Helping Children Deal With Their Feelings

Question 1

When kids feel right, they’ll behave right – how do we help them to feel right?

Answer 1

By accepting their feelings

Question 2

Problem: parents dont want to accept their kids feelings (examples of things we say to kids that demonstrate this)

Answer 2

“You don’t really feel that way”

“You’re just saying that because you’re tired”

“There’s no reason to be so upset”

Question 3

What does denial of kids’ feelings so to them?

Answer 3

Confuses and enrages them, and also teaches them not to know what their feelings are and or not to trust them

Question 4

“I don’t like the new baby”

Answer 4

Parent denies kids feelings

Question 5

“I had a dumb birthday party.” (After a parent going all out)

Answer 5

Parent denies kids feelings

Question 6

“I’m not wearing my bite plate anymore. It hurts. I don’t care what the orthodontist says!”

Answer 6

Parent denies kids feelings

Question 7

“I’m so mad! Just because I was two minutes late for gym, the teacher kicked me off the team”

Answer 7

Parent denies kids feelings

Question 8

Name the 4 steps to help with feelings (LAGG)

Answer 8

1. Listen with full attention
2. Acknowledge feelings with a word (“oh” “mmm” “I see”)
3. Give their feelings a name
4. Give them their wishes in fantasy.

Question 9

Tips for kids who want to feel listened to

Answer 9

Give your full attention. Shut off the device. Face them. Sometimes you don’t even need to say anything.

Question 10

Children can often find their own solution, and get to explore their own thoughts and feelings…

Answer 10

…when a parent listens actively and does the
“Oh”
“Mmm”
“I see”

Question 11

Denying a child their feelings makes them more upset

Answer 11

Amplification

Question 12

Why do parents deny feelings, in some cases?

Answer 12

They think naming the feeling and listening to it will make it worse

Question 13

Parents respond with logic when kids ask for something they can’t have, but

Answer 13

This doesn’t work and they protest MORE

(E.g. you’re hungry? Eat something! Vs “you are so hungry! I hear that you want to eat right now!”

Question 14

How a parent can respond to a kid wanting something they can’t have: not logic, but FANTASY

Answer 14

I want candy
I hear how much you want it
I wish I could make candy magically healthy like fruits and vegetables to help you grow!

Question 15

Just having someone understand how much you want something makes reality easier to bear

Question 16

“I’m tired”
“Then lide down and rest”

“I’m hungry.”
“Then eat something.”

“I’m not hungry”
“Then don’t eat”

Answer 16

Phrases kids say that we find really difficult not to respond to logically or fix immediately

Question 17

Accept and reflect for something like “I’m hungry” instead of answering with a logical “then eat something”