LIKING AND LOVING Flashcards
what are our motivations for liking and loving ? (5)
need to belong - health benefits, adaptive benefit to developing a network to fall back on during hard times
need for affiliation - desire to establish social contact with other - can be cyclical - our emotions regulate through being with others - then we can be alone, until we feel the desire to reconnect
stress reduction - desire to connect with people who face similar threats to us based on utility (ex. if we are embarrassed, we may just want to be alone - compared to if we are preparing for a surgery, we might seek out advice from people who have also had the surgery)
cognitive clarity - to gain information ( same as stress reduction )
loneliness - connect to just NOT BE LOELY - can be hard for people who are SHY bc they tend to have unrewarding interactions with others - at risk of deprivation
what is the precursor to attraction ? what is attraction ?
precursor to attraction is affiliation - attraction as any force that draw people together
describe LIKING. What is our motivation for liking ? who do we tend to like ?
people want to be liked to BELONG and to FEEL IMPORTANT - we generally like people who provide us with MAX cost and MIN reward
described how FAMILIARITY leads to liking . what is the proximity effect ?
we are going to be attracted to people we have SEEN and become FAMILIAR WITH
the proximity effect - precursor to attraction, need to be near a person to become close with them - SINGLE BEST PREDICTOR OF WHETHER TWO PEOPLE WILL GET TOGETHER
REPEATED EXPOSURE, psychology of inevitability
the more people see a stimulus, the stronger their attitude will increase towards it
how does similarity lead to attraction? why?
people surround themselves with those who are similar to them(demographic, interest)
we tend to avoid those dissimilar to us - are apathetic to those with low similarity, and will have continued contact to those who we are similar to
PROVIDE US WITH SOCIAL VALIDATION
(wow they must be really smart, because WE are really smart)
perceived similarity is enough
how does competency lead to attraction? what is the pratfall effect ? (study)
we like being close with competent people (rewarding - makes us look good)
but can be A THREAT if they are MORE component than us in areas that matter - making us feel INADEQUATE by comparison. we don’t love the perfect friend
pratfall effect - IF A PERSON IS PERFECT - and has one little flaw, or a minor imperfection - this makes them MORE ATTRACTIVE - more human
ex.
perfect candidate vs. average candidate
half of each spill coffee on self
HIGHEST RATED CANDIDATE - the superior spiller
LOWEST RATED - the average spiller
what about physical attractiveness ? what is the matching hypothesis ? object beauty ? subjective beauty ? bias toward beauty ?
attractiveness matters to both sexes
matching hypothesis: similarity of the attractiveness of the partners is CRUCIAL in staying together longterm
people associate BEAUTIFUL WITH GOOD
indicators of HEALTH (smooth skin, average features, direct gaze) tend to be markers of objective beauty
‘average features’ - features that are not far from average in a culture
subjective beauty - beauty in the eye of the beholder (or cultural influences at the time)
bias towards beauty ?
REWARDING TO BE IN THE COMPANY OF SOMEONE ATTRACTIVE
HALO EFFECT (associating beauty with other good things - WHEN VIOLATED VERY UPSETTING)
what about reciprocity in regards to liking and loving ? what about the role of security ?
strongest determinant of whether we will like someone
insecure people - will accept ANYONE WHO EXPRESSES INTEREST, or seek out LESS attractive person to diminish the chance of rejection
secure people - MORE SELECTIVE
what about the paradox of choice?
DISSONANCE - did i make the right choice of about 2000 ?
will be less happy with the choices they make, even if their choices match what they want from a relationship/career
what about the effects of praise and favours ? what about the justification of favour ?
we LIKE GENUINE PRAISE - if we think the person is being DECEPTIVE or CONDESCENDING we will find them less attractive
we also like people who do us favours BUT NOT WHEN THERE IS STRINGS ATTACHED
justification of favour - get someone to do something for YOU - and tell them thanks - question WHY DID I JUST DO THAT - well i only do favour for my friends, so…… they MUST BE MY FRIEND
what about the gain loss theory of attraction ?
we PREFER A GAIN - over a constant or a loss
in regards to relationships - we will PREFER RANDOM PRAISE FROM A STRANGER (gain) then CONSTANT PRAISE FROM OUR BF (constant)
in addition, we will DISLIKE someone who starts to not like us, MORE THAN a person who has always disliked us (LOSS)
WILL LIKE A PERSON MOST WHEN THEY START BY DISLIKING YOU AND THEN COME TO LIKE
WILL HATE A PERSON THE MOST when they start liking you and then come to dislike you
NEEDS TO BE A GRADUAL SEQUENCE - implies true change of heart
communal vs. exchange relationships ?
exchange - KEEPING SCORE FOR THE SAKE OF EQUIT Y
communal - each contributing what they can - feeling of TRUST and CARE for the other person
intimate relationships are communal
sternberg’s triangular theory of love
there are THREE PARTS to relationships (not all of them need all three, but the ideal romantic relationship should have)
- INTIMACY: emotional component (liking - loving)
- PASSION: motivational component (sexual desire)
- COMMITMENT: cognitive component ( DECISION for long term commitment)
PASSIONATE LOVE ? what particular concept can be involved in this ?
- AROUSAL
- strong emotions, sexual desire, preoccupation with beloved (attributing this to the ‘loved’ person)
- EXCITATION TRANSFER - attributing external arousal to arousal caused by that person (seeing a scary movie on a first date)
companionate love ?
no as intense but DEEPER - enduring stable
trust, caring, friendship, commitment
self-disclosure (willingness to share intimate facts- feelings)
deepens over time
