Human relationships Flashcards
Theory of why relationships end
Gottman (1994):
Changes in perception, physiology, and behavior can affect the trajectory and the levels of relational satisfaction.
Relational satisfaction can be defined as the level to which a partner feels enjoyment, contentment, and happiness in a relationship.
Social exchange theory
Kelly and Thibaut (1959)
The more one “invests” in the relationship, the more one expects “greater returns”.
Although a lack of balance in a relationship may be tolerated in the short-term, the balance must be restored if the relationship is to survive.
Equity theory
Waltser
Winning formula of fairness in relationships
One partner’s benefits minus their costs should equal another partner’s benefits minus their costs.
People tend to stay together in a balanced relationship. unstable causes distress, risking the high probability of a breakup.
Someone always feels under-benefited and puts more effort into the relationship than the other party, receiving less than what they bring to the relationship
Flora and Segrin (2003)
Aim: investigate the role of positive and negative feelings towards the relationship’s well-being.
- longitudinal study using questionnaires and interviews.
Participants: young couples who dated for at least six months and young couples who were married for four years
Procedure: They were then asked individually to describe their positive and negative feelings about each other
Initial findings:
The most important factor that attracted them were the common interests and activities, and mutual desire to spend time together. Particularly, this was true for men, and overall, it had a higher significance than negative feelings.
- One year after, the couples were contacted again, and no married couples separated, while a quarter of the lovers had split up.
- The couples that had remained together after a year were asked to fill out a questionnaire to get an idea of their satisfaction with the relationship and their well-being.
Results:
- After one year, the findings demonstrated a positive correlation between common interests, activities and desire to spend time together in males.
- For women, there was also a positive correlation seen between common interests, activities, and desire to spend time together.
- However, the more negative feelings, the less satisfied they were in their relationship after one year.
Communication
Gottman’s four horsemen of the apocalypse:
Criticism: When one spouse criticizes the other’s personality or character, it differs from making a complaint about something you’ve done, frequently predicated on the “always” or “never” adverb.
Contempt: The act of holding someone in low regard or believing that you are superior to them in some way.
i.e: Name-calling, sneering, eye-rolling, and sarcastic remarks at the expense of your spouse are common examples.
Defensiveness: refers to one partner being criticized and then resorting to a defensive attitude, meaning avoiding blame and shifting it to something or someone else.
Stonewalling: when someone in the relationship puts up barriers and withdraws from conversations; they refuse to deal with their problems, which creates more problems as it does not aid communication between the couple.
Bradburry and Finchman
Aim: investigated the role of communication in relationships through attribution
Participants:
47 couples (married for 5-10 years), recruited through advertisements saying they had to live together and not be on marriage counseling.
Procedure:
Before beginning the study, they were asked to fill out a questionnaire about the biggest problems in their marriage.
- Researchers picked a common problem and asked participants questions about the cause, who was responsible for the problem and a problem not picked out by their partner.
-Then, they were videotaped to discuss a possible solution regarding the problem that the couple had identified.
Results:
they identified whether the couples had relationship-enhancing patterns or distress-maintaining patterns of communication.
- This was because they were likely to attribute negative behaviors to internal behaviours and positive behaviors to situational factors.
Evaluation of Bradburry and Finchman
Shows bidirectional ambiguity because it is unclear whether the distress-maintaining communication caused marital dissatisfaction.
- Moreover, other factors might affect the role of communication in couples, such as depression or mental illness, which the researchers did not consider.
-Long-term marriages and newlyweds were not considered in the study as only married couples for 5-10 years were included, thus causing sampling bias.
Applicability: infidelity
The equity theory can be used to explain infidelity.
-An individual feels under-embedded or dissatisfied.
- By cheating on their partner, they feel guilty and owe their partner their loyalty, thus rebalancing the sense of equity.
In a study of 2000 couples, Hartfield et al. (1979) found that those who felt under-benefited had extramarital sex sooner after marriage and with more partners than those who felt fairly treated or over-benefited. Those who felt their relationship was perfectly equitable were likelier to think they would still be together in one and five years. Those who felt greatly under-benefited and dissatisfied were least likely to think their relationship would be intact.
Limitations
Social equity theory, some would:
- Too simplistic
- Does not take into consideration other cultures (individualistic vs collectivistic)
-All couples in studies were seeking help in their marriage, however, the theory does not prove itself true for those couples who are more stable and/or do not seek external help.
