Interpersonal Effectiveness Flashcards
What does DEARMAN stand for?
DESCRIBE EXPRESS ASSERT REINFORCE MINDFULNESS APPEAR CONFIDENT NEGOTIATE
Explain the DE from DEARMAN
Describe the situation, if necessary. Stick to the facts, don’t use judgmental language.
“You have asked me several times to come on this trip with me”
Express your feelings or beliefs about the situation clearly. Don’t expect mind reading.
“I am uncomfortable with the fact that you continue asking even though I say no.”
Explain the AR from DEARMAN
Assert what you want or don’t want. Ask for what you want. Say no clearly. Don’t beat around the bush.
“No, this trip is a private trip with my boyfriend. And I would like you to respect my decision.”
Reinforce people if they respond positively to your request. You can reinforce before the request by telling them what the positive effect will be.
“Thank you for being understanding, I really appreciate it.” “What I’m about to ask you is really important to me, and I would make me happy if you listen and respect it.”
Explain the MAN from DEARMAN
Stay Mindful of your objective, and don’t allow yourself to be distracted. Stay commited to your position.
Appear confident: Even though you might not feel it, act confidently in voice, eye contact, and posture. Practice beforehand if necessary. Use your judgment as to how confident to appear. Remember that just because they are louder or more aggressive, does not make them smarter or have more knowledge of the situation.
Negotiate: Be willing to give to get. Reduce your request. Offer alternative suggestions. TURN THE TABLES: “What do you think we can do.” “I am not able to say yes, but you really seem to want me to. What can we do here?”
“How can we solve this problem?”
How would you use DEARMAN in really difficult, pushy situation situation?
Continue using same skills, but turn attention to the situation at hand.
Describe: You keep asking me, and pushing for a yes, even though I’ve said no.
Express: I’m not sure why you are continuing to push, and it’s upsetting me.
Assert: Please stop asking me. Let’s put this conversation off until another time.
Reinforce: I’m not going to say yes, so I think we should drop this conversation.
What are some assertiveness statements?
I am honest and direct about my thoughts and feelings.
I speak up and share my views if I disagree with others’ opinions.
I am confident about my opinions and decisions.
I am able to accept that someone else may have a better idea or solution to a problem than I do.
I can accept positive criticism and suggestions.
I ask for help when I need it.
I am able to turn down requests that seem unreasonable or unfair.
I directly address things that bother me.
I speak confidently about things that matter a lot to me.
I consider my needs as important as others.
What are some differences between passive aggressive, aggressive, and assertive behaviour in regards to saying something, tone of voice, eye contact, expressivity, posture, group behaviour, agree/disagree w others, value self, harm, goals, stance towards self and other
Differences Between Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Behavior. Passive Behavior (The Passive Person) – Aggressive Behavior (The Aggressive Person) – Assertive Behavior (The Assertive Person).
Passive Behavior: Is afraid to speak up
Aggressive Behavior: Interrupts and ‘talks over’ others
Assertive Behavior: Speaks openly
Passive Behavior: Speaks softly
Aggressive Behavior: Speaks loudly
Assertive Behavior: Uses a conversational tone
Passive Behavior: Avoids looking at people
Aggressive Behavior: Glares and stares at others
Assertive Behavior: Makes good eye contact
Passive Behavior: Shows little or no expression
Aggressive Behavior: Intimidates others with expressions
Assertive Behavior: Shows expressions that match the message
Passive Behavior: Slouches and withdraws
Aggressive Behavior: Stands rigidly, crosses arms, invades others’ personal space
Assertive Behavior: Relaxes and adopts an open posture and expressions
Passive Behavior: Isolates self from groups
Aggressive Behavior: Controls groups
Assertive Behavior: Participates in groups
Passive Behavior: Agrees with others, despite feelings
Aggressive Behavior: Only considers own feelings, and/or demands of others
Assertive Behavior: Speaks to the point
Passive Behavior: Values self less than others
Aggressive Behavior: Values self more than others
Assertive Behavior: Values self equal to others
Passive Behavior: Hurts self to avoid hurting others
Aggressive Behavior: Hurts others to avoid being hurt
Assertive Behavior: Tries to hurt no one (including self)
Passive Behavior: Does not reach goals and may not know goals
Aggressive Behavior: Reaches goals but hurts others in the process
Assertive Behavior: Usually reaches goals without alienating others
Passive Behavior: You’re okay, I’m not
Aggressive Behavior: I’m okay, you’re not
Assertive Behavior: I’m okay, you’re okay
What are two techniques you can use when trying to stay Mindful using DEARMAN?
Broken Record: Keep repeating yourself in the face of protests or distractions.
Ignore: Ignore distractions. Don’t respond to threats, diversions, etc. Don’t let the other person take control of the situation.
What is a cheerleading statement re can’t control others?
I cannot control how others will act towards me or react to me
What is a cheerleading statement re being anxious?
I can be anxious and still deal with this situation
What is a cheerleading statement re pleasing people?
I may want to please the people I care about, but I do not have to do it all of the time.
