Lesson 2: Different Types of Manners

Question 1

Hadith of the messenger ﷺ dividing manners into good manners and bad manners

Answer 1

• 📖 خْبَرَنَا عَمْرُو بْنُ عُثْمَانَ بْنِ سَعِيدٍ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا شُرَيْحُ بْنُ يَزِيدَ الْحَضْرَمِيُّ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنِي شُعَيْبُ بْنُ أَبِي حَمْزَةَ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنِي مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ الْمُنْكَدِرِ، عَنْ جَابِرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم إِذَا اسْتَفْتَحَ الصَّلاَةَ كَبَّرَ ثُمَّ قَالَ ‏ “‏ إِنَّ صَلاَتِي وَنُسُكِي وَمَحْيَاىَ وَمَمَاتِي لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ لاَ شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَبِذَلِكَ أُمِرْتُ وَأَنَا مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ اللَّهُمَّ اهْدِنِي لأَحْسَنِ الأَعْمَالِ وَأَحْسَنِ الأَخْلاَقِ لاَ يَهْدِي لأَحْسَنِهَا إِلاَّ أَنْتَ وَقِنِي سَيِّئَ الأَعْمَالِ وَسَيِّئَ الأَخْلاَقِ لاَ يَقِي سَيِّئَهَا إِلاَّ أَنْتَ ‏”‏ ‏.‏> It was narrated that Jabir bin Abdullah said:“When the Prophet (ﷺ) started to pray, he would say the takbir, then say: ‘Inna salati wa nusuki wa mahyaya wa mamati lillahi rabbil-alamin, la sharika lahu, wa bidhalika umirtu wa ana min al-muslimin. Allahummahdini liahsanil-amali wa ahsanil-akhlaqi la yahdi li ahsaniha illa anta wa qini sayy’al-a’mali wa sayy’al-ahaqi la yaqi sayy’aha illa ant. (Indeed my salah (prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of all that exists. He has no partner. And of this I have been commanded, and I am one of the Muslims. O Allah, guide me to the best of deeds and the best of manners, for none can guide to the best of them but You. And protect me from bad deeds and bad manners, for none can protect against them but You.) “
  • We seen the messenger ﷺ divide manners into 2: Good manners and Bad manners, and this definition is far more powerful and relevenant than any scholar of language, as he ﷺ divided Akhlaq
  • He ﷺ told us none can guide us perfect them but Allah ﷻ

Question 2

Statement of ‘AbdQaahir ibn Abdurahman al Jorjani (471 AH) onn the technical meaning of manners

Answer 2

• عبارة عن هيئة للنفس راسخة تصدر عنها الأفعال بسهولة ويسر من غير حاجة إلى فكر وروية، فإن كان الصادر عنها الأفعال الحسنة كانت الهيئة خلقا حسنا، وإن كان الصادر منها الأفعال القبيحة سمّيت الهيئة التي هي مصدر ذلك خلقا سيئا)> {Manners:} It is a state firmly established in the soul, from which actions effortlessly and smoothly emerge without the need for thought and consideration. If the actions that emerge from it are good, the state is called good manners. If the actions that emerge from it are bad, the state is called bad manner.
  • This is very similar to the linguistic definition
  • Your actions come from the situation/description of your soul
  • Manners are innate; actions that come about without thought or planning-easy
  • You judge a person’s manners from their actions: if they’re good, then its good manners, otherwise we call it bad manners
  • We will also discuss bad manners, as learning about such things is important as seen in the hadith:

Question 3

Hadith about Hudayfah Ibn Yaman on the types of question he would ask and how it related to studying manners

Answer 3

• حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ الْمُثَنَّى، حَدَّثَنَا الْوَلِيدُ بْنُ مُسْلِمٍ، حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ جَابِرٍ، حَدَّثَنِي بُسْرُ بْنُ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ الْحَضْرَمِيُّ، أَنَّهُ سَمِعَ أَبَا إِدْرِيسَ الْخَوْلاَنِيَّ، أَنَّهُ سَمِعَ حُذَيْفَةَ بْنَ الْيَمَانِ، يَقُولُ كَانَ النَّاسُ يَسْأَلُونَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَنِ الْخَيْرِ، وَكُنْتُ أَسْأَلُهُ عَنِ الشَّرِّ، مَخَافَةَ أَنْ يُدْرِكَنِي> Narrated Hudhaifa bin Al-Yaman:The people used to ask Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) about the good but I used to ask him about the evil lest I should be overtaken by them.
  • We will also discuss bad manners, as learning about such things is important as seen in the hadith
  • this is not trying the evil as some people like parents do to show their children, but rather this is to learn about it so we can avoid it

Question 4

Hadith on how knowledge comes thats attributed to both the messenger ﷺ and Abu Darda

Answer 4

إِنَّمَا الْعِلْمُ بِالتَّعَلُّمِ وَإِنَّمَا الْحِلْمُ بِالتَّحَلُّمِ وَمَنْ يَتَوَخَّ الْخَيْرَ يُعْطَهُ وَمَنْ يَتَوَقَّ الشَّرَّ يُوقَهُ

> Raja’ ibn Haywah reported: Abu Darda, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “Verily, knowledge only comes by learning and forbearance only comes by cultivating forbearance. Whoever aims for good will receive goodness and whoever seeks to evade evil will be protected from it.”

• الْحِلْمُ is a type of manners-forbearance, not being quick to take revenge, being gentle, not taking revenge, someone who lets things goes even if theyre done to him
• بِالتَّحَلُّمِ shows us Akhlaq can be learned and develop and can be changed.

Question 5

What can we call manners? (this is divided but its not what’s being asked)

Answer 5

• Good manners and Bad manners | الأخلاق الحسنة والأخلاق السيئة
• Praiseworthy manners and Blameworthy manners | الأخلاق المحمودة والأخلاق المذمومة (this is just a type of categorizing the Shaykh me

Question 6

What is manners divided into?

Answer 6

1. Innate, from your nature (such as being a person who is quick to get angry, or always scared etc)
2. that which comes habits and training

It IS possible to improve your manners, your nature may be that you quickly get angry, but with training, building habits, forethought and planning you may become one who is patient, generous etc.

Question 7

Ayah proving that manners can be changed:

Answer 7

• إِنَّا عَرَضْنَا ٱلْأَمَانَةَ عَلَى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَٱلْجِبَالِ فَأَبَيْنَ أَن يَحْمِلْنَهَا وَأَشْفَقْنَ مِنْهَا وَحَمَلَهَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنُ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ ظَلُومًۭا جَهُولًۭا> Truly, We did offer Al-Amânah (the trust or moral responsibility or honesty and all the duties which Allâh has ordained) to the heavens and the earth, and the mountains, but they declined to bear it and were afraid of it (i.e. afraid of Allâh’s Torment). But man bore it. Verily, he was unjust (to himself) and ignorant (of its results).[2]
  • Allah tells us intrinsic state of Mankind, how we are if we don’t have the guidance of Islam, purifying and developing themselves personally and spiritually though Islam that we are in a state of Dhulm (oppression). A part of oppression is bad manners, it’s the essence of it. Bad manners to Allah ﷻ, to creation, to what Allah has commanded you to be good to. And bad manners come from Jahl (ignorance). So Oppression and ignorance encompass bad manners. And these bad manners can be the nature of mankind.
  • the opposite of ignorance is knowledge-with knowledge of righteous manners and beneficial manners.
  • The opposite of oppression is differed by the scholars some did say justice, but in terms of a person’s behavior, the thing that removes it is Tazkiyyah-purifying yourself of that oppression, and this means changing your bad manners into good manners.