Kewpie Act I

Question 1

Clara: Besides, darling, if you go bankrupt, who’ll pay my poker debts?

Answer 1

(Enter) Where’s my pal, Ben?

Question 2

Clara: Your pal Ben is around the corner in the barber shop.

Answer 2

O.K. Do me a favor, Gussie

Question 3

Don’t call me Gussie.

Answer 3

I left my cab in the front of the house {italics- Mr Michaels}. Don’t let the kids jump on. (Exit)

Question 4

Gus: I love when the night comes, for then I can wind my watch… and I love to wind my watch

Answer 4

(Enter angrily following Libby and Ben)

That Romanian phony!

Question 5

Ben: Forget it.

Answer 5

I’ll take his head of his shoulders! You heard him call you a nance!

Question 6

Ben: Because I was getting a manicure. Forget it.

Answer 6

Looka the kids hopping on the cab. (Knocks at window and yells Hey!”

Question 7

Ben: Hear that? Pal o’ my cradle days calling me a lunatic! Can’t do it Clara. Got to keep the hair comb in place. Max worked an hour on it. But don’t I make a bum out of a hat! (Puts hat on again) Got the tickets, Kewpie?

Answer 7

Two on the north side.

Question 8

Ben: Swell. Say, Leo, give my man Friday five dollars, will you?

Answer 8

It’s on the house.

Question 9

Ben: Why wait mom? The world’s at our doorstep! (To Kewpie) Did you phone Post?

Answer 9

He’s coming up with a cameraman.

Question 10

The news-reel man oughta be along any minute with his sound truck! (Doorbell rings)

Answer 10

Kewpie exists

Question 11

Clara: Fun’s in the dictionary!

Answer 11

(Silently sullen until now): The cab’s waiting

Question 12

Leo: Ben’s a good boy
Libby: I oughta know
Leo: Yes…(he exists with newspaper)

Answer 12

Kewpie (alone with Libby at last): He’s no money man

Question 13

Libby: I married a man with a big future.

Answer 13

Good in the receiving department, but lousy in the shipping

Question 14

Libby: Don’t pick on me!

Answer 14

You and that soft juicy body, like a mush melon.

Question 15

You’re a hundred miles away!

Answer 15

Suppose I tell him what happened when he went to Europe?

Question 16

Libby: He don’t believe such things about me. He’d throw you around for saying it.

Answer 16

Don’t you know he’s yellow in his heart? Get wise to that skyrocket: starts with a bang!

Question 17

Libby: he’s the most handsome man I know.

Answer 17

A burnt out spark plug?

Question 18

Libby: Stop picking on me!

Answer 18

You’re a little squab, and you laid right down in the sand with me, under the boardwalk.

Question 19

Libby: So what?

Answer 19

Purely horizontal.

Question 20

Libby: Did I say I was ice, with Ben running races the whole summer in Europe? It happened like that— down “the island,” the summer, the night and all the. I’m not sorry for a thing I done! Telling me— a cheap cab driver with a frozen phony side lines. You don’t drive no gold chariot, Kewpie.

Answer 20

I do, only you don’t see it, Mabel!

Question 21

Libby: Don’t call me Mabel. You’re sore because he tells me **. You act like his best friend, but you’re the worst enemy—

Answer 21

Who said—?

Question 22

Libby: You’ll knife him in the back!

Answer 22

Who said—?

Question 23

Libby: well I’m telling you so you won’t start up again. For me Ben’s got a home tin with the bases full.

Answer 23

He got everything I ever laid my hands on.

Question 24

Libby: Don’t tell me!

Answer 24

(Holding her): a sleeping clam at the bottom of the ocean, but I’ll wake you up. I’m through with the little wars: no more hacking, making a pound in a good day. Like old man Pike says, every man for himself nowadays, and when you’re in a jungle you look out for the wild life. I put on my Chinese good luck ring and I’m out to get mine. You’re the first stop!

Question 25

Kewpie: you’re the first stop! Libby: Goo!l (??)

Answer 25

I start with Joe the Shark next week. You could string along with me. You—

Question 26

Libby: Stop foaming at the mouth.

Answer 26

(Out of control): You knew I had a fever for you! You did it to spite me!

Question 27

Excuse me for… (he exits)

Answer 27

Your shell’s lined with pearls.

Question 28

Ben: (to Kewpie) what do you think of her?

Answer 28

(In a low controlled voice): she’s a juicy baby alright

Question 29

Ben: (laughing) Four stars!

Answer 29

(Suddenly) But dumb—nothing between the acts!

Question 30

Libby: you shoulda heard him just now.
Ben: what did he say? (she won’t answer)

Answer 30

Tell him…

Question 31

Ben: I wish…I could make you out, Kewpie… you’re changing.

Answer 31

Don’t talk soda water. Only take my word—I’m a better friend than she is.

Question 32

Ben: how do you get that way?

Answer 32

All my life you got a square deal. Always in front smackin them down left and right when they got in your way. Now she says ten words—you’re ready to throw me over!

Question 33

Ben: Christ, life goes like a river; why get excited?

Answer 33

What did she ever do for you? Did she tell you about Bill Crawford? Eddie Meyers?

Question 34

Ben: listen, Kewpie, we intend to stay married! Sore cause I took Libby away from you?

Answer 34

In case you’d like to know, I’m sore on my whole damn life.

Question 35

Ben: ….And about Libby—X Y Z—if I stepped on your toes, I’m sorry. We fell in love. The best man won.

Answer 35

(Finally): Okay…

Question 36

Libby: I notice you’re not so wise when Ben’s around.

Answer 36

Kewpie: Shut up or I’ll poke you one!

Question 37

Libby: you think he don’t mean it? I’ll ride downtown in his cab!!

Answer 37

Kewpie: Crawl for all I care

Question 38

Ben: Say…what the hell is this?

Answer 38

Kewpie: I’m outa control, Ben. Take your hand away. You know I got a temper. Whata you let her kid me for? You know you’re aces with me. Only don’t let her give me to the needles!

Question 39

Libby: Sure, little Barney Google!

Answer 39

(Kewpie quickly walks over to Libby and slaps her across the mouth. Ben gets between them and swings a punch to Kewpie who in turn swings over two, the second of which knocks Ben down and out for a few seconds.)
I’ll take on a regiment!

Question 40

Libby: Make him black and blue Ben! Gonna let him get away with that?
Ben: (as Kewpie backs off): Some day I’ll get sore at you.

Answer 40

Kewpie: Did I hurt you, Ben?

Question 41

Ben: I didn’t feel it.

Answer 41

Kewpie: (ashamed): you know how I am—in there boppin away before I know it. I don’t work with my head, Ben.

Question 42

Ben: Sure…

Answer 42

Kewpie: Smack me in the mouth, Ben. Hit me…

Question 43

Ben: Don’t be a kid! Libby: what’s this, a love duet

Answer 43

Kewpie: if you’re ready, the cab’s waiting

Question 44

Ben: We won’t go downtown

Answer 44

Kewpie: what about the tickets?

Question 45

Ben: you know what you can do with them.

Answer 45

Kewpie: Don’t be sore, Ben.

Question 46

Ben: I’m not, I’m

Not! I’m just damn sick in my heart! Get the hell out!

Answer 46

I know I’m pro-anti, but—

Question 47

Ben: not a thing, Clara.

Answer 47

Kewpie: (at the door): See you tomorrow? (No answer.) See you tomorrow. (Exits)