Grief at Different Developmental Stages

Question 1

How do kids 2-4 generally respond to death?

Answer 1

lack a real understanding of death and are generally unable to process the permanence of it

Question 2

What are some possible expressions of grief for kids 2-4?

Answer 2

1. Regression to earlier behaviors like thumb-sucking and bedwetting
2. sleep problems
3. irritability, confusion

Question 3

How can you help kids 2-4 process and heal from grief?

Answer 3

1. Provide honest, direct, brief answers to their questions
2. lots of reassurance and affection
3. A consistent routine is also helpful
4. At this age play is their outlet for grieving.

Question 4

[Elementary School]

How do kids 4-7 generally respond to death?

Answer 4

i. may still see death as reversible
ii. concrete questions
iii. inaccurate conclusions may be drawn

Question 5

[Elementary School]

What are some possible expressions of grief for kids 4-7?

Answer 5

1. Nightmares
2. regression to earlier behaviors
3. changes in sleeping and eating
4. violent play
5. attempting to take on the role of the person who died.

Question 6

[Elementary School]

How can you help kids 4-7 process and heal from grief?

Answer 6

Encourage expression of the child’s feelings through physical outlets as well as symbolic play (drawing and stories) and talking about the person who died.

Question 7

[Middle School]

How do kids 7-13 generally respond to death?

Answer 7

i. kids’ thinking has matured, and they are more logical
ii. beginning to understand that it is final.
iii. beginning to have the ability to mourn and to understand and recognize mourning in others.
iv. Fears of sickness or injury
v. Try to help them make sense

Question 8

[Middle School]

What are some possible expressions of grief for kids 7-13?

Answer 8

1. Regression
2. school problems
3. withdrawal from friends
4. acting out
5. changes in eating and sleeping habits
6. overwhelming concerns over their own body, thoughts about their own death.

Question 9

[Middle School]

How can you help kids 7-13 process and heal from grief?

Answer 9

1. Encourage the expression of feelings no matter what they are.
2. Explain options and allow for choices around funerals and memorial services
3. Be present, but allow alone time, too
4. Encourage physical outlets
5. Don’t avoid talking about the death or answering questions.

Question 10

[High School]

How do kids 13-18 generally respond to death?

Answer 10

i. Teenagers are capable of abstract thought and have a much more “adult” concept of death.

Question 11

[High School]

What are some possible expressions of grief for kids 13-18?

Answer 11

a. Extreme sadness
b. Denial
c. Regression
d. risk-taking
e. preference for talking to peers and others outside of the family
f. depression
g. anger
h. acting out
i. even possible suicidal thoughts.

Question 12

[High School]

How can you help kids 13-18 process and heal from grief?

Answer 12

a. Encourage them to talk — if not to you, then to friends, teachers or a therapist
b. Do not attempt to “make it all better” or dismiss their grief. Allow them to mourn