How To Get Away With A Murder Mystery Flashcards
Narrator 1: Lines and Cues
Lady Indigo: And one of us, amongst this group of mysteriously connected strangers, is the killer!
If you’re like me, this exact same scenario has already happened to you two or three times.
You’re minding your own business , perhaps being blackmailed, and a mysterious host has invited you to a mansion on an island, promontory or isthmus.
Before you know it, the host is dead, a thunderstorm slash blizzard slash airborne toxic event has closed off access to the outside world, and you are one of the suspects.
What to do?
Narrator 1 walks over to the frozen tableau, who are striving mightily to remain frozen.
Walk with me.
Narrator 1 notices the audience is not walking along.
Or sit there I guess if you can’t follow simple directions. No stay seated, you ruined it.
Join me from your seats, on a helpful guide to Getting Away With It. If you remember these easy steps, you too can successfully murder the blackmailer or philandering husband or wealthy relative of your choice.
Narrator 2: You’re just going to stand there and explain how to kill people?
Are you even listening?! I’m WALKING and explaining at the same time! And this has nothing to do with how to kill people, it’s how to get away with it after they’re dead.
Narrator 2: Well in the interest of fairness and legal requirements, I feel the need to provide a counterpoint. If you’re the detective in a murder mystery, how do you solve the murder?
Very well.
Welcome to How To Get Away with a Murder Mystery
Vick: Hey um can I talk to you guys for a second?
Sure, what’s up?
Vick: I play the victim in the show. My name is Vick Tim
Short for Vicki
Narrator 2: You have so much stage time.
People out there are dying to be a dead body.
Narrator 2: Divas.
All right, you introduce the suspects while I get everything ready.
Narrator 2: All right, places
The suspects rush back and assume their spots.
Let’s begin! Scenario 1. The senator’s office.
Orange: Excuse me.
Orange runs away
Method 1: run away
They can’t convict you if they can’t catch you. The problem most suspects make is remaining at the scene, but if you are confronted with an elderly detective you are undoubtedly faster than them.
Old Lady: Ha ha ha
A timer dings
I’m pretty sure she broke most of the laws there.
Narrator 2: A private citizen can’t be held responsible for their actions
That’s not true!
Narrator 2: You are a dead body, Sara-Lotta
And honestly I was a bit disappointed in your performance in that scene. I could see you breathing.
Vick: Because I WAS breathing!
Yeah. Stop it. Scenario 2!
Sea world!
Vick: You can’t say that. It’s trademarked.
Ocean world
Lady Indigo: We don’t have time for this! A dolphin whisperer is dead. And I know who did it.
Method 2: accuse someone else.
Vick: Y’all can we not pull on the body please? I have very sensitive joints.
Did you know that Jackie Chan does all his own stunts? He jumps out of airplanes and things.
Vick: So?
So this could be a lot worse for you. And if I was your grandparents in the audience right now, I would be very disappointed that you seem to be talking and moving, since DEAD BODIES DON’T DO THAT!
Vick comes back onstage
Ready?
Mr Burgundy: Of course my fingerprints are on it! I own it! I am a ROCK STAR! My fingerprints are everywhere and they are glorious. But you know what, if i did kill her, I did it … for love.
Method 3: Make it all about you
Southern Gentleman: Case closed
That was better. You’re improving. I hope you have your lines memorised for the next scene.
Vic Tim: I have no lines. I’m a dead body.
See, your getting it!
Orange: It’s not Dr Orange. It’s Agent Orange. FBI.
Method 4: The perfect alibi
