How to Win Friends and Influence People Flashcards
My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.
We learn by doing.
Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.
It is frequently easier to find fault than praise.
You should be attempting to form new habits.
It is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence.
People rarely criticise themselves for anything no matter how wrong it may be.
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralise employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned.
Humans blames everybody but themselves. We are all like that.
If we want to stir up a resentment tomorrow that may rankle across the decades and endure until death, let’s indulge in a little stinging criticism - no matter how certain we are that it is justified.
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain - and most fools do.
It takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. It breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.
Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from 2 motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great.
The deepest urge in human nature is ‘the desire to be important’.
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals.
We must be anxious to praise but loath to find fault.
People are likely to put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.
“There is nothing I need so much as nourishment for my self-esteem.”
The difference between appreciation and flattery? One is sincere and other insincere. One is selfish; the other unselfish.
One of the most neglected values of our daily existence is honest and sincere appreciation.
The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.
Summary:
Don’t criticise, condemn or complain
Give honest and sincere appreciation
Arouse in the other person an eager want
People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves - morning, noon and after dinner.
The personal pronoun ‘I’ is the most used word in conversation.
When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first?
One can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them.
If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people - things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.
Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “but thinking makes it so”.
“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
Do no fear being misunderstood
Do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies
Thought is supreme
A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
Most people just want an interested listener so they can expand their ego.
Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.
The most violent critic will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener.
Many people fail to make a favourable impression because they don’t listen attentively. They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open. To be interesting, be interested.
Bores become intoxicated with their own ego, drunk with a sense of their own self-importance.
Talk in terms of other people’s interests.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
inveterate - long established and unlikely to change
9 times out of 10, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.
“A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”
How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:
Welcome the disagreement
Distrust your first instinctive impression
Control your temper
Listen first
Look for areas of agreement
Be honest - it will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Few people are logical. Most of us are prejudiced and biased. Most of us are blighted with preconceived notions, with jealousy, suspicion, fear, envy and pride. Most citizens don’t want to change their mind about religion.
Most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do.
People don’t want to change their minds.
It’s very valuable to permit yourself to understand the other person.
Never say ‘you’re wrong’. Use tact. Use diplomacy. Don’t get them stirred up.
If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves?
Your eagerness to criticise yourself took all the fight out of him.
There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Keep emphasising, if possible, that you are not striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.
Socrates ‘the gadfly of Athens’ was one of the greatest philosophers the world has ever known. His method was based upon getting a ‘yes, yes’ response.
Let the other people talk themselves out. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
‘Success in dealing with the people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.’
Three quarters of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.
Sympathy has a chemical value in neutralising the acid of hard feelings.
All people you meet have a high regard for themselves and like to be fine and unselfish in their own estimation. In order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.
Throw down a challenge. This is what every successful person loves: the game. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.
