: Aggie and I are married
Madge: what?
Aggie: no, married, four weeks ago
Madge: oh Simon/ Aggie
Martha: did you really? I hear it’s expensive.
Madge: her husband was quiet well off.
Felix: I’m a lugubrious sort of way.
Madge: don’t you start. Martha’s right. You have to face up to life. No matter we what the world throws at you, no matter how difficult it can get sometimes. You just have to say to hell with the bastards and go on living.
Simon: here, here
Madge: to the happy couple
Felix: …. Followed by a lump of roast beef.
Madge: she said I played Hamlets mother looking like a worried hamster.
Daria: … how I looked up to you with all your years of experience
Madge: and yet my friends and I called you “mother”
Daria: now stop it! That’s impossible, you didn’t have any friends.
Madge: I had Felix.
Daria: … and poor you it must have been quiet upsetting.
Madge: I bet you don’t know they’re married now.
Daria: its like I invented you just for the purpose
Madge: we’d rather you wrote about the play and not us.
Daria: at your theater last night. Not at the murder of course
Madge: but there’s no show on at the moment
Gillett: that would be very comforting, indeed, except his throat was cut from ear to ear with a razor blade.
Madge: there’s a storm brewing.
Gillett: let’s leave the doors open so we can hear the music, shall we?
Madge: (quietly) are we still going to go through with it
Felix: now get the cards so we can play bridge
Madge: I vote for pinochle
Martha: oh, willie.
Madge: here he goes again
Felix: you are really creepy
Madge: be quiet!
Felix: life imitates art
Madge: isn’t that comforting
Felix: good, good.
Madge: shhhhhhhhh!
Felix: I think we should put a stop to this-
Madge: oh don’t be a baby
Gillett: …. Confess it I beg you…. No one
Madge: well
Gillett: …. Confess it I beg you…. No one
Madge: well
Others: AHHHHHH
Madge: that didn’t work very well, now did it?
Gillett: it was a good try, though.
Madge: except now we are going to get yelled at, I can feel it.
Felix: Madge?????
Madge: I’m sorry, darling. It was his idea. And we had this knife leftover from the Maid of Turkey, and the blood was from Titus-
Felix: you mean to tell me this was a joke
Madge: well not a joke, exactly-
Felix: don’t touch me you idiot
Madge: Oh, darling-
Gillett: excuse me, but someone is trying to kill me and I’d like to stop them before it’s too late
Madge: I’m sorry, darling I really am I was simply trying to help
Daria: that he made love to me in a New York hotel room
Felix:….. one night, big mistake, no fun at all.
Madge: slaps Felix
Aggie: Simon you know it’s not true….Simon
Madge runs off stage
Gillett: a quiet evening with a few retiring friends
Madge: holy hell in a hand basket. That is just lovely, now a policeman wants to talk to me about a murder. Are you the policeman?
Inspector: yes I am, actually.
Madge: Good! Arrest my husband!
Inspector: I beg your pardon
Madge: Arrest him! He’s as guilty as sin. & of sin as it happens, the charge is adultery.
Felix: Madge would you stop it!
Madge: well it’s true isn’t it. You stood right here and admitted it in front of everybody!
Felix: well what was I supposed to do?
Madge: you could have lied like every other husband on the planet!
Felix: look at me I’m catatonic and I’m scary my husband to death
Madge: I did it to stole the mystery, didn’t I?
Felix:well it didn’t work now did it?
Madge: but it could have
Felix: ladies and gentlemen the academy award this year goes to Madge Geisel for vomiting blood on her fellow guest this weekend.
Madge: slaps Felix
Felix: excuse me but I would know if my wife was missing or not and she is definitely missing
Madge: who’s missing
Felix: oh thank God! Madge, where have you been?
Madge: I was in the kitchen getting a snack.
Felix: you should have told me
Madge: that I was hungry?
Inspector: who’s Daria
Madge: Daria Chase, the columnist.
Felix: she left after you all went to bed.
Madge: in this weather?
Felix: women do
Madge: she’d never leave here without her handbag. That’s impossible.
Aggie: perhaps someone should look in her room
Madge: I’ll go
Act 2 scene 2
Madge: I guess this means we’re not exchanging presents tonight….
Inspector: I’m afraid it isn’t over, Mr. Bright. Miss Chase has been murdered and I have been lied to.
Madge: did you dispose of the body like they do in the mysteries?
Felix: we put her in the greenhouse next ti a very beautiful orchid. She looks rather holy.
Madge: well that’s a first.
Gillett: …. BECAUSE IM TRYING TO THINK
Madge: WE GOT IT!
Felix: WE GOT IT
Madge: WE KNOW WHODUNIT
Felix: What a team we make
Madge: like Astair and Rogers
Felix: Nock and Nora
Madge: Sacco & Vanzetti
Felix: you know, we could do this professionally.
Madge: we’re awfully good at it
Inspector: what are you talking about
Felix: we solved the murder
Madge: it’s all wrapped up
Felix: don’t try to thank us
Inspector: but you are suspect’s yourselves
Madge: not anymore. we figured it out!
Felix: …. All the murders and attempted murder
Madge: working backwards, that includes, Daria, Noggs, You, and Hugo.
Felix: so who are the suspects? The people I this house, right?
Madge: ussens
Felix: but.
Madge: BUT!
Felix: or hiring someone to kill her son
Madge: then killing Noggs?
Felix: with a razor blade
Inspector: all right, I give.
Madge: now, what about you? Did you do it?
Felix: so now we’re down to four suspects. Let’s start with us. Did you do it, darling?
Madge: No my love, and you?
Inspector: but those are denials! They carry no weight whatsoever!
Felix: EXCEPT.
Madge: EXCEPT!
Felix: for Noggs
Madge: Good Ol Noggsy
Felix: he was killed last night and we were staying at my sisters house in Rhinebeck last night.
Madge: We have 10 witnesses
Felix: he and Daria met at Killington. They both said so. But she said she left before Hugo died
Madge: and he said he arrived there after the killing-in response to Aggies call for help.
Gillett: so he could murder Hugo and get away with it
FELIX & MADGE: BINGO
Felix: and Daria knew all of this because she happened to be at killington and saw him
Madge: so she became a threat to Simon and he had to kill her
Gillett: so do I.
Madge: so do I! He missed, right?
Inspector: …. Let it ricochet twice around the theatre and have it come between his testicles
Madge: you don’t understand do you. This man missed entirely. He was shoot at Aggie, he missed her, and the bullet hit Willie.
Inspector: ingenious! But why on earth was be shooting at Aggie?
All: Tamsin
Inspector: Tamsin?
Madge: Simon has a girlfriend
Gillett: ….. he’s in love with Tamsin. Solution:
All: Kill Aggie
Gillett/ Inspector: gave it to her.
Madge: so if i may recap, from the beginning, just once
Felix: Go
Madge: Simon is in love with Tamsin and he’s friends with Aggie
Gillette: so Simon who is ambitious
Madge: and a sociopath
Felix: so he leave a a note making it look like Gillette was the intended victim
Madge: but
Felix: but! Noggs overheard Simon hiring someone to kill Aggie
Madge: and whoever it is, misses Aggie, his intended victim, and hits our beloved leader here.
Felix: and blackmails Simon
Madge: so he stabs her in the back!
Martha: she’s going to be fine, thank God.
Madge: Martha, have you seen Simon around?
Inspector: possibly
Madge: wait a second was Aggie with him?
Gillette: you go out the French doors and surround them
Madge: Wait! I think we should make lots of noise so he knows we’re coming and thinks twice about hurting her.
Inspector: that’s excellent
Madge: AYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYE
Inspector: I’ll go round front
Madge: we’ll take the lawn
Gillette: AMAZING
Madge: Aggie. Who would have guessed.
Felix: well I did, actually.
Madge: what do you mean
Felix; …… I had a feeling she was up to something
Madge: I thought you were out here fooling around with Daria.
Felix: Madge, me?
Madge: I’m sorry, willie were you in love with her?
Felix: present mirth hath present laughter
Madge: what’s to come is still unsure
Gillette: then come kiss me sweet and twenty
Madge: youth’s a stuff will not endure.
Gillette: Yes!
Madge: Felix! Be careful!
Felix: oh it’s not and I’ll prove it
Madge: DON’T
