How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie Flashcards
Improvement of Communication skills
What feeling do people crave?
Feeling of importance
What causes people to think positively of you?
Making someone feel important
What causes people to resent you?
Diminishing someone
Do virtually all people care more about themselves?
Yes
How can you appeal to someone’s interest?
Keep asking yourself - “what is it that this person wants?”
What everyone has to offer to you?
Everyone can teach you, and you benefit by figuring out what that is.
What usually makes people angry?
Feeling unheard or misunderstood.
Should you smile - often?
Yes!
What is the most important word for someone?
A person’s name.
How to be a good listener?
Genuinely encourage people to talk about themselves. Ask questions that they’ll enjoy answering.
How do we influence people to do things?
Praise and appreciation. Do not start by criticizing or complaining - this makes them act defensively.
How do you control your temper?
Little people get angry over little things, while big people are undisturbed and calm. Do not let little things control your actions.
How to disarm arguments and be open-minded?
“I may be wrong. I often am. And if I am wrong, I want to change and be right - Let’s discuss the facts.”
How can you influence others during an argument?
Praise the other person for a trait that will help resolve an argument.
What you should understand about the arguments?
Everyone has a valid view of the situation. Your job is to understand what led them to believe what they believe.
What should you always do when you start noticing the problem?
Listen first—do not interrupt. Ask them where they feel the problems are and their opinion on how to proceed. Ask a lot of questions instead of commanding.
What is your goal during arguments?
Building bridges of understanding, looking for areas of agreement and common goals.
How do I finish the argument?
When you are ready, ask a series of questions that will lead them to your conclusion. Start with undeniable areas of agreement, then approach your ultimate point in terms they will agree with. This will make them feel they independently changed their mind.
How to reach someone who is close-minded?
Emphasize how your position serves the other person’s interests and incentives.
How do you gracefully end the argument?
Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who want to help you.
How do we create a healthy feedback loop?
Praise and appreciate the other person constantly without asking for anything in return. This will neutralize the sting of future feedback.
How do we introduce a point of feedback?
Start by praising other specific things that were done well. Introduce the point of improvement.
How do you show empathy during feedback?
Talk about your related mistakes, suggesting you know how difficult the task can be.
How can we improve ownership and the impact of feedback?
Ask questions instead of giving orders. Ask for suggestions on improving things to give them a personal stake in their ideas.
How do you keep a person’s momentum using feedback?
Give the person a fine reputation to live up to. Act as though the trait was already one of their outstanding characteristics.
How do you approach faults in feedback?
Make the fault seem easy to correct. Make clear that it is not a matter of ability or talent—”You already have the underlying skills. You just need to practice.”
What should you aim for during the feedback process?
Target what they care about. Message the improvement in terms of the person’s own interest—”doing better work” or “Ascending in the career.”
Do people criticize themselves for anything?
Usually, they do not.
What happens when someone becomes defensive?
They start to rationalize their behavior.
What does criticism do with a person?
Criticism hurts a person’s pride and sense of importance
What should you do when you are angry at someone?
Wait overnight. More often than not, you’ll dial back the anger.
What should you ask yourself before you speak?
What can the other person get out of this?
What is a common misconception about salespeople?
They sell products; in reality, they show how products solve problems, and people want to buy them.
What should you do to get someone to participate in a social event?
Excite them about the event, what’s fun, etc.
What not to do during conversations?
Do not talk about your own accomplishments - it makes people feel inferior and envious.
Do not talk without concern about the other person.
How do you become likable?
Ask people about their background and their goals.
Remember the problems they have - share a solution without expectations.
Remember about someone’s birthdays and act on them.
Greet people with animation and enthusiasm.
Remember about SMILE.
Remember and use the Person’s Name - bother to pronounce the name correctly.
Show genuine, undivided interest.
Get the other person to talk - Listen well.
Make them feel important and heard.
Ask about problems, though times they overcome.
How do you understand someone’s interests?
Research their interests.
Look around for clues.
Identify someone’s major goals, then talk about how you’ll help them get closer to their goals.
Note what people spend a lot of time on and what they are proud of - point it out and show appreciation for that.
What do most people have in common when compared to others?
They feel superior to others in some way - Let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance.
What is the instinct to avoid when someone disagrees with you?
Avoid fighting fire with fire. People don’t like to be proven wrong as it insults their pride.
Why is it counterproductive to correct someone during a disagreement?
Correcting someone can insult their pride and make them resent you, even if you’re right.
What is the reverse approach to winning people over in a disagreement?
Admit you don’t know everything they do and acknowledge that, in their shoes, you might see things the same way.
How can you establish common ground during a disagreement?
Articulate your common high-level goals and express a desire to explore differences in thinking.
What is the key step before pushing your point in a disagreement?
Let the other person speak their mind first, completely, without interruption.
What method can you use to persuade someone after listening to them?
Use Socratic reasoning to get them to answer “yes” and guide them to see your idea as their own.
How should you respond to someone who disagrees with you?
Thank them sincerely for their interest, as their disagreement shows they care about the same things you do.
Why should you welcome disagreement?
It is an opportunity to preempt a mistake and gain a new perspective.
What does the quote “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary” imply?
Disagreement can be valuable as it promotes critical thinking and improvement.
What should you promise to do with your opponent’s ideas?
Promise to think over their ideas and study them carefully.
Why is postponing action during disagreements helpful?
It gives both sides time to think through the problem and avoid hasty decisions.
What should you avoid when trying to change someone’s mind?
Avoid going in with a hostile attitude, as it invites reciprocal hostility and resistance.
How can you show humility when addressing disagreements?
Acknowledge the merits of the other side and suggest sitting down together to understand the points of difference.
What metaphor illustrates the best way to persuade someone?
Like coaxing an animal, offer something appealing instead of chasing after them with aggression.
What does the phrase “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall” mean?
Kindness and friendliness are more effective than hostility or criticism in winning people over.
How should you approach someone when commanding them?
Approach them as if they are permitting you to provide feedback, not as if you are superior.
What is a better way to ask for something than complaining?
Highlight what you appreciate and explain how the current situation prevents further appreciation.
How should you start a complaint to a company?
Begin by praising their service, then explain the problem as an opportunity to protect their reputation.
How can you frame your perspective when hearing a complaint?
Emphasize that you’re not there to change their mind but to understand their situation better.
What happens when people are attacked for being wrong?
They become defensive, clinging to their opinion and losing sight of the main point.
How can you approach disagreements to avoid defensiveness?
Use an open-minded approach, such as saying, “I may be wrong. I often am. And if I’m wrong, I want to be corrected.”
What is the benefit of understanding the other person’s perspective?
It lowers defenses and allows the other person to reconsider their position.
How can humility change the dynamic of a disagreement?
It can shift the focus from being right to demonstrating humility, graciousness, and open-mindedness.
What should you never say when respecting someone’s opinion?
Never say, “You’re wrong.”
What is a powerful admission in resolving disagreements?
Admit that you might be the wrong one.
How should you respond to an angry customer?
Acknowledge that your company sometimes makes mistakes and express a willingness to understand their situation.
What dogmatic words should you avoid, and what can you say instead?
Avoid words like “certainly,” “of course,” and “undoubtedly.” Instead, use phrases like “I imagine” or “It appears to me.”
How can you encourage someone to find a solution themselves?
Ask where they feel the problems are and for their opinions on the best way to proceed.
What is the effect of admitting your error in an argument?
Admitting your error disarms and can lead others to jump to your defense instead of attacking you further.
What happens when a person’s importance is acknowledged during an argument?
They are more likely to show mercy and build their ego by being understanding.
Why does being defensive in an argument escalate anger?
Defensiveness prevents the other person from seeing your perspective and focuses them on proving you wrong.
What should you do if you make a mistake at work?
Admit it quickly and without excuses; this minimizes the impact and may even lead others to defend you.
