Jokes Flashcards
What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?
The space bar
How does a hamburger introduce his wife?
Meat patty
Why doesn’t a spider go to school?
He learned everything on the web
Why does a cow have hooves and not feet?
Because they lactose
What is a balloons least favorite type of music?
Pop music
What happened to the elderly egg?
They sent him to the old yokes home
What do you get when you mix leather with a sneeze?
A shoe
A police officer caught two kids playing with fireworks and a car battery?
He charged one and let the other one off
What do you call an American bee?
A usb
10 and 100 are basically the same #
Since their difference is zero
How much did Santa have to pay to park his sled?
Nothing because it’s on the house
What do you call the people that take care of hens?
Chicken tenders
When I get into work, I immediately hide.
Good employees are hard to find
Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I’m going jogging but then don’t go.
It’s a running joke
I don’t tell dad jokes
He never laughs at them
What did 50 cent do when he got hungry?
58
I just spent $100 on a belt that doesn’t fit.
Huge waist
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
Just saw a guy standing on one leg at the atm.
He must have been checking his balance
Which laptop plays the best songs?
A Dell
I hate gossipers.
They discuss me
I would love to tell you a joke about unemployed people.
Sadly, none of them work
England doesn’t have a kidney bank
But it does have a Liverpool
A man in my town has been stealing the wheels off cop cars.
The police have been working tirelessly to catch him
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it’s a soap opera
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it
